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What Will Happen To Brad Lidge?

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Welcome to BC Sports Fivesight. It’s like foresight, but one better.
Every week or so a carefully selected panel of Blogcritics and outside voices will converge to form an irresistible quintet that peers into the future of a certain sports topic, so you can live like Biff Tannen in
Back To The Future II and wisely wager based on our expertise. Sorry, no refunds.
After an amazing comeback year in which he didn’t blow a save all year, once-rattled closer Brad Lidge has now blown six saves in 19 chances. This week he was placed on the 15-day disabled list with a “sprained right knee” (translation: acute homerunitis) and the embattled closer’s future hangs in the wispy Philadelphia breeze. What will happen to him? Our Fivesight panel has an idea.
Matt Sussman, BC Sports Editor — Have you ever seen The Passion Of The Christ? Well, Brad Lidge is Jesus. The Romans are the Phillies. The whips are beer bottles. Jamie Moyer plays himself. And the thorny crown is a Padres hat.
Rob Iracane, Walkoff Walk — Why be surprised? Brad Lidge has never been a true shutdown closer.
Even while converting every single save opportunity on his plate in 2008, Lidge never really gave Phillies fans a sense of security. Dude issues walks and tater tots like a Harvard professor dishes out A+ grades, exactly the opposite behavior you want out of a closer. I see Lidge headed to the disabled list within a few weeks with “stress-related complications”, the affliction of choice for folks who lately can’t wrap their heads around “performing well at baseball”. He and Khalil Greene can start a support group and repeat mantras to each other.
Sooze, Babes Love Baseball — I predict Brad Lidge will not earn a save from now until June 22nd.
Brian Kist, BC Sports Writer, Semper Cardinalis — As Bradley Lidge’s ERA continues to hover between 7 and 9, the cheesesteak-brained masses overflow into something resembling mass hysteria. The Phillies management, who, unlike their fans, are level-headed in their personnel decisions, placed Lidge on the DL because the MLB DL rules are more lenient than a pharmacy on a hippie commune. This will allow him to clear his head and give time for his recently repaired knee to heal. By the All-Star game, Lidge will be back in the closer’s role just in time to help the team in the playoffs. Then, in a deciding game in the NLDS, he’ll meet Albert Pujols. Pujols will knock back a foul ball that will hit Colin Cowherd in his neck, destroying his broadcasting career. Lidge will walk Albert, then allow a blown save double to Ryan Ludwick.
After that, Lidge will move to tiny Deep River, Washington, start a self sustaining farm, and eventually get involved in grassroots politics. Wait, that’s Krist Novoselic. Nevermind.
Tuffy, BC Sports Treehouse Fort Co-Host — Don’t ask what they’re using for Bull’s Barbeque meat at Citizens Bank Ballpark this summer, not even if it makes you cough up your lunch or a late lead. Just imagine that it must have been tasty last year before the expiration date came and passed.

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