Well, it's official. The slapdash makeup job by McCain supporter and hate crime victim-turned-wolf crier Ashley Todd didn't fool anyone. It turns out she made up the story of being attacked by a large African-American man on the basis of political affiliation. The black eye, bumps, and 'B' swash was all her own doing. This may not come as a shock to those who saw the photo, but it's certainly not a shock to those who ever dated a 20-year-old girl and knows how prone they are to lying about stuff.
Fox News's executive vice-president John Moody thinks "Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting." At the time it was written as a conditional, but now that it's official, Moody will no doubt tell his editors and producers to defend the little girl and make it Obama's fault. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FOX NEWS DOES. Am I right? High five anyone? No?
What happened here was that Ms. Todd wanted more people to vote for McCain by garnering sympathy. This was evidently a noble cause, but absolutely a disgusting way to go about it. So here's how she should have faked a street mugging:
• Dye the hair blonde. Everyone loves a sweet innocent blonde girl, especially when they were assaulted by a nomadic ruffian. Beaten, bruised and frumpy is no way to go through the mainstream media.
• A big black guy? Really? The description of her assailant was far too textbook. If she wanted to go ethnic, Filipino is just exotic enough that no internal red flags would go off in the blogosphere. But more to the point, the only fervent Obama supporters are grad student hipsters who sport Darwin fish lapel pins and often thumb their noses at The Da Vinci Code. If she gave THAT description, the police would have been searching for weeks, maybe days, for suspects. At least long enough until after the election.
• Don't update your Twitter before and after a staged attack. The first thing someone does after being mugged isn't to reach for a cell phone and update how you're feeling. Also, Twitter sucks. This is just good advice in general.
• Who scrawls a 'B' on another person's cheek? Honestly. This was a classic blunder in that the letter was backwards. An 'O' for Obama would have made much more sense. Or the Democratic donkey. Or a Temple Owls "T." If they win on Saturday, maybe Obama will be rooting for them. Also, if there's time, a press-on tattoo would look stylishly convincing.
• Convince Senator McCain to fund a time machine that allows him to go back in time and cut back on his baseless negative campaigning, replacing it with valid criticisms of Senator Obama's policies and ideas in contrast to his own plan to rebuild the economy and achieve world peace. Failing that, convince Senator McCain to run more negative ads, focusing on Obama's shady ties to the 1972 Olympic bombings in Munich.