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What Ashley Todd Did Wrong

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Well, it's official. The slapdash makeup job by McCain supporter and hate crime victim-turned-wolf crier Ashley Todd didn't fool anyone. It turns out she made up the story of being attacked by a large African-American man on the basis of political affiliation. The black eye, bumps, and 'B' swash was all her own doing. This may not come as a shock to those who saw the photo, but it's certainly not a shock to those who ever dated a 20-year-old girl and knows how prone they are to lying about stuff.

Fox News's executive vice-president John Moody thinks "Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting." At the time it was written as a conditional, but now that it's official, Moody will no doubt tell his editors and producers to defend the little girl and make it Obama's fault. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FOX NEWS DOES. Am I right? High five anyone? No?

What happened here was that Ms. Todd wanted more people to vote for McCain by garnering sympathy. This was evidently a noble cause, but absolutely a disgusting way to go about it. So here's how she should have faked a street mugging:

• Dye the hair blonde. Everyone loves a sweet innocent blonde girl, especially when they were assaulted by a nomadic ruffian. Beaten, bruised and frumpy is no way to go through the mainstream media.

• A big black guy? Really? The description of her assailant was far too textbook. If she wanted to go ethnic, Filipino is just exotic enough that no internal red flags would go off in the blogosphere. But more to the point, the only fervent Obama supporters are grad student hipsters who sport Darwin fish lapel pins and often thumb their noses at The Da Vinci Code. If she gave THAT description, the police would have been searching for weeks, maybe days, for suspects. At least long enough until after the election.

• Don't update your Twitter before and after a staged attack. The first thing someone does after being mugged isn't to reach for a cell phone and update how you're feeling. Also, Twitter sucks. This is just good advice in general.

• Who scrawls a 'B' on another person's cheek? Honestly. This was a classic blunder in that the letter was backwards. An 'O' for Obama would have made much more sense. Or the Democratic donkey. Or a Temple Owls "T." If they win on Saturday, maybe Obama will be rooting for them. Also, if there's time, a press-on tattoo would look stylishly convincing.

• Convince Senator McCain to fund a time machine that allows him to go back in time and cut back on his baseless negative campaigning, replacing it with valid criticisms of Senator Obama's policies and ideas in contrast to his own plan to rebuild the economy and achieve world peace. Failing that, convince Senator McCain to run more negative ads, focusing on Obama's shady ties to the 1972 Olympic bombings in Munich.

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About Suss

  • “didn’t fool anyone.”

    Except Dave “aggies are too dumb to lie” Nalle

  • This poor girl is living proof that the entire cycle has gone off the deep end. Not that I condone her actions, but desperate measures are the result of desperate times.

  • Lisa Solod Warren

    No, Joanne. SHe has a history of mental problems. Unfortunately, she just needed or wanted some attention and the McCain camp, once again, did not vett properly before jumping on her bandwagon……they helped alert the news, called her (McCain himself and Palin called her family) when I read the story once and smelled Hoax.

    I understand you are an independent, but sometimes evenhandedness can be too evenhanded. Taking a stand is necessary once in awhile.

    “Desperate measures and desperate times” does a disservice to anyone who truly believes in what is good and possible about either candidate. I know you don’t support either, but I sense a sort of, I don’t know… giving up on the country and the process which I am not at all ready to do.

  • Cannonshop

    I didn’t know she had a History of mental problems, Lisa, I just figured it was another case of attention-seeking behaviour from a not-very-pretty girl who figured out a way to get the attention she craves.

  • Well, Lisa, you’re probably right. I’m giving up on the country as it stands today. I doubt either candidate when president is going to make a difference for most people. You may be sensible, and I may be sensible, but lady, we are outnumbered. There has to be a catastrophic calamity before the 99.9% of the other people wake up.

    In Democratic Detroit, I’ve heard impassioned Obama supporters who are flying by the seat of their emotional pants. They talk about the other side like they should all be jailed at the least, and hurt badly at the most.

    I don’t know what stand you want me to take. I don’t condone this kind of behavior, and if she is indeed mentally ill (I’m not watching TV-I’m on the other side of the country today) then she should be pitied and shown to the nearest psych ward.

  • fred

    Nice article, but I couldn’t help but laugh at this:

    “This may not come as a shock to those who saw the photo, but it’s certainly not a shock to those who ever dated a 20-year-old girl and knows how prone they are to lying about stuff.”

    … and then screwing you best friend while you went and saw that Knicks game after work…

    Gee, ‘s a little personal, no? What happened Matt? She break your heart? 😉

  • Cannonshop

    #5 NO PITY, Joanne. Psych ward, sure, but no pity. Pity is why people like her think they can get away with this kind of shit.

    She did it to herself, it could be argued that she’s a danger to herself, and possibly others-certainly, had she been more cunning about how she did it, what she did would be a potential danger to others-it’s like taking the lid off and letting the crazy out into the mobus populi of both sides. Someone gets hurt, someone gets assaulted, and it’s gloves-off insanity.

    NO PITY. Pity doesn’t help.

  • Mike

    This article is hilarious!! I love it.

  • Lisa Solod Warren

    Cannon, She probably does need real help.

    And Joanne. I am sorry you are so down on the country. I am only down on about 2/3 of it:)

  • Have you folks seen Ashley Todd’s MySpace Page (since taken offline)?

    I’d say the quote says it all:

    “Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her cloths off, but its better if you do.”

    That and apparently misrepresenting even her age on the site.


  • One of the problems with what this girl did was what could have come out it. There could have been a wild manhunt – a rousting of all black men who remotely resembled the description the girl gave.

    Kudos to the authorities whose thoughtful and measured response prevented an overreaction. It’s highly likely if this had happened even 30 or 40 years ago, her story would have been accepted out of hand.


  • CallmeMaddy

    Nice article. Twitter rocks!

  • pablo

    Breaking News!

    In a stunning development McCain campaign worker from College Station, Texas Ashley Todd who recently derailed John McCain’s bid for the White House announced her engagment today to Samuel Joseph “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher from Toledo, Ohio.

    They apparently met on the new republican online dating site bubbasandbubbettes4mccain.com, and said that they planned on financing their honeymoon with the $600 that they just received from the Federal Government as part of President Bush’s American rebate program for US taxpayers.

    I want to be the first to wish Ashley and Joe congratulations! Also how wonderful it is that both of them being good republicans have maintained their virginity until marriage 🙂

  • bliffle

    Good one, Pablo.

  • pablo

    Thank you Bliffle 🙂

  • David Gerard
  • Cannonshop

    #16 Another sign of decline in higher education, and lack of penmanship!

  • Arch Conservative

    Just a little contrast if I may…….

    If you’re a liberal/democrat and you create a fantastic story of violence involving different races and falsely report it, you get to be a serious presidential candidate for your party (Al Sharpton)

    If you’re a Republicana McCain supporter and you do the same thing people call you mentally unstable and ridicule you.

  • Dianne Lee

    This girl was from Texas. Where was her family to let a person who was capable of doing something this insane go off to Pennsylvania by herself?

  • Well, she had admitted to being unstable. Should she be applauded for her efforts? You go girl!
    She obivously needs help. Now that she got her fifteen minutes, she will fade into the scenery.

    If you want to go after Al Sharpton, knock yourself out. Or should Obama step forward and claim that whatever the hell your talking about is his fault?


  • Capital Peach

    Arch Conservative,

    See that’s the problem with your party. Al Sharpton??? Are you kidding?? Major Candidate? In which universe? You don’t condone her actions by saying ‘See one of your guys did it.’ Everyone knows that the Tawana case was BS and most of the country was outraged at the way it was exploited. And Al Sharpton has since been known as a media whore whom no one, except whites who say bad things on the radio (Imus), listens to or even respects.

  • Arch Conservative

    MY party. I’m not a Republican. Don’t be such a presumptious dolt.

    Did I say I condoned her actions? Please show me where I said that.

    I was merely pointing out the liberals have a double standard for when one of their own commits such acts.

  • Horace

    Another white person that gets away with a crime. Oh White Privilege how much I envy thee!

  • nomoreliars

    Ashley Todd isn’t a poor mentally ill girl who “just wanted some attention.” She is a FALSE RAPE ACCUSER who belongs IN PRISON FOR LIFE. Little scumbags like her are sending innocent men to jail all around this country and the legal system is enabling them and covering up their actions. Duke Lacrosse is the norm, people!