The Princess brought home another workout video to torture me with. You know, I’ve worked out my entire life. The only time I can remember being out of shape was when I was working for Planet Hollywood Corporate.
I installed networks in thirteen new restaurants across Canada and the U.S. in twelve months. I lived on MacDonald’s fast food and Starbuck’s coffee. No wonder I was tipping the scales at 160 pounds by the time I moved on.
Any way, back to the workout video issue. For some reason, these goofy things kick my butt. Not so much in the sense of killing me physically… it’s more the whole coordination thing. I think some of these video workout divas assume too much when it comes to their viewing audiences.
Like assuming we inherently know dance steps and can do them balanced neatly on one toe with our arms outstretched while straddling a step thingie. This was what I went through last night. Even The Princess had difficulty with it.
The video she had brought home is the Kathy Smith – Weight Loss Workout… at least that’s the one I think it is. It should be the “Kathy Smith – I Can Dance and You Can’t Workout”.
I was doing cha-cha’s, spinning dooma-flotchies and ballet-esque moves across the family room. This of course was when I wasn’t kicking the wall or getting one of my heels wedged under the love seat behind me. Not to mention the times I would inadvertently hurl The Princess a few feet if she were to step within range of my whirling, pin-wheeling arms of death.
Lucky for me, we don’t have the step device Kathy Smith was using in the video. We were just doing the workout “as if”. I could just imagine if I were in fact using the step — twisting my ankle and flying over the top of it, smashing sideways into the wall unit, all in the throes of an air-borne cha-cha.
Eventually, it got to where I was so lost and behind everyone on the tape that I was just hopping up and down while waving my arms in the air. This move caused me much physical harm, as The Princess was actually able to follow the tape and came slamming into me while performing a backward spinning flippie-fling.
Once I dislodged her elbow from my ear and assisted The Princess to her feet, I gracefully bowed out of my futile attempt at a workout and exited the premises. I was just glad to still have all of my pieces parts.
The Princess has assured me that eventually I’ll get the hang of it. It’ll just take practice. We are to attempt the tape again tomorrow night. So today after work, I’ll be going to Sports Authority to purchase a full set of football pads.