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Wal-Mart And The Death of American Culture

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I’ve defended Wal-Mart in my weblog and here at Blogcritics before, though not passionately. I defended them only on free-market principles, not because of strong positive personal experiences with the company. I’ve finally had one of those personal experiences, and it wasn’t positive. Count me as a Wal-Mart hater. It was enough to make me rethink my committment to free markets.

I am referring, of course, to the Beer Can Chicken accessory. It is surely a sign of the impending apocalypse, and it is available for sale at least at one Wal-Mart. Perhaps you’ve heard of the idea of inserting an open can of an alcoholic beverage into the butt of a chicken to moisten and flavor its inner parts as it cooks. Perhaps not. But if you visit the Wal-Mart in The Colony, Texas, you’ll catch on to the idea at once. But you don’t have to worry about the hassles normally associated with the process. Oh no. No falling-over chickens for you. You can use the bit of twisted wire available near the checkout to stand that chicken up firmly and hold that beer can right where it is supposed to be. As the package says, the holder can handle “Any 12 ounce can,” so if you want to use a nice imported beer, you can do that. But let’s be real, shall we? If you’re making beer can chicken, you’re probably not an imported beer drinker.

If, like me, you’re only marginally familiar with the process of making beer can chicken, you might wonder whether this is something that you must be extremly drunk to try. Apparently not. If, like me, you wondered whether such a process could b used at home in your own oven, I can assure you that the package reveals that the product is suitable for both grill and oven use.

Sadly, the item is not available online (though a handy cookbook is only $9.63), but the Wal-Mart in The Colony sells it for only $4.84, so that might be worth a drive.

The Colony is only a few miles from where I live in Carrollton, but also half a world away.

(This article orginally appeared at W6 Daily.)

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About pwinn

  • http://www.templestark.com/blog Temple A. Stark

    But why the hatin’. We need some xplainin’

    :)

    Sounds extremely gross. This doesn’t come across as finger lickin’ good. I suppose we would have thought of it sooner if fish had bigger asses:

    Not beer-battered fish but beer-buggered bass.

    Tasty.

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    I should add that I’m somewhat of an amateur gourmand, so the idea of sticking a can of beer up a chicken’s butt offends me on more that the obvious three or four levels. :)

    I’m actually not sure which offended me more: The very existence of beer-can-in-the-butt chicken, the existence of an accessory to aid the apparently alcohol-impaired in managing to accomplish what seems like it should be a simple task, the identification by Wal-Mart management of their target demographic near the checkout lanes, or my sudden feeling of being out of place (or fear of possibly being in place and not recognizing it) in the type of store that sells a simple five-dollar piece of twisted wire to help people shove beer into the butts of chickens.

    And oh, probably two or three other possibilities as well. :)

  • http://www.stoicartist.com Frank Giovinazzi

    I saw the older Wal-Mart post and was about to comment on it, but this one is about as fresh as sudsy roaster, so here goes.

    Since I keep late hours naturally, and avoid crowds religiously, I have always been a midnight shopper. I like 24-hour groceries, coffeeshops, diners, and mega-stores.

    At Wal-Mart, in the late hours, it’s easier to look at the workers because they outnumber the customers. I’ve had conversations with some of them, and observed more, and let me tell you, the depth of worker misery is as deep set in these folks as it was in the days of Upton Sinclair.

    You can feel the oppression, and it makes my shopping experience too much of a downer.

    For most items nowadays, I shop at Target. The people are friendlier, the stores are cleaner, and yes, it’s worth a couple of cents on most items.

    I avoid Wal-Mart because it makes me sick.

  • jadester

    i dunno, as long as you ain’t gonna try drinking from the can afterwards, what’s so bad?….
    after all, we have beef and beer pies here in britain, which done well, taste exquisite. This is surely just a way of doing beer-cooked chicken. Many chicken recipes involve cooking it in wine, and though this does seem an odd way of doing it, maybe it doesn’t work so well (at all) to cook the chicken in beer the same way you’d cook it in wine.