I’ve defended Wal-Mart in my weblog and here at Blogcritics before, though not passionately. I defended them only on free-market principles, not because of strong positive personal experiences with the company. I’ve finally had one of those personal experiences, and it wasn’t positive. Count me as a Wal-Mart hater. It was enough to make me rethink my committment to free markets.
I am referring, of course, to the Beer Can Chicken accessory. It is surely a sign of the impending apocalypse, and it is available for sale at least at one Wal-Mart. Perhaps you’ve heard of the idea of inserting an open can of an alcoholic beverage into the butt of a chicken to moisten and flavor its inner parts as it cooks. Perhaps not. But if you visit the Wal-Mart in The Colony, Texas, you’ll catch on to the idea at once. But you don’t have to worry about the hassles normally associated with the process. Oh no. No falling-over chickens for you. You can use the bit of twisted wire available near the checkout to stand that chicken up firmly and hold that beer can right where it is supposed to be. As the package says, the holder can handle “Any 12 ounce can,” so if you want to use a nice imported beer, you can do that. But let’s be real, shall we? If you’re making beer can chicken, you’re probably not an imported beer drinker.
If, like me, you’re only marginally familiar with the process of making beer can chicken, you might wonder whether this is something that you must be extremly drunk to try. Apparently not. If, like me, you wondered whether such a process could b used at home in your own oven, I can assure you that the package reveals that the product is suitable for both grill and oven use.
Sadly, the item is not available online (though a handy cookbook is only $9.63), but the Wal-Mart in The Colony sells it for only $4.84, so that might be worth a drive.
The Colony is only a few miles from where I live in Carrollton, but also half a world away.
(This article orginally appeared at W6 Daily.)