W Axl Rose, frontman with the popular rock act Axl Rose Presents Guns And Roses, is to be the first glam-metal superstar to run for the presidency since Franklin D Roosevelt.
Rose issued a statement earlier today;
“Anybody who followed my work will see that this has been on the cards for at least 65 days or so. Certainly a month or two. You might notice that the name of the upcoming release by my band is titled The Chinese Democracy. This is a hint to my future career, since Democracy is widely associated with politics.”
Filmmaker Michael Moore was on hand to run around with a boom mike and camera, and also some people who were injured at Guns And Roses concerts.
Moore was openly vocal in his lack of support for Rose’s campaign. “I couldn’t be any more lacking in my support if I set fire to my head and then screamed, all because I disagree”, said Moore.
Others, however, have offered the clammy hand of friendship to the aspiring president. Gene Simmons, star of Trick Or Treat, had this to say;
“What America needs is a president who isn’t afraid to say “fuck” over and over. Whatever your opinions on the war, abortion, other political topics, you can’t deny that W Axl Rose is a man who says “fuck” over and over, sometimes with other swearwords in between.”
In a televised debate, Rose was attacked by Vice President Al Gore for the inadequacies of his facial cosmetics.
“If I were you”, said Gore, “I would be more worried about how fat you’ve gotten all of a sudden, instead of the world trade deficit.”
W Axl Rose, displaying charisma beyond his girth, stated “Fuck yourself, Gore, you son of a bitch.”
The founding fathers are said to be “highly deceased” by the developments.
The Duke resides at Mondo Irlando