I am looking forward to Britain's Next Top Model, which starts on LivingTV on the 14th of September.
So, you have wooed me into total addiction, but just as a cherry on top, you added child torture. Because model wannabes just weren't enough.
I'm referring to the carcrash-attractive "Showbiz Moms and Dads"; another import from USA and originally shown on Bravo.
LivingTV has introduced me to the insane and, thus, appropriately named Duncan Nutter, who, at least according to some, should be shot. I'm not that passionate about what happens to Duncan, but I do worry that one day, one of his family members might just go ahead and empty a hail of bullets into his head on behalf of angry bloggers everywhere. Or perhaps because Duncan has ruined their lives.
He doesn't have any time to listen what his wife or children have to say. He seems to lack the ability to empathise. He is obsessed and ill. He and his family need help.
Then there's the stage-mom [sic] of a 4-year old Emily Tye, the woman who tells her daughter to "act like a 4 year old" when she is doing just that by being a child for once. This poor girl will be robbed of a childhood. Her memories will be linked to the smell of fake tan and to the pull and tug of backcombing. I can't imagine what will happen to her self esteem, or ability to form real relationships. This, I feel, is the biggest tragedy in the show - the other people are, at least, a little older.
Jordan Moseley-Stephen is the only talented child featured in Showbiz moms and dads. Her mother is the only normal adult. She seems to be rational and reasonable. She isn't using her child; Jordan seems to genuinely enjoy what they get up to together. The way she reacted when faced with rejection was excellent; just a shrug and a: "Well, mommy, I can't book everything anyway, so it doesn't matter."
And so, now to the gutter. The crass rubbish that I have never, or will never watch on LivingTV. The stuff that manages to leave a bad taste in my eyes when a trailer flickers past on the channel.
They're the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (that's just taking the gay stereotyping a bit too far - it's not funny; it's not witty - what, we are meant to believe that your sexual orientation somehow automatically comes with an innate ability to either a) not be able to dress yourself properly or b) have an eye for style. Bollocks. Utter, sweaty bollocks).
Article comments
1 - Warren
So the US got Monty Python, and we send you Will and Grace? Talk about ingratitude. You guys got the short end of that deal.
2 - Christopher Rose
especially as it took about 30 years...
3 - Nukapai
Ah, but we also got Scrubs, Desperate Housewifes, Weeds and so on from you lot. So not terrible, on balance. Although you did also bless us with Seinfeld. Yeah...
4 - Bennett
Wait till we send "My Name Is Earl". That one will make up for just about everything we've done wrong. And at about episode four you wonderful folks are going to be in debt.
Wait, no, we still owe you BIG time for Wallace and Grommit.
5 - Nukapai
As long as nobody mentions Simpsons and Futurama, this should be clean sailing... :p
6 - Bennett
Nukapai - I'm glad that Seinfeld translates culturally. Yep, we're proud of that nonsense. A great show.
But, "Earl" blows my mind with every new show.
"Wait! Twenty years ago, now WAY they'd show that. Let alone be creative enough to conceive of it!"
It's that good.
The first episode is so good that you become afraid that all the rest will disappoint. Subsequent episodes are good, but right about #4 or 5 you get "I Ruined Joy's Wedding" and after visiting the hospital for stitches (busted gut) you realize that they've got more to give.
A beautiful thing.
7 - Christopher Rose
NUKAPAI:
Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! Hits tree.
Bender: This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me.
8 - reggie
Great read Nakupai--loved it.
I happen to be one of the people who watch Charmed, Will & Grace and i'm ashamed to admit....America's next top model.
WAIT!!! I can explain...when i first started watching this show, it happened to be Naima and what's-her-name strutting on that catwalk in threadlike attire....and did i mention it was raining, and that they were soaking wet? Surely you understand why i couldn't resist it the follownig week. ;-)
I think this British living tv thingy is of great taste. Too bad none of the shows is theirs (british).
Whats this you say about Britains next top model? I wonder who the host will be...perhaps Tyra has a hand in all this?
They chose Nicole as the next top model yesterday....pity. I always saw Nik as the better of the two and i thought that the judges felt the same way. I came to realise that the final decision isn't really the judges, its the network.
9 - Nukapai
Bender is my hero. Well, not exactly; as in - I wouldn't want to be so nihilistic in real life - it's just a wonderful, wonderful dream...
10 - Nukapai
Reggie: aagh, way to give the ending away! That cycle hasn't hit Britain yet! :o
11 - Nukapai
Bennett: as you can see from above, you're not the only person to have sold "Earl" up quite high, so now I really am curious! Let's hope we get it here soon!
12 - Alisha Karabinus
I'm somewhat surprised Warren is more upset over Will and Grace than over Charmed. Charmed makes me want to toss my TV through the window.
Now, if we sent Buffy and Firefly, then we're doing something right. Joss Whedon! Joss Whedon! Yay!
13 - Christopher Rose
Nuka: I feel exactly the same way about Bender! But have been like that many times, mostly in the past! muahahaha
14 - Nukapai
Christopher, may I kiss your shiny, metal ass?
Alisha - yay for Buffy and Firefly! Yes, they certainly came over and yes, they were definitely appreciated! Although Angel, not so much. Not by me anyway. Only the first series of Angel was fun for me, after that it became irritating.
15 - Christopher Rose
Nuka: the Bender in me wants to say "if I can kiss yours!" but I'm trying not to give in to it.
God: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.
God: Yes, if he makes it look like an electrical thing. If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
16 - Nukapai
Interesting proposition, but sadly, that education video scarred me for life. Robots and humans = No Thanks! :D
17 - reggie von woic
OMG!!
I'm so sorry Nukapai, i had no idea....you can remove the comment can't you?
Please do if you can. It wasn't my intention to ruin it for anyone and i apologise for that again.
I'll try to be more carefull next time.
And who is this Bender you speak of...the one in futurama?
18 - Alisha Karabinus
DEFINITELY not so much Angel. I don't really care for David-whatshisname anyway, and that show's storylines went all kinds of off-kilter.
19 - Nukapai
Reggie, alas, I don't have comment editing powers, but anyway: I will try my best to forget what you posted... :p
Alisha: uhu, in agreement. David-whatshisname has one expression that sort of works (the "I'm tormented and brooding"), but anything else just looks wrong somehow. Plus I think I preferred him when he turned bad.
20 - linda+iris tansley
i reilly enjoyed charmed for eight years i will miss it
21 - iris linda tansley
i reilly enjoyed charmed for eight years i will miss it can we have some free thing from charmed [Personal contact info deleted]