School's back in session, kids.
That's right, Boardroom School, taught by the Don himself.
The Don seemed mellower, more wistful during the first episode of the fifth iteration of The Apprentice. He made vague allusions to people getting killed "viciously" in Africa over a gaudy lunch and tried to put the rat race that never ends into perspective. He appeared downright placid and pleasant, in fact. That is, however, until someone had the Audacity to break up his trademarked boardroom rhythm and metaphysical bio-algorithms.
And that's why it's time to open up class.
Trump 101 Rule #1
Shut Your Crap Siren When The Don Speaketh
Who are you, puny Mensa member, thou Harvard MBA, wretched Wharton Wharf Rat? Who are you to shine your greasy sheen and throw spittle-inflected words of mortal disgrace before The Brand Called Trump himself, he who cometh down from the very breath of clouds as though Ra made flesh?
That one chick who didn't make the phone calls to the restaurants might have gotten away with murder and not had her ass streamlined during Week One - if not for her "trying" to speak the truth. Truth? What's up with that? This is Reality TV, kids. Showtime!
And who did Ra strike down for getting uppity? That's right, Summer. Summer, who wouldn't make phone calls to a restaurant during "dinner rush." Summer, who refused to do what she was asked to do on the first task and then went ahead and predicted that her team would lose. Summer, who… oh hell, might as well make it:
Trump 101 Rule #2
Never Refuse to Call Restaurants on the First Task and Then Predict Your Team Will Lose
I'm not naming names here, I'm just saying, you know?
Trump 101 Rule #3
Know Your Enemy… Or, Don't Be Stupid
Tarek, otherwise known as Mr. Mensa, "warned" the young and idealistic Lee not to stand up to him in the boardroom and bring up the fact that the task yielded a phat zero on the creativity-ometer. (Giving away "gift bags" with no gift inside them as a sales device? I mean, what genius thought that one up? All non-Mensa folk may now cheer).