At this point, it would be great to see Sam really think over what Amelia offers and what Dean offers. There’s a lot to his relationship with Amelia that didn’t work and there’s a lot to his relationship with Dean that does. At this point in the show, Sam and Dean’s blood relationship is not enough to tie them together. They are different people, with different needs and personalities.
But there’s nothing to say that a brother cannot also be a best friend, a foundational piece of the web of relationships we all need to get through our tough times. And best friends can be individuals. The tie is in what each offers to the other, not in mirroring each other. Does Dean offer anything to Sam? Does that relationship help Sam navigate life’s treacherous waters? Does Dean help Sam stay balanced? Does he do so in a way that Amelia doesn’t? Or does Amelia offer Sam something Dean never can in terms of who he truly is? To my eyes, I’ve seen plenty of evidence of the former and very little of the latter.
I think part of what annoys me about the Sam and Amelia story is the embedded assumption that the Sam we met in the pilot is the essential Sam—an ordinary guy drawn unwillingly into heroic events. Yet even in season one, we soon learned Sam had many more layers and that he was anything but ordinary. He didn’t fit into Stanford any more than he fit into his family and as layer by layer was revealed, we learned Sam’s biggest fear was himself, not monsters. His own identity is the core of his journey, because it is so complicated. He has travelled a long way from that initial presentation of Sam, as Dean has travelled a long way from the daddy pleasing love ‘em and leave ‘em flirt we first met. The journey has been worth every step and I’m not willing to put it aside. The Sam currently on screen seems more like a throwback than a maturing character and nowhere is that more evident than in his stance on Benny.
Dean ends “Torn and Frayed” torn and frayed because he paid Sam’s price to rejoin him. While Dean told Sam to make the choice best for him, Sam never budges in his belief that Dean cannot have Benny as a friend because Benny is a vampire. This version of Sam feels monsters are evil by definition and have no personhood. Whether Benny killed the victims in “Citizen Fang” is irrelevant to him—Benny cannot be trusted because he is a vampire and Dean should have killed him the moment he was out of Purgatory.