With all this in mind, I found the brothers’ eventual fight to be troubling in all the wrong ways. I know Dean has forgiven his brother for his season four mistakes because I watched him show that. Bobby is the father figure who had the most influence in the end and Dean didn’t show up at Stall’s cemetery in “Swan Song" filled with resentment. I can accept that because Dean’s current relevant issue is his hurt at being abandoned and that fear of abandonment goes back a very long way, there’s emotional leakage onto those older events. But the core issue is Sam not feeling the need to look for him, not the demon blood.
That muddying of the core issue isn’t my only beef with that scene. I also don't like that Dean’s part of the airing of grievances was under the influence of possession, and he has little memory of anything he said. Yet Sam holds him accountable. Obviously, Dean has an issue and it needs to be aired, but it would be more satisfying if he actually did that, especially since Sam’s ending speech takes everything Dean said as gospel. How is Dean supposed to communicate what he feels to Sam about Sam’s final speech when he doesn’t know what he did or didn’t say?
It’s a huge issue because Sam’s final speech is a doozy. He correctly notes that Dean sees Amelia as an obstacle, not a person, which is not fair to her. That’s a valid point. But he doesn’t figure out what Dean needs from him is to SEE Sam was devastated by his loss and that he’s not an inconvenience now that he’s survived Purgatory. Sam wants Dean to see that not wanting to hunt is not the same thing as not loving him—but he’s not sharing the love.
What he is sharing is pretty off putting. Dean telling Sam Benny’s been more of a brother to him in one year than Sam’s ever been is very hurtful—but Sam needs to hear what Dean needs in his life as much as Dean needs to hear what Sam needs. In this case, the fact that Benny is a real friend who’s been there for Dean should fit into what Sam wants for Dean as much as what Dean wants for Dean. Sam wants Dean to find a way to hunt without him, to establish a new life not emotionally centered on Sam. His barely veiled threat to kill Benny doesn’t show me a Sam who has emotionally matured or who has successfully vented old feelings that can now be let go.