I swear this gets funnier the more times you watch or listen to it. A lot of this comes from bouncing R. Kelly off the South Park. Imagine how much fun it would be just watching MTV with Parker and Stone. It'd be like Beavis and Butthead elevated into an Algonquin roundtable.
However, the real core of the South Park episode wasn't silly gay jokes, but the transgressive exposition of the top secret Scientologist story about the evil Lord Xenu. Looking at still images of this less than two minute sequence, you can see that they took a little extra effort. It's executed broadly in their basic purposefully crude style, but it looks like some measure of extra care was taken in these depictions. They're still crude, but rather more detailed than typical South Park. This segment would make a good stand-alone briefing on the group.
Looking at it as images, it's really mostly purposely not funny. There is the general presentation, they make evil Lord Xenu look like the cheesiest Saturday morning cartoon villain. Mwa-ha-ha!
But the actual text, the Scientology leader's narration, appears to be a scrupulous exposition. Transcribing it for captions, the whole section came up about 237 words total. Here is the Cliff Notes version of the story of Xenu, per Parker and Stone:
Usually, to hear the secret doctrine, you have to be in the church for several years, Stan. Are you ready to hear the truth?
I guess.
You see, Stan. There's a reason for people feeling sad and depressed — an alien reason.
It all began 75 million years ago. Back then, there was a galactic federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil Lord Xenu.
Xenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets, and then had those aliens frozen.
The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Xenu's galactic cruisers, which looked like DC8s except with rocket engines. The cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii.
The aliens were no longer frozen — they were dead. The souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky.
Article comments
1 - JD
Did you notice that no one used thier real name in the credits?
2 - Nick
R Kelly is badass dont fuck with him
3 - eexlebots
haha this is fantastic!
4 - Hartley
The Wikipedia version of the Xenu story is the correct one, though South Park was very close. Critics of the cult have for a long while been handing out copies of the 'Xenu leaflet' at pickets:
The 'THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE' message is actually untrue. Most cult members don't know, or nowadays believe they have to pretend they don't know, the Xenu story. It's a *secret* that if they were told without thousands of dollars of preparation would ruin their chance of immortality, forever.
The cult has spent millions of dollars trying to keep the story secret. Here's their http://www.daisy.freeserve.co.uk/stolgy_14.htmstandard lawyer's letter:
5 - Arnie Lerma
You wrote:"
Now, I've noticed one little discrepancy. The South Park version of the story has Xenu dropping frozen souls INTO the hot Hawaiian volcano, whereas another version of the story on Wikipedia would have it that he dropped the souls AROUND the volcanoes, and then used nuclear weapons on them."
In 1995 I was the guy that posted the xenu story to the net and then Scientology spent $1,740,000 suing me. See the FAQ page at my homepage.
Though I am under an injuction to not make copies of what Scientology describes as their "ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY" allow me to fix this one small error in South Park's rendition.
A proper rendtion of the section about the implant stations goes something like this:
After stacking up the frozen corpses of the captured spirits around volcanoes, Hydrogen bombs were dropped on the volcanoes, and in the resulting maelstrom, an electronic ribbon came up from the implant station, capturing all the spirits and drawing them down into the implant station, where they were then forced to watch lousy movies.. ( pictures of how earth society looks today - Hubbard makes his rubes think this is why architecture etc is the way it is ) and packaged up into clusters and these clusters are stuck all over you, and for $360,000 Scientology can get rid of them fo you.
Any Questions?
Sincerely
Arnie Lerma
Lermanet.comExposing the CON
"The dispute in this case surrounds Lerma's acquisition and publication on the Internet of texts that the Church of Scientology considers sacred and protects heavily from unauthorized disclosure. Founded by L. Ron Hubbard, the Scientology religion attempts to explain the origin of negative spiritual forces in the world and advances techniques for improving one's own spiritual well-being. Scientologists believe that most human problems can be traced to lingering spirits of an extraterrestrial people massacred by their ruler, Xenu, over 75 million years ago. These spirits attach themselves by "clusters" to individuals in the contemporary world, causing spiritual harm and negatively influencing the lives of their hosts "
A recent radio show from March 29th about this and South Park is HERE mp3 29 meg
6 - Al Barger
Arnie- "$360,000 Scientology can get rid of them fo you." Can L Ron's boys do anything about Manbearpig?