After the evil trick of taking House off the air in order to show some trivial sporting event, Fox finally gave us a Halloween treat with the first new episode in over a month. And call me a fool, but I loved it.
"Fools for Love" provided a sustained dose of witty dialogue that made me realize how unique this drama's particular comedic tone is, and how much I miss it when it's gone. There were some misses ("What?" "It's got an ass. Technically that makes it a who."), but the quantity of jokes, and the number hitting their target, was incredibly high. Even the often neglected Chase got in on the fun with some great lines, like "Give it up. Foreman and Cameron are too ethical. And I'm too scared of being sued."
The fools of the week are 20-year-old Mr. and Mrs. Dawson, who start the episode by being victims of an armed robbery and attempted rape, which Jeremy risks his life to stop, then starts bashing the attempted rapist's head in. When Tracy start to gasp for breath, he turns his attention to his wife.
House, on the other hand, has some trouble paying attention to his new patient. While Cameron desperately tries to keep the conversation focused on Tracy's throat swelling, House spots Wilson talking to a babe in the hallway and is obsessed with finding out the differential diagnosis on Wilson's love life.
After using his famous people-repelling skills to get Wendy the Peds Nurse Babe to flee, House chastises Wilson about moving on to another bad relationship after three failed marriages and an affair with a patient. Wilson denies any interest in Wendy the Peds Nurse Babe, and also accuses House of wanting Wilson to fail at relationships so he's always available to hang out. I'm not sure House needs an ulterior motive to want someone else to be miserable, but anything's possible.
With step one of his plan to torment Wilson complete, House finally listens to his minions, determines a possible diagnosis, and decides to test Tracy for stress-induced anaphylaxis. While she's panting away on a treadmill, her husband starts to exhibit the same abdominal pain she had and becomes patient of the week number two.
House meets patient number three in the clinic, but this one seems immune to House's anti-charms, which are in full rude force. Michael Tritter (guest star David Morse) insists on being tested for an infection on his, er, private parts, after House makes one of his possibly brilliant, possibly lazy diagnoses based on the fact the patient is chewing nicotine gum, which dehydrates him, which means friction does, um, bad things to the private parts. "Try a lubricant. Or foreplay, if you're cheap," is House's prescription.