I haven’t written about Gossip Girl for a while, but how could I help but comment on last Monday’s episode?
Without a doubt I’ve spent way too much time gathering evidence, but ...
“The Ex-Files” was the single most evil, Machiavellian, low-down ugly episode of a teen soap in the history of the genre. What comes in second? Frankly, I have no idea. There are beheading videos out there that promise more hope for the world than this episode.
Beverly Hills 90210 is still the prototype for all this nonsense and it’s impossible not to compare “innocent” Dan and Jenny Humphrey to the Walsh twins of yesteryear, but nothing that bad really ever happened to Brandon and Brenda (well, Shannon Doherty got fired, but Brenda supposedly was still living the high life in England all that time).
On Beverly Hills 90210, the Walsh family transformed the lives of the shallow rich folk around them, they all became friends, and with much hi-jinx (albeit with a few drug problems) everyone basically lived happily ever after. To continue the metaphor, the last episode of Gossip Girl was essentially the equivalent of Steve, Kelly, and Dylan luring the Walsh twins into a fiery pit, roasting their carcasses, calmly cannibalizing them piece by piece, and then nonchalantly heading over to the Peach Pit for some after dinner pie.
Memo to Rufus Humphrey: If you at all care about your children, get them out of that school now!
Whoever thought going to Joe Clark’s gang-infested Eastside High would look so warm, cozy, and loving? Then again, the gangs in the inner city are apparently nothing compared to the ones in really upscale prep schools like this one.
“The Ex-Files” reminded me a lot of “Scott Tennerman Must Die,” the South Park episode where Eric Cartman literally has his rival's parents murdered and feeds them to his enemy, but that was a one-off of whimsy. It remains the only episode where Cartman triumphs, and despite Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s anarchist tendencies, even on South Park good usually triumphs somewhat over evil. Not so in the world of Gossip Girl; for the first time in my life I almost find myself agreeing with those nut balls that call the FCC every time something tawdry comes on my television set.
Here’s how tawdry this episode was. Consider poor Nate Archibald. His father is a fugitive from justice. He’s peddling himself out for sex to a duchess to support his family. The duchess, who apparently has the sex drive of a crazed orangutan, turns out in this episode to also be sleeping with her stepson, who just happens to be dating Nate’s ex-girlfriend, Blair.
Article comments
1 - Laura
I started watching the show online, and figured I'd give it a try in my free time (which I have a lot of).
90210, which I started watching for nostalgic reasons, got a little to 'high school' for me this past week. They portrayed very common stereotypical rich kid problems such as backstabbing, taking favorites, drug use, parental abuse, divorce, losing your virginity to 'the coolest guy in school', and it just made me glad that I am no longer in high school and never have to go back.
On the other hand, Gossip Girl was just too scary. Sure there was a bit of backstabbing here and there, but the situations were far more intense. Serena's mom wanting to screw Dan's dad even though she JUST got back from her honeymoon. The wrath of Blair and her posse on the new girl, the incestuous relationship of the Royalty, and you're absolutely right about Chuck. Is it fair to want to compare him to Halloween's Michael Myers?
2 - brad laidman
Michael Myers wouldn't have a chance against Chuck :)