Hey kids, have you been dying for the return of Gossip Girl from its writers' strike exile? How about after you saw those new promos that look like the seediest porn you could ever hope to find on the Internet?
Let’s catch up: Blair is in disgrace after news is broadcast about her sexual encounters with both former best friends and now enemies Nate and Chuck. Chuck and Serena are about to become siblings after Lily broke Rufus’ heart by getting engaged to Bart Bass. Jenny is now on the A list having replaced former queen bee Blair. Dan... well, Dan’s still boring.
Who’s the homosexual? The big news during the writers' strike is that one of the characters will be coming out of the closet. Wow, who could it be? What a mystery! Well, seeing that everyone but Eric and Jenny have slept around, and the fact that Jenny isn’t an effeminate male who has already tried to kill herself, my money is on Eric. Not so mysterious after all now, is it?
Chuck fashion disaster of the week: You’d think it would be that weird powder blue suit with the matching bow tie, but can someone tell me what the hell he was thinking wearing that sweater with the dolphins on it?
But I’m Blair: Girlfriend is totally depressed, which means a lot of chocolates and dreams of chasing a cat in the rain a la her favorite tearjerker Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Gone is the red power bow. Now Blair goes to school in dark glasses, a trench coat, and a kerchief on her head. Serena tries to assure Blair that everything’s been forgotten, but this notion lasts about as long as it takes for one of Blair’s old friends to drop a load of Yoplait on her head. This must be what Marie Antoinette felt like.
Serena misses a shower: New sibling Chuck hogged her bathroom time smoking a joint. She still looks fabulous, but on this show Serena missing a shower is big news.
Misstatement of the week: “Chuck may be eccentric, but I doubt he’s diabolical.”
Creepy new friendship of the week: Chuck spends time trying to get to know his new brother Eric. Creepiest of all, his intentions seem honorable.
The travails of making the A-list: Jenny, who once claimed that she could spar with the rich girls and not lose herself, well, completely loses herself. She spent spring break jetting off on a private plane with her new friends on a ski trip to Aspen, but it soon becomes apparent that girlfriend just doesn’t have the cash to hang with such high company.
Faced for some reason with having to pay for her own birthday party at a swank restaurant, Jenny starts out in definite evil genius territory. She invites outcast Blair, and then convinces the girls how fun it would be to blow off the dinner and stand up their former Queen.
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