The worst thing you've ever done, the worst thought you've ever had, I will stand by you...
I was expecting to go on and on about Chuck Bass’s continued rapid descent into Darth Vader territory, but instead I can’t stop crying about the heartbreaking impossibility that is Chuck and Blair. Who would have ever thought after watching the pilot episode of Gossip Girl that the two shallowest characters — the characters that seemed little more than rip-offs from Pretty in Pink and Heathers — would essentially be the only thing that makes this show essential viewing
Aaron, Serena, and Dan could have a shootout with machine guns in Buenos Aires and really I’d still be wondering where Chuck went off to and how Blair was dealing with it. Hopefully, Derota will have a lot of tissues and be willing to work a lot of overtime. Blair was a saint this episode, she deserves our blessing. Sob.
My Family? I Don't Have a Family
Poor Chuck. He already thinks that he killed his mother in childbirth, eventually he’ll have to deal with the fact that he had a hand in his father’s death too. Then again, I’m still unconvinced that it’s possible to die in the back of a limousine. Well, unless you are in France and the paparazzi are following you. I wonder if the driver lived.
When Are You Going to Get It? We Are Not Related
More heartbreak. Chuck has his flaws, but he’s been a good egg to Eric and this blow off from his big brother by means of shabby marriage hurt almost as much as Chuck’s “That’s too bad” response to Blair after she finally told him that she loved him.
He Carried the Garment Bag
Dan, oh Dan, you’re the biggest douche in the history of television. Serena was essentially begging you to take her back. You have no chance with any other girl on the planet. So what do you do? You start whining about muffins. Were you really surprised when Chuck bitch-slapped you out of his father’s funeral? Why couldn’t you have been the aborted fetus?
Oh, Michael. Michael, you are blind. It wasn't a miscarriage. It was an abortion. An abortion, Michael. Just like our marriage is an abortion. Something that's unholy and evil. I didn't want your son, Michael! I wouldn't bring another one of your sons into this world! It was an abortion, Michael! It was a son, Michael! A son! And I had it killed because this must all end!