TV Review: Gossip Girl - "O Brother, Where Bart Thou"

Part of: Gossip Girl Gossip

The worst thing you've ever done, the worst thought you've ever had, I will stand by you...

I was expecting to go on and on about Chuck Bass’s continued rapid descent into Darth Vader territory, but instead I can’t stop crying about the heartbreaking impossibility that is Chuck and Blair. Who would have ever thought after watching the pilot episode of Gossip Girl that the two shallowest characters — the characters that seemed little more than rip-offs from Pretty in Pink and Heathers — would essentially be the only thing that makes this show essential viewing

Aaron, Serena, and Dan could have a shootout with machine guns in Buenos Aires and really I’d still be wondering where Chuck went off to and how Blair was dealing with it. Hopefully, Derota will have a lot of tissues and be willing to work a lot of overtime. Blair was a saint this episode, she deserves our blessing. Sob.

My Family? I Don't Have a Family

Poor Chuck. He already thinks that he killed his mother in childbirth, eventually he’ll have to deal with the fact that he had a hand in his father’s death too. Then again, I’m still unconvinced that it’s possible to die in the back of a limousine. Well, unless you are in France and the paparazzi are following you. I wonder if the driver lived.

When Are You Going to Get It? We Are Not Related

More heartbreak. Chuck has his flaws, but he’s been a good egg to Eric and this blow off from his big brother by means of shabby marriage hurt almost as much as Chuck’s “That’s too bad” response to Blair after she finally told him that she loved him.

He Carried the Garment Bag

Dan, oh Dan, you’re the biggest douche in the history of television. Serena was essentially begging you to take her back. You have no chance with any other girl on the planet. So what do you do? You start whining about muffins. Were you really surprised when Chuck bitch-slapped you out of his father’s funeral? Why couldn’t you have been the aborted fetus?

Kay Corleone

Oh, Michael. Michael, you are blind. It wasn't a miscarriage. It was an abortion. An abortion, Michael. Just like our marriage is an abortion. Something that's unholy and evil. I didn't want your son, Michael! I wouldn't bring another one of your sons into this world! It was an abortion, Michael! It was a son, Michael! A son! And I had it killed because this must all end!

Continued on the next page Page 1 — Page 2

Article tags

Spread the word
Bookmark and Share
Profile image for brad-laidman

Article Author: Brad Laidman

Brad Laidman writes on pop, politics, and other less than vital issues. He blogs at Brad Laidman.com and is desperate for comments so that he will feel truly loved.

Visit Brad Laidman's author pageBrad Laidman's Blog

Read comments on this article, and add some feedback of your own
  • No image found

Article comments

  • 1 - Maximo

    Dec 14, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    I think that is

    "On second thought, I suppose it's possible that Lily just gave the baby up for adoption"

    An abortion is that you say "Frankly, with all the build-up I was hoping for something a little more scandalous, like a South American donkey show".

    But, the second option is an scandal, because Serene and his brother has another brother.

Add your comment, speak your mind

Personal attacks are NOT allowed.
Please read our comment policy.
Please preview your comment.

blogcritics lists for May 18, 2013

fresh articles Most recent articles site-wide

fresh comments Most recent comments site-wide

most comments Most comments in 24hrs

top writers Most prolific Blogcritics for April

top commenters Most prolific Commenters in 24 hrs