Wednesday’s episode of Gossip Girl should have actually been called, “There’s Always a Bigger Bitch in the Ocean!” Can we just all agree that the Gossip Girl is actually Carrie Bradshaw, and that dear sweet Carrie has developed an uncomfortable fascination with teenagers?
“Bad News Blair” was about as unpredictable as an imagined 1995 sumo wrestling match between The Notorious B.I.G. and Emmanuel Lewis. I essentially figured out every single thing that was going to happen in tonight’s episode about ten minutes before it actually happened. That can’t be a good thing for a show that is all of four episodes old, and yet, I admit it, like Dan and everyone else in the world, I’m Blake Lively’s bitch.
Before we break this down, let’s talk about what Chuck Bass decided to show up to play basketball in at the park. Did someone raid Wesley Snipes’ closet and take one of his New Jack City outfits? What the hell was that?
Serena, Blair, and Blair’s “Hall of Fame” caliber heinous bitch of a mother: It didn’t take very long to figure out that Blair’s Mom is essentially the exact same mom that Taylor Townshend had on the OC. You know — the mom who only cares about her career; the mom whose perfect daughter isn’t perfect to her; the mom who will be responsible for years and years of scream therapy. What we didn’t know was that Blair’s mother would in one episode rapidly challenge Felice Martin (Donna’s mom on 90210) for her title as biggest blight on motherhood in the history of network television. Truly an impressive debut — I’m completely straight and I would have left that woman for another man, too!
Yes, Blair’s mom is so bad that she made Blair totally sympathetic, and thus reason one for my proposed alternate title for this episode.
As if Blair’s foreshadowing dream of a Serena-inflicted Massacre at Tiffany’s wasn’t bad enough. I was sort of stupid enough to think that Serena’s goodness was going to salvage this toxic mother daughter relationship.
Oh my God, mom’s going to choose Serena instead of Blair.
Wait, Serena seems to have helped.
Nope, mom’s going to choose Serena instead of Blair.
Wait, Serena saved the day again.
Oops, this time it’s actually going to happen. Strike three, Blair. Cue the nuclear meltdown. Cue the misunderstandings. Cue the “I’m sorry I got it wrong the first time,” let’s hug it out and grow closer happy ending. Yay!
Serena and Dan: I’m sorry, but Dan’s a little bitch. Somehow, Serena is completely infatuated with him. Somehow, he’s been pulling off the “I’m not really quaking in my boots every time you talk to me” attitude. Stop being such a judgmental prick, and perhaps you won’t have to make your 700th apology by episode 10.
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1 - Jessica
Brad,
On IMDB, they show the two heathers names as: Isabel and Kati. Played by Nicole Fiscella and Nan Zhang.