Season 2, Episode 2. Aired on 6/18/2007.
Part 1 (Pt 2)
Previously: The last episode. And Ben had sex with his girlfriend, Brynn.Credits. God only knows why Bill Paxton chooses to act well in some of his movies, but not others. The episode opens with shots of the various “Home Plus Is Us” billboards that are strewn all around town, all of which have Bill’s smiling face plastered on them. Sister Wife Central. Nicki is preparing two gifts at her kitchen table, which we later learn are for Barb and Bill to celebrate their anniversary with her. Elsewhere, Bill is talking on the phone with Lois, who wants to talk about Joey. She doesn’t want to be a part of the cover-up anymore and she wants to tell the truth. “Well, we’re all telling the essential truth,” Bill argues. Does he actually believe the bullshit he speaks? Anyway, Bill asks what she’s doing at a laundromat and Lois tries to lie that she’s at the gas station, so Bill fills her in on the wonders of Caller ID. Lois looks at the back of the pay phone she’s on, in search of this so-called Caller ID. When she can’t find it, she just hangs up, scandalized by such a thought. Hee. They never let us in on why she’s at the laundromat or why she felt the need to lie about it.Barb is dressed for her first day of class. Nicki walks in and happily tells Bill and Barb, “Good morning!” She has a plate full of some sort of baked good, which Bill and Barb just take, like it’s normal for her to randomly bake stuff (I don’t think that it is). Barb asks Nicki to cook tonight, since she has a class at 4:00, and instead of opening her damn mouth, Nicki just meekly asks, “Tonight?” and doesn’t protest. Everyone leaves for the day and she looks sad. Ben is driving himself and Bill to work, while Bill preaches about work and how we finish the work the Lord did and blah blah blah. Ben is starting work at Home Plus and wants no special treatment. He then informs his father that he wants Brynn to meet the family. The whole family. He assures his father that she already knows about their situation. “She kind of figured it out.” Which is believable, given that she’s seen both Nicki and Margene pick him up from school. Bill sees one of the new billboards and points it out to Ben excitedly. Only, someone has spray-painted “+ US” on it three times, so that it now reads: “Home Plus Is Us, + Us + Us + Us.” Bill understandably freaks and demands that Ben pull over, remembering to add “Check your blindspot!” Hee. Oh, the days of learning to drive. Juniper Creek. Joey is walking home with some groceries when a Hummer comes rolling up, blaring “Tainted Love.” Alby steps out. Hah! I knew he was gay, and he’ll prove me right later in the episode. His thugs force Joey into the vehicle.Home Plus. Don and Peg have seen the billboard and are obviously upset. They want it taken down immediately because it is clearly bad for business. Peg thinks Wendy did it and Bill seems ready to believe her. Juniper Creek. Roman listens as Rhonda records “Oh, Happy Day” for her upcoming album. Wait a sec. Didn’t Roman ban music just one week ago? Maybe a couple weeks ago in show time? I guess music is allowed as long as it’s sung by sister wives? I … don’t know. Alby and Joey interrupt and Roman has Joey call Bill so that he can listen in on the call and record the conversation. Bill tells Joey about Lois wanting to defect and that he needs to go talk to her, basically implicating all three of them in the poisoning. He even mentions all of the crimes he’s committed. Heh. Roman tells Joey that there will be a vote on a UEB matter tomorrow and that he is not to tell Bill. “After that, we’ll see. Everything’s going to work out just fine.” Joey looks like he’s going to throw up and leaves. Aw.Alby is thrilled that they can now prosecute the lot of them, but Roman says that they will do no such thing, seeing as how Joey is now their pawn and that is much more important than Alby getting justice. Alby argues that they poisoned him and Roman says that he doesn’t care if “they hop up on the table and dance the tootsie-wootsie!” HAH! Roman should say “tootsie-wootsie” in every episode. He tells Alby to drop it and Alby looks like he’s only just now realizing that his father could not care less about him.Sister Wife Central. Barb has called for Nicki, and in a nice touch, Nicki gets this smile on her face because she clearly thinks that Barb has remembered and has called to wish her a happy anniversary. Barb has actually called to inquire after some money that she gave Nicki to deposit, because her tuition check bounced. Nicki is the last person I would ever trust with my money. I’m just saying. Of course, Nicki did not deposit it so Barb asks if she could do that today then.
Barb: And I hope you’re still going to your Debtors Anonymous classes. (Oh, own!)
Nicki: I’m not saying we’re not happy to have you back, Barb, but I find that really offensive.
Nicki is so far up her own ass, she can’t see straight. I mean, she doesn’t have the money to deposit. She spent it. And she has the nerve to say Barb is offending her? Then she asks Margie for $60. I really don’t like Nicki. I just don’t like her and not in that I-love-to-hate-her way, either. I don’t find her enjoyable to watch. Alby is at an actual police station, presenting all of his evidence. They are dubious, seeing as how his attackers took him to the hospital and they haven’t heard anything about the investigation from the JCPD. I’m curious about how Juniper Creek can have jurisdiction over a criminal case. I’m also curious as to why the state doesn’t just go in and arrest all of the polygamists. I’m going to have to do some research. Throughout this whole thing, Alby keeps shiftily checking out the officers. At first, I thought he was eyeing their guns, but he is definitely checking out their asses in their tight pants. I wonder if this is why he couldn’t kill that gay prostitute last season like Roman wanted him to. Sister Wife Central. Nicki needs another $40 from Margene, who just hands it over with a smile, like the good sister wife she is. As much as I dislike Nicki, I loooove Margene. Wanda calls, begging Nicki to come help her and Joey. She says it’s dangerous there and that they need to get away but their car is broken. As she talks, we see Joey sitting on the couch, calmly drinking straight from a bottle. Oh, Joey. I find this whole situation terribly sad. Nicki tries to avoid actually going out there, but Wanda begs and cries until Nicki says that she’s on her way.Margie wants to come and help and see Nicki’s home. Nicki relents and when Margie asks if Wanda really poisoned her brother and why she would do that, Nicki just says, “You met him.” Wait, they don’t know about the whole poisoning fiasco? Does Bill tell them nothing?Nicki and Margie drive and eat Twizzlers. Nicki sighs dramatically and says, “Well, Happy Anniversary to me.” Margie looks very upset and apologizes.
Nicki: Oh, no. It’s too late. It’s ruined.
Shut up, Nicki. Margie defends Bill and Barb, but Nicki’s not having any of it. She tells Margie that she’ll never understand until she’s been “hurt like this.” Also, it is very pretty out in rural Utah. If these scenery shots are even really Utah. Home Plus Warehouse. Brynn shows up to chat with Ben at work, which I think is kind of inappropriate, especially on his first day. She asks what’s so important and he looks like he’s going to pass out. He tells her that his family believes in the everlasting covenant of plural marriage. Brynn just stares blankly and says, “What?” He goes on to explain the family history of how Barb got sick and Nicki came to take care of her, and that the whole family really liked her. “You’re a polygamist?!” Brynn snaps. She is shocked, says it’s not normal over his protests, but then asks how many moms he has. Brynn looks prettier this season. Thinner in the face, maybe, and more make-up or something. University of Utah. Barb sips coffee and is happy. I am happy for her. And ... scene. Don waits by the defaced billboard, which no one has come to fix yet. He asks the employees of a nearby restaurant if they saw anything, but they do not speak English. Home Plus. Bill tells Peg to call Billy Owens, the guy in charge of the billboards. Peg flat out refuses and explains to him that they don’t want to draw attention to this problem by getting angry at Owens. They can’t take their business elsewhere, as he owns all the billboards in Utah. Bill doesn’t understand why she’s so upset, seeing as how it’s his name and his face up there. “Maybe that wasn’t the best idea,” Peg tells him. Barb shows up and Peg leaves. Barb is just so excited and says today has been the best day of her life. “I signed a petition to ban animal testing just because I felt like it!” Aw, she's so cute. Bill seems genuinely happy for her. Margie calls from around the corner of a gas station and tells Barb about Nicki’s anniversary. Barb curses, “Oh, jiminy crickets.” Hee. She tells Bill and he’s all, “Why didn’t you remind me?” Barb just looks at him and says, “Excuse me?” Barb asks her to make dinner tonight and Margie says she will and she has to go. Nicki knows what she was doing and asks which one forgot first. Margie says they both forgot, smiling beautifully. Seriously, Ginnifer looks gorgeous in this episode. Barb laments that she’s never forgotten an anniversary and she’ll make Nicki’s favorite foods for dinner. Bill doesn’t want her to miss her class, but she assures him that she’ll get dinner ready and then go to class. She gets home with groceries and Sarah is in a mood, probably a mix of getting stuck babysitting the boys and her general anti-polygamy attitude of late. Heather surprises Barb and genuinely asks her how she’s doing, while Sarah berates her mother for putting her sister wives above herself. Barb argues that it’s her anniversary, too, and Heather is cool with it, like always. Sarah drags Heather out and calls Barb “sister wife.” Heather looks at Barb apologetically. I’m sorry, I know Sarah is going through stuff right now, but that rude behavior is just uncalled for. Bill and Don have a pow-wow beneath the infamous billboard. Bill asks Don if he thinks his (Bill’s) face should be up there. Don says that it’s Bill’s store but that they’re vulnerable and there are limits to what they can do. Bill goes on to bitch about how he can’t tell Barb because she still fells so guilty and how he forgot Nicki’s anniversary and like, does he think Don doesn’t have problems? Does he think that this whole billboard fiasco isn’t affecting him or his life? He’s just so selfish.
Bill: My son saw the sign. (angry pause) This thing’s coming down now.
Part 2 is on its way!