TV Review: American Idol Top 12

Oh lord. Stevie Wonder night. Wanna bet they butcher his catalogue?

Melissa McGhee'sblack dress was stunning. Obviously she's singing a ballad.

The show starts.

Ace Young, what the hell? sweetheart. I'm gonna need you to find the pitch. As soon as he said he was gonna sing "Do I Do" I knew he was fucked. First of all, if you're gonna sing a song like that, you at least need to stay in the right key. Second, you need to have charisma (see Mario Vazquez). Paula needs to get her ears and her blood checked. All that Valium's giving you delusions of grandeur sweetheart.

Kellie Pickler, what people love about you is that you're adorable and unpretentious. The dress, the hair, even the song, it was all a little too Celine Dion. The rendition of the song was sweet, but you were nervous out of your ass, and it was one of the most boring performances I've ever seen in the top 12. With that said, as Simon would say, she's going to "sail through" to next week. Let's not forget people, Carrie Underwood's performance of "When Will I Be Loved" in the first week of the Top 12 didn't get good comments from the judges either. Then she came back next week and sang "Alone."

Elliott Yamin, if you win, please use that million dollars to fix your teeth. I'm starting to feel like I'm watching someone sing in a subway station. With that said, it was a good performance, and the run at the end was great. He's got a beautiful, soulful voice. He's just gotta learn to color up the songs a bit more. Especially Stevie.

Mandisa's performing barefoot. I feel slightly uncomfortable. It might have something to do with the fact that the midriff of her body is the most odd shape I've ever seen in my life. Or the fact that this is the shittiest song choice she could have possibly made. A few good vocal runs, but we already know you can sing. The performance overall was effective at best. Hopefully we'll see better from you in later weeks.

Bucky Covington. First of all, your name's Bucky. That in itself is a reason not to vote for you. Someone remind me how the lead singer of Nickelback's inbred third cousin got on American Idol? Second, this guy singing Stevie Wonder's "Superstition" is like Hilary Duff playing Effie in Dreamgirls. Never again. Never ... again. Please go back to the spontaneous hole in the ground in Utah you crawled out of.

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Article Author: Chris Evans

Chris Evans is a graduate of Marymount Manhattan College, with a B.A. in Communications. He is working on several screenplays and hunting for a media job in this hot mess of an economy.

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Article comments

  • 1 - Amrita

    Mar 15, 2006 at 12:19 pm

    All right, so I'm still watching the show - there goes my "I only watch it for the kooks" excuse. That apart - am I the only one who thinks Kevin Cowais looks like Chicken Little? Or is that too mean?

    My choice for going home - Kevin Cowais/Bucky Whatsisname

  • 2 - DIAMOND

    Mar 15, 2006 at 1:30 pm

    WELL I DONT KNOW THIS AMERICAN IDOL IS NOT AS INTERESTING AS THE OTHER ONES , IM BORED MAN.THERES NO REAL COMETITION , IT JUST SEEMS SO OBVIOUS WHOS GONNA WIN IT. WELL ANYWAYS..

  • 3 - Jim

    Mar 15, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    I really wish that Elliott was better at song choice. That voice is amazing. The song choices are not. He's also so nervous. I really want him to do well.

  • 4 - Pat Fish

    Mar 15, 2006 at 2:03 pm

    That was so funny.

    Disagree with you about Bucky. Although I liked your description, heh.

    AI could be ready for a male country/western type. I made a post about the teeth and the compassion police jumped all over me.

  • 5 - Ty

    Mar 15, 2006 at 4:03 pm

    Paris has already has a HUGE connection to the music industry. She shouldn't be on AI.

    Therefore, nobody should vote for her.

  • 6 - Jalina

    Mar 15, 2006 at 4:37 pm

    I know David is going to win man and The stlyle of his music that he likes is so getting boring and i ready for somthing new

  • 7 - Chris Evans

    Mar 15, 2006 at 6:27 pm

    ...Who is David?

  • 8 - WTF?

    Mar 15, 2006 at 6:53 pm

    Chris original? How is a karaoked rock cover of RHCP of a SW song original?

    He totally butchered the meaning of THEMES.

    As always, solid performance, 0 originality. One trick pony that one.

  • 9 - Ghost

    Mar 15, 2006 at 11:35 pm

    I am really just trying to let everyone know how much you are being duped by the networks here. Whether its American Idol or say Survivor these are not the best of the best thats for sure. As an example please refrence this Stevie Wonder cover song by a band from Boston Simply Amazing

  • 10 - steven

    Mar 23, 2006 at 5:39 pm

    I want kevin back

  • 11 - Steve

    Mar 27, 2006 at 4:35 pm

    You've clearly never been to Utah...because Bucky has got to be from Appalachia. But then, I've never been to Appalachia.

  • 12 - Karina

    Jun 29, 2006 at 11:27 pm

    Who is David? That crooner who was kicked way before this? And Chris is original? That bald guy copied other rockers - not an original vein in his bod. Yuck.

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