When this Idol season started gas was just two dollars a gallon and the TV news was talking about getting out of Iraq instead of nuking Iran. I’m pretty sure that Paris Bennett was in middle school and Taylor Hicks had dark hair. I vaguely remember that they were talking about Ace Young being one of the favorites and Elliott Yamin was in danger of being lost among charismatic performers like Mandisa and Kellie Pickler. I was still having nightmares about Kevin Covais outlasting Scot Savol.
As I watched Tuesday’s show from my hotel room in Florida this week, I got this odd but in some ways relieved feeling that I’d run out of things to say about the show. In much the same way the blogosphere had stopped finding new ways to dissect Stephen Colbert’s doing the dozens with W at the press corps dinner. Of course, this president is expected to face less criticism than your Average Idol contestant.
I’d heard Taylor Hicks chant “soul patrol” a hundred and seventy two times. I knew Paris Bennett would say “thank yew” in her squeaky voice even if Simon was saying “That was completely unlistenable. Had I compared it to nails on a chalkboard, it would have insulted chalkboards.”
I even knew the exact moment Chris Daughtry would strangle his microphone stand.
As I watched Katharine McPhee self-consciously avoid a repeat wardrobe malfunction instead of connect to yet another power ballad, I was starting to tell myself ”Wow, that Cal Ripken did the most incredible thing!”
Can you imagine watching seventeen hundred episodes of Idol in a row?
In any case, what are you supposed to comment about when there’s no weird musical guest to somehow slight one of the singers, the judges do almost nothing bizarre, Kellie Pickler is gone, and the music itself never quite makes it to memorable? Had Sominex become the show’s news sponsor?
I have to say that what’s been an entertaining season is now flirting with boredom.
Years ago, there was a Super Bowl that ended like 16-14 with a last second field goal miss. As close as it was, the game simply wasn’t exciting because each team mostly turned the ball over and there were no spectacular plays. With the show down to five finalists and each one now asked to do two songs on the same installment, it was an opportunity for one of them to grab the viewer’s attention and declare himself or herself the frontrunner.
Instead, the survivors chose to kick musical field goals. There was Chris Daughtry rocking away again with "Renegade." The judges loved it, but I found myself thinking during the better of his two rock out numbers, “Sure, fine, but is this any better than the eight other times you did this?”
Article comments
1 - Linda
"There was Elliott Daughtry doing the R&B bit". Poor Elliott, even when he is finally mentioned in the media, he gets Chris's last name. It's ELLIOTT YAMIN!!
2 - Charlie
Are you Simon, you sound like Simon. I was ready for a nap after reading half of this article. Hope you can get some new negative material before you print again, we've already heard all this crap from Simon.
3 - chancelucky
thanks for the correction Linda.
Charlie, sorry. After 13 weeks or so, I suspect I might have worn out on Norah Jones or Lauryn Hill as well.
4 - Darchavious Henderson
Well, I think Paris, Mandisa, and Kelly were three of the best singers on American Idol and when they were eliminated I was very shocked and now to tell you the truth it isnt really worth watching. Well I take that back because whoever wins American Idol I deeply and truly congradulate them but our American Idol would have been alot more interesting if Paris, Mandisa, and kelly were still competing.
5 - Leah
I sure don't agree with Charlie! People who read and write AND watch American Idol will love your clever commentary, such as the "ultimate Simon"parody you gave us at half time. I've been reading far too many articles and blogs about AI--can't figure out why I'm doing this, but I've discovered, in the process, that it really doesn't seem to matter what a writer attempts to say to AI fanatics--they each have a favorite and just don't care to do more than attempt to cheer and sneer even louder than the other blog-posters. In that I suppose they're no diffent than any other zealot. In any case, thanks for the fun! Hang in there and keep entertaining your readers.
6 - Chancelucky
Leah,
thanks for the encouragement. It always helps. Other than being out of state last week, one of the hard things was that there wasn't a lot to say about last week's show, though I did think about some of the fun with Ryan chasing Paris around the stage and the gum. I seriously thought about taking a week off, but then felt the pull of finishing the AI marathon.
Darchavvious,
While I rooted for Paris some and didn't much root for Mandisa or Kelly, they were three of the more interesting contestants this year. It's not as much fun without them. I do think Paris may well hae a bigger career than any of this year's contestants.
7 - Jim
The only thing west of Russellville is London, AR. And I'm pretty sure it's less Diva City than Meth Mountain.
I probably shouldn't've said that.
8 - chancelucky
I've only been to Russellville once. I remember a lake, a nuclear power plant, and a sort of obscure college where I stayed some 20 years ago for one night. There was some talk back then about the recreational habits of some of the natives. At least I didn't say which Diva might be hanging out in Diva City.
I do remember being on some blue highway in Arkansas and coming across a sign that pointed to both Paris (not Bennett) and Vienna which were both reasonably close. It was funny at the time, but I guess one would have had to have been there.
In any case, even in these places the locals knew what "on paper" meant and had heard western accents.
9 - kfc
With the show down to five finalists and each one now asked to do two songs on the same installment, it was an opportunity for one of them to grab the viewer's attention and declare himself or herself the frontrunner.
You're so right...Katherine tried and succeeded with 'Over The Rainbow' but, she won't have that song on her first CD. Personally, although each contestant was given a list of song choices, I feel the producers and the judges sold them all out. They played ' Stevie Wonder ' week or 'Burt Bacharach' week or 'Rod Stewart's Songbook' week..or 'Elvis week' and most of the contestants weren't even born when these people were popular. After their performances, the singers were complimented with the likes of 'Why did you do that song, dawg..you know that song belongs forever to.....? Well, duh..talk about setting these kids up for a major let down.
I've watched AI 1-4 and started to watch AI5 but it was too painful to watch these young people getting thrown to the wolves each week; the blatant favoritism...."You'll be in the final two, I'm sure of it!!!!' and the destructive comments.
Okay, I'll get real..it's a part of the process of learning about the real world...however, the judges intimidated the contestants so much that they chose 'ulta safe songs'..well, maybe the only ones they recognized..Chris did his best and stayed true to himself by 'rocking out' and Elliot came a long ways in his singing skills and everyone dissed Bucky (I loved his voice and smile)and people either 'got'or didn't 'get' Taylor. I loved Kellie Pickler and Mandissa and Ace and Paris, Kat and Lisa but.....
..there were no fabulous 'glory notes'..or personality that said 'Ah'm gonna wink at mah fans' (except Ace..) and Taylor's 'Levon' was a total disappointment compared to Billy Clippert's rendition on Canadian Idol...and that really was a WOW moment...No one was flamboyant like Jacob Hoggard of Hedley or soul-stirring like Josh when he sang Halleluah..(all of CI3 fame). There wasn't one song on AI5 that consitutes a WOW moment.
And, after all the blood, sweat and tears, Taylor managed to get upstaged by the 'singer supreme' of glory notes...of the wonderful personable wink..and the joyous smile..and the stylish hair (okay ..the 60ish hair)...by the one who knows how to say it all by saying nothing at all.
Taylor won AI5 but, to sell CD's, he's got to project charisma...he's got to listen to what the public says and he's got to bring it home. He's got to find a song that sings to him and will, in turn, sing to his fans.
To keep AI popular, the producers should be using current day successful singers as role models (the good ones, that is). There are a few out there...eh, Clay?
Red Deer Alberta Canada
10 - chancelucky
Red Deer,
As an American, I've never seen Canadian Idol. I would be curious to see how the formula plays out in iohter countries. Obviously, the show started as a British show, but how much does the formula vary?
11 - kfc
chancelucky,
There is very little difference in the format of the two shows..only the word American has been changed...lol; however, although our judges started out a trifle harsh a la Simon, they've found out people don't appreciate that much negativity and have adapted a more moderate tone....although Zack Warner is still 'his own person'. Sash Jordan is akin to Paula..except she's got all her faculties..and Jake Gold and Farley Flex, also record producers, tend to go for rockers...Farley is a very sharp dresser and leaves the 'dawgs' at home.
Thanks for your comments...love your writing style.
Red Deer Alberta Canada
12 - chancelucky
Red Deer,
I had wondered about that. Canadians, in general, have always struck me as much more "polite" than Americans. Again, Simon's British, but wasn't sure how his style would play there. Actually, Paula's ruder than Simon in a lot of ways though not as a critic.
Thanks for the info on Canadian Idol. I'll have to find a way to check out the other versions before season 6 of AI starts.