T: You wanted to know why the E-phaser doesn’t work on ballads.
CL: Actually, you’re right.
T: We can’t figure it out. Also the rays seem to come in just above chest level. Have you noticed that whenever she sings on her knees, she does really well?
CL: Well, I sort of thought that it was because she was self-conscious about her butt (I started feeling oddly uncomfortable). Thetan, uh thanks, this was the most amazing interview.
T: You know we almost got her anyway last week. We had a connection to Lisa Marie Presley….(he paused as if he’d just said too much). You realize that you can’t ever tell anyone about this.
I then pointed to someone near the door and said, “Hey, I remember you. You were in the volcano in Battlefield Earth.”
I ran up to him, pretended to shake his hand, then ran out into the street. For three days, I’ve been laughing at the oddest times, though. If the Unification Church can run the Washington Times, the Church of Scientology can certainly control American Idol in its way.
That brings me to the big Taylor secret. You remember Billy Bass, the fish that you hang on the wall and it wiggles around and sings Bobby McFerrin?
Okay, have you noticed that the Taylor forums are filled with animated Taylor icons? Ever wonder why they call the show AI? Also, does anyone remember a six-sided black plastic box that had brightly-colored trapezoidal buttons? It would play notes and you had to follow the notes or it would squawk at you. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the gadget was called “Simon?"
Each of the last three years, there’s been at least one contestant who was accused of being the product of Artificial Intelligence. First it was Di-bot, then it was Scott Savol and even Carrie Underwood, then Lisa Tucker. Simon would even joke with them about it just to throw America off. You don’t have to believe me, but there’s a factory in western China that has already made three million animatronic Taylor Hickses for thirty seven cents a unit. Target has committed to the first lot for the Christmas season.
If you order now, you can get a full set. There’s a dancing version that does “Taking It to the Streets”. Another does “You Are So Beautiful”. Plans for one doing “Country Roads” fell through after a battery drain issue problem caused it to seem sleepy and lifeless. With all models, you press on his stomach, he goes into a crouch, and pulls out a harmonica. At the end of the song, each animatronic Taylor chants “Soul Patrol” four times with raised fist. Until you’ve seen 383 Taylors do this simultaneously, you really haven’t lived.
Article comments
1 - NR Davis
No doubt, Elliott is a class act. He will go far and deserves to do so.
The inner geek idea re: Kat is intriguing. Makes sense on lots and lots of levels. I still wouldn't buy her records, but I would see her on Broadway.
That said, I have to make you happy and do my thing for the big guy (NOT Thetan): Soul Patrol! (x 4)
2 - chancelucky
Natalie,
thanks for the comment. Sometimes it does come down to taste. I actually like Broadway, think Sondheim is one fo the great composers of the 20th century, etc. so wouldn't mind a mini-revival. I also love many of Taylor's influences, but may not see Taylor himself as all that much of a "mold" breaker.
If you're interested though, I can get you a full set of Animatronic Taylors at a 50% discount. I know the computer engineer on the H1 and he's the designer of the Taylor chip. Whooo!
3 - Jesse
I found this description really resonates for Elliott too. He's a great guy, too bad he's out.
"My side theory is that most Americans have their sense of adult sexual esteem formed some time in junior high school. If you're cute and popular as a pre-teen, you can gain a hundred and fifty pounds as an adult and still flirt with confidence. If you were a geek back then hiding in theater productions, no matter what happens in your adult life you never quite lose that fear of not being fully accepted."
This is why people don't get Clay Aiken either. He was a geek during those high school years and isn't yet comfortable or confident in his sexiness.
4 - NR Davis
Mr. Chancelucky, I assume the chip is something intended to be humorous?
NR Davis
5 - Tom Wilson
Katherine reminds me of Woody Harrelson's character in "White Men Can't Jump". Using basketball metaphors, as with the movie character, she's great at dribbling, passing and shooting -- but as much as she wants to she cannot dunk the ball, even if it costs her everything when she fails. In Katharine's case, the "dunk" is any power ballad. When she starts, you know ahead of time what the outcome is going to be, and it's difficult to watch.
Tom
6 - Lynn
I personally think Elliot and his goat throat stayed way to long on AI and don't see him having much of a career.
7 - Kathy
Katherine just isn't the signer the show has made her out to be. She's a pretty girl, but she was the least talented of the bottom 5. Paris, Chris, Elliott and Taylor have more talent. Paris, Mandisa and Elliott were the best singers of the competition. Katherine probably had the most experience of all of them, and yet, she had the most inconsistent performances. Some people are born with it. She just wasn't, but Hollywood is good at molding people and creating an image for the public to idolize.
8 - chancelucky
Natalie,
yes, the chip is a joke, not a chip on someone's shoulder.
9 - NR Davis
Mr. Chancelucky, thanks for the answer. It's nice when complete strangers appear to be helpful.
NR Davis
10 - alwaysright
Enjoyed your review!!! I completely agree with your points about Katharine. You can tell she's not used to being so beautiful, and probably had to rely a heckuva lot on her persoanlity to get anywhere in high school. She definitley has a sarcastic wit about her, that we're just not really used to seeing in a gorgeous girl. I think that's why her sense of humor comes across as arrogance...we're not used to seeing pretty girls with personality, because in most cases, pretty girls don't really need personality. Such is not the case with Katharine. She clearly was not so beautiful her whole life.
11 - kfc
This is why people don't get Clay Aiken either. He was a geek during those high school years and isn't yet comfortable or confident in his sexiness.
I think you hit the nail right on the head. Never thought of that before. Clay still doesn't get it but....his fans sure do.
Although it's always simpler to stay the way you are, I think people who make the cut on American Idol should take the opportunity to accept professional advice re: their appearance and make whatever adjustments that are suggested if they seem appropriate.
Elliot is a good singer, but, like Ryan Malcolm of our Canadian Idol program, didn't try to mold himself a little in order to project a more current image. The judges say it's all about the performances but, au contraire, they don't hesitate to criticize the dress or hairdo or whatever if there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with the performance.
Although Taylor has worked hard to get to the final rung, I still find it hard to believe he's as young as he is. And, I can't understand why so many people pick him apart. He's a very nice fellow and will make a very outgoing and personable idol....as will katherine.
I firmly believe the judges have too much of a vested interest in who wins; their aim is to sign the person who can make the most dollars for them. Thus, they pour out their manipulative comments and, when not so, very caustic and petty ones. If they would simply provide constructive criticism and some important pointers to the contestants re: their performances, maybe the voters would support the person of their own choice, as they should.
The show itself is actually a farce as both remaining contestants have been signed already (in advance); as were both Clay and Reuben (after the contest was over). The prize is supposed to be 1 contract for the last person standing. IMHO, the whole premise of the contest is misleading.
In close decisions like these, a tie should be formally declared...would preserve the integrity of the show's award system.
Red Deer, Alberta Canada
12 - kfc
"The cool thing is that this week we get to sing songs we've already sung on the show. I'm going to pick songs I can sing with full confidence, knowing the judges liked them in the past, just picking songs I know I can do well and the audience liked. At this point, I feel so much freer. It is still a competition, but we both have won, we both have record deals now. I just feel so grateful at this point that anything that happens, I don't think I'm going to take any steps backwards at this point."
Katherine, in her interview with USA today...May 19th.
Although I'm happy for both Taylor and Katherine, doesn't this undermine the validly of the crowning moment for the actual winner?
13 - Josh D
I am pleased with the two finalists. They both have their own strengths. Katherine is beautiful, great voice and I feel when she comes down off of the AI high, she will be a great interview. She seems honest no matter what. She does seem lacking in confidence.
Taylor on the other hand has a great gritty voice, and I think this is his one chance for the big time and he ain't about to let it get away from him. He does annoy me with his spastic dancing, but if I close my eyes, I like what I hear.
Elliott was never on my radar. I think he seems like a great guy, but the vibrato was hard to listen to. Brought back shades of Carmen Rasmussen.
I also agree with the poster that Clay had the jr high school "Do they really like me?" vibe.
I'm disappointed that they are rehashing the songs we have already heard. The finale should be show stopping...Bridge over troubled water anyone? Whatever happens, I like them both, no clear front runner for me this year.
14 - ann
Right on Kathy #7. Now - who's on both lists?
Next question: What are the powers that be interested in - a quick buck or creating a career that will be around a long time?
I hope the right producer finds Elliott and he is one of the latter. A temporary e-bay fix is okay but I'm waiting for the real thing.
15 - Yvonne
I like to watch AI but it was very disapointing again this year. I believe the finalist should have been the two best male vocalist of the season, Elliott and Chris, then the winner would have been determined by music preference.
16 - chancelucky
Yvonne,do you mean by type of music rather than by preference between the singers?
17 - Yvonne
Chancelucky,
type of music preferred, R&B or Rock.
since both singers are excellent...
18 - chancelucky
Thanks for the clarification Yvonne. I thought Chris was good, but wasn't sure how either would hold up in his own genre. It was interesting to see Chris sing with the lead singer from Live.
I don't think many people question Elliott's voice in his genre, just whether or not he'll have the stage presence/distinctiveness to keep people's interest. On my own site, I get way more hits from people looking for Elliott stories than for Chris, if that's any kind of sign. (it may just mean I'm lower down in any search algorithm for Chris Daughtry than for Elliott).