I found my way to some sort of reading room filled with people offering to test my spiritual potential. Thetan, a slightly chubby young man was seated at a library table. He held what looked to be a soup can with a wire sticking out of it.
CL: So, I don’t understand why the hate here for Katharine McPhee?
T: She denied that she was a Scientologist.
CL: I think she said she went to a meeting once because she was dating some guy who was in the church. But they broke up.
T: She lost twenty pounds and she dumped me, but that has nothing to do with it.
CL: Okay.
T: You noticed that ever since she denied that she was a Scientologist, the judges turned on her. You remember “being in God’s hands” when she hit the bottom three?
CL: Yeah, I guess it was during the Church of Mandisa.
Thetan picks up his soup can and holds it out to me.
T: This uses advanced alien technology. Any time you want to make Katharine McPhee laugh or smile at inappropriate times during her performances — in fact, it works on anyone with DNA similar to hers. It can also make them cry. On certain kinds of music, it can make her shriek in pain just at the wrong moment. For some reason it works best on songs sung by Whitney or Christina, but we’ve gotten it to work with other music. You wouldn’t believe how well it works with Phil Collins.
CL: Wow. Look, I don’t want to get too personal here, but when Katharine was losing the weight did you think about maybe joining a gym yourself? Maybe see a dermatologist, go on “The Swan”, instead of, well, this?
T: You’re not very advanced are you?
CL: Well, I’m no Tom Cruise, I guess. But, why doesn’t this thing...
T: It’s called an E-phaser.
CL: As in Elliott Yamin?
T: I can’t tell you that unless you pay me thousands of dollars for auditing and bring two of your friends.
CL: Could you tell me what’s up with the message board hate stuff?
T: You are aware that the Church of Scientology has controlled all message boards on the net ever since use.net? Just post something negative about the church and see what happens.
CL: I take it you don’t watch South Park much these days.
T: I know what you were going to ask.
CL: Sure.
Article comments
1 - NR Davis
No doubt, Elliott is a class act. He will go far and deserves to do so.
The inner geek idea re: Kat is intriguing. Makes sense on lots and lots of levels. I still wouldn't buy her records, but I would see her on Broadway.
That said, I have to make you happy and do my thing for the big guy (NOT Thetan): Soul Patrol! (x 4)
2 - chancelucky
Natalie,
thanks for the comment. Sometimes it does come down to taste. I actually like Broadway, think Sondheim is one fo the great composers of the 20th century, etc. so wouldn't mind a mini-revival. I also love many of Taylor's influences, but may not see Taylor himself as all that much of a "mold" breaker.
If you're interested though, I can get you a full set of Animatronic Taylors at a 50% discount. I know the computer engineer on the H1 and he's the designer of the Taylor chip. Whooo!
3 - Jesse
I found this description really resonates for Elliott too. He's a great guy, too bad he's out.
"My side theory is that most Americans have their sense of adult sexual esteem formed some time in junior high school. If you're cute and popular as a pre-teen, you can gain a hundred and fifty pounds as an adult and still flirt with confidence. If you were a geek back then hiding in theater productions, no matter what happens in your adult life you never quite lose that fear of not being fully accepted."
This is why people don't get Clay Aiken either. He was a geek during those high school years and isn't yet comfortable or confident in his sexiness.
4 - NR Davis
Mr. Chancelucky, I assume the chip is something intended to be humorous?
NR Davis
5 - Tom Wilson
Katherine reminds me of Woody Harrelson's character in "White Men Can't Jump". Using basketball metaphors, as with the movie character, she's great at dribbling, passing and shooting -- but as much as she wants to she cannot dunk the ball, even if it costs her everything when she fails. In Katharine's case, the "dunk" is any power ballad. When she starts, you know ahead of time what the outcome is going to be, and it's difficult to watch.
Tom
6 - Lynn
I personally think Elliot and his goat throat stayed way to long on AI and don't see him having much of a career.
7 - Kathy
Katherine just isn't the signer the show has made her out to be. She's a pretty girl, but she was the least talented of the bottom 5. Paris, Chris, Elliott and Taylor have more talent. Paris, Mandisa and Elliott were the best singers of the competition. Katherine probably had the most experience of all of them, and yet, she had the most inconsistent performances. Some people are born with it. She just wasn't, but Hollywood is good at molding people and creating an image for the public to idolize.
8 - chancelucky
Natalie,
yes, the chip is a joke, not a chip on someone's shoulder.
9 - NR Davis
Mr. Chancelucky, thanks for the answer. It's nice when complete strangers appear to be helpful.
NR Davis
10 - alwaysright
Enjoyed your review!!! I completely agree with your points about Katharine. You can tell she's not used to being so beautiful, and probably had to rely a heckuva lot on her persoanlity to get anywhere in high school. She definitley has a sarcastic wit about her, that we're just not really used to seeing in a gorgeous girl. I think that's why her sense of humor comes across as arrogance...we're not used to seeing pretty girls with personality, because in most cases, pretty girls don't really need personality. Such is not the case with Katharine. She clearly was not so beautiful her whole life.
11 - kfc
This is why people don't get Clay Aiken either. He was a geek during those high school years and isn't yet comfortable or confident in his sexiness.
I think you hit the nail right on the head. Never thought of that before. Clay still doesn't get it but....his fans sure do.
Although it's always simpler to stay the way you are, I think people who make the cut on American Idol should take the opportunity to accept professional advice re: their appearance and make whatever adjustments that are suggested if they seem appropriate.
Elliot is a good singer, but, like Ryan Malcolm of our Canadian Idol program, didn't try to mold himself a little in order to project a more current image. The judges say it's all about the performances but, au contraire, they don't hesitate to criticize the dress or hairdo or whatever if there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with the performance.
Although Taylor has worked hard to get to the final rung, I still find it hard to believe he's as young as he is. And, I can't understand why so many people pick him apart. He's a very nice fellow and will make a very outgoing and personable idol....as will katherine.
I firmly believe the judges have too much of a vested interest in who wins; their aim is to sign the person who can make the most dollars for them. Thus, they pour out their manipulative comments and, when not so, very caustic and petty ones. If they would simply provide constructive criticism and some important pointers to the contestants re: their performances, maybe the voters would support the person of their own choice, as they should.
The show itself is actually a farce as both remaining contestants have been signed already (in advance); as were both Clay and Reuben (after the contest was over). The prize is supposed to be 1 contract for the last person standing. IMHO, the whole premise of the contest is misleading.
In close decisions like these, a tie should be formally declared...would preserve the integrity of the show's award system.
Red Deer, Alberta Canada
12 - kfc
"The cool thing is that this week we get to sing songs we've already sung on the show. I'm going to pick songs I can sing with full confidence, knowing the judges liked them in the past, just picking songs I know I can do well and the audience liked. At this point, I feel so much freer. It is still a competition, but we both have won, we both have record deals now. I just feel so grateful at this point that anything that happens, I don't think I'm going to take any steps backwards at this point."
Katherine, in her interview with USA today...May 19th.
Although I'm happy for both Taylor and Katherine, doesn't this undermine the validly of the crowning moment for the actual winner?
13 - Josh D
I am pleased with the two finalists. They both have their own strengths. Katherine is beautiful, great voice and I feel when she comes down off of the AI high, she will be a great interview. She seems honest no matter what. She does seem lacking in confidence.
Taylor on the other hand has a great gritty voice, and I think this is his one chance for the big time and he ain't about to let it get away from him. He does annoy me with his spastic dancing, but if I close my eyes, I like what I hear.
Elliott was never on my radar. I think he seems like a great guy, but the vibrato was hard to listen to. Brought back shades of Carmen Rasmussen.
I also agree with the poster that Clay had the jr high school "Do they really like me?" vibe.
I'm disappointed that they are rehashing the songs we have already heard. The finale should be show stopping...Bridge over troubled water anyone? Whatever happens, I like them both, no clear front runner for me this year.
14 - ann
Right on Kathy #7. Now - who's on both lists?
Next question: What are the powers that be interested in - a quick buck or creating a career that will be around a long time?
I hope the right producer finds Elliott and he is one of the latter. A temporary e-bay fix is okay but I'm waiting for the real thing.
15 - Yvonne
I like to watch AI but it was very disapointing again this year. I believe the finalist should have been the two best male vocalist of the season, Elliott and Chris, then the winner would have been determined by music preference.
16 - chancelucky
Yvonne,do you mean by type of music rather than by preference between the singers?
17 - Yvonne
Chancelucky,
type of music preferred, R&B or Rock.
since both singers are excellent...
18 - chancelucky
Thanks for the clarification Yvonne. I thought Chris was good, but wasn't sure how either would hold up in his own genre. It was interesting to see Chris sing with the lead singer from Live.
I don't think many people question Elliott's voice in his genre, just whether or not he'll have the stage presence/distinctiveness to keep people's interest. On my own site, I get way more hits from people looking for Elliott stories than for Chris, if that's any kind of sign. (it may just mean I'm lower down in any search algorithm for Chris Daughtry than for Elliott).