While in the waiting room, Margaret scared to death the contestants — and the viewing audience -- by lifting her coat, revealing that her bright yellow stretchy pants are barely containing her ginormous FUPA. Oh, and the best part is that, although she looks much, much older, Margaret claims that she's 26 years old. Riiiiiiight.
As Margaret walks in the room, Simon wears an enormous look of disgust on his face, knowing that the producers have tortured him once again by letting someone like her through. Of course Margaret can't sing, and afterwards Simon called her outfit an "Easter bunny nightmare experiment," and proceeded to ask how old she really is. Margaret says, "I'm 26," in her annoying cutesy voice, to which Simon replies, "Yeah. I'm 11, she's 9 (gestures to Paula), and he's 10 (gestures to Randy)." Margaret then replies that she's 33, but Simon still doesn't buy it. Finally Margaret says that she's FIFTY years old. Jeez. Not surprisingly, during a commercial for Fox News I see that in fact, Margaret is milking her 15 seconds of fame, "singing" at some diner, wearing the same horrible outfit. My Bullshit Detector just exploded.
Jamie Lyn Ward brings us the Sob Story of the Week. Jamie Lyn is 17 years old who lives with her grandma and paralyzed dad. He's paralyzed because he caught his wife (Jamie Lyn's stepmom) cheating on him, so he shot her AND himself. Hey man, I don't blame him, but how is he not in prison? Fortunately, Jamie Lyn is a very good singer, though a little shaky. Paula comments that her voice would be prettier if she doesn't over-sing, and both Randy and Simon are amazed that she was spot on and agreed with her. Jamie Lyn gets a golden ticket.
Chris Sligh looks a whole lot like Jack Osborne, and he actually mentions it himself. Chris is very witty and says that his goal is to make David Hassellhoff cry, referring to the actor's reaction during Taylor's win last year. Chris is actually a pretty good singer, reminiscent of Meatloaf but not nearly as angst-ridden. Chris gets 3 yeses. Afterwards Chris says that he won them over with his personality: "I just looked at Paula and she crumbled into my chubby little hands." I like Chris' snarky sense of humor. Thus ends day one, and including Chris 11 people received a golden ticket.
Day two finds the contestants with one less judge. Paula had to deal with some family issues, so it was just the guys. I bet that the auditioners were shaking in their boots. After all, Paula is the "nice one." First up is Victoria Watson, and The Addams Family theme plays because she looks like Cousin Itt. Victoria has been growing her hair throughout her whole, 16-year-old life and it's now six feet long. I can see the fingers of the Idol stylists twitching in anticipation. Not surprisingly, her mom has the same fashion sense, for she stopped growing her hair at 26 years old. Oh brother. Of course the judges asked for the mom to come in the room as well for the visual impact. Sadly, the judges had to turn down Victoria right in front of her mom. Ah well.
Article comments
1 - Kaonashi
For the record, it appears that my article was censored and the link to FUPA was deleted. Here is the link.
2 - Kaonashi
Ah, I just received word from one of the editors. It was just an editing mistake. You will all know what FUPA means shortly ;)