TV Review: American Idol 6, Episode 4: New York Auditions - Page 3

Screaming like a wild banshee, Sarah then claims that she would be a unique Idol because she can't sing! WTF? It's like she's using the Chewbacca Defense! Furthermore, Sarah expects to be taught how to sing while being on the show. Unbelievable. The judges kindly remind Sarah that American Idol is a singing competition and that they're looking for singers, and send her on her way. Outside, Sarah launches into full batshit crazy mode by screaming to everyone within earshot how mean the judges were to her (which they totally weren't), and how rude it was for the judges to go out drinking last night. I so wish that Simon was there at the time, so he could tear her a new one.

Simon finally makes it to the judges' table, and not a moment too soon. Antonio Torres comes in dressed as Frank Sinatra and horribly sings "New Yor, New Yor" (those aren't typos). Oh, did I mention that Antonio is FORTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD?!?! Who the hell let him in?

I didn't quite hear who Jory Steinberg is, so I don't know why she got to meet the Queen of England. Jory is very good; in fact, Simon remarks, "Why can't they all be like that?" Wow. Jory, you better not disappoint Simon in Hollywood.

Porcelana considers herself an "American Idol Soldier". She's spent the past year training her body and voice for the audition. She kind of reminds me of Pink. In my opinion, Porcelana wasn't that great, but both Paula and Carole thought her voice was unique, and she's through to Hollywood.

Christopher Henry causes Simon and Paula to fight. Supposedly a George Michael and Simon lookalike, Christopher sings Kelly Clarkson's "Before Your Love" in a female voice. This of course prompts Simon to quip, "The reality is that you should be singing in a dress and stilettos," causing Paula to call him an asshole. What happened to the days when the judges would scold contestants for cussing? Anyway, Paula starts giving Christopher advice (most likely pursuing a career as a female impersonator), when Simon keeps interrupting her, asking what it had to do with the competition. Christopher goes home without a golden ticket.

Rachel Zevita is an opera singer, though she's dressed like a hippie. I thought her singing was scratchy and more like screaming, but it seemed that her opera skills convinced the judges to send her through.

Now we're treated to a godawful montage of contestants singing Lionel Ritchie's "All Night Long". Among the highlights are a guy who sings it with a Kermit the Frog voice, a dude in an astronaut suit, and some idiot guy dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Man, and people think that Los Angeles has the weirdos.

Article Author: Toni Schwartz

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