I’m going to get attacked in every conceivable way for this, but what do I make of the fact that there’s a good chance that this year’s female American Idol contestants could beat up this year’s males? Put Brenna Gethers and her claws in a steel cage wrestling match with Kevin , Radar O’Reilly does Ted Mack, and what do you think’ll happen?
Let’s try a little thought exercise. It’s clear that the Amazon Idol women would have the makings of a very good basketball team. They have two for real basketball players in Becky Maxim Twin and Ayla “You Don’t Need This” (see Nikko Smith) Brown . Paris Bennett and Lisa Tucker could easily be the names of point guards in the SEC. Mandisa could stand in for Charles Barkley. Did anyone see the arms on Heather Cox? If it was between her and Gedeon for the rebound, who do you think comes down with it?
Now part two, do any of these guys look like anyone you’d pick in a football or basketball game? How do I say this? You let 12 guys pick any song they want as America’s first impression of their Idolness and the choices include Michael Jackson, George Michael (Father Figure no less), Elton John, Barry Manilow, and Melissa Ethridge (who actually is the only one on the list who appears to have much interest in women).
I know that American Idol might regret having let Matt Rogers into the competition, but the whole football player thing had a certain appeal; that was until they showed the clip of the guy taking a bubble bath. Bucky Covington looked like he was rescued from the set of a Deliverance remake. I don’t know what to say about Elliot, other than he looks more like the kids who might have been shooting something other than baskets.
Beyond that, do I even need to go down this list that starts with Peter Makar Brady and includes Sway , shorter than Ryan, in a White Hat and Shoes singing falsetto for three very long minutes? Maybe I could get some minutes out of Bobby Bennett, maybe covering Mandisa in the paint while comparing manicures, but yikes ! I wouldn’t call this a group of guys’ guys, not that there’s anything wrong with that. :}
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Article comments
1 - Sharon
Personal attacks are not allowed??? That all you do -go see Dr. Phill - anyone who rips so many people apart must need a great deal of help - bet you have never done anything good for anyone - including your disgusting writing.
2 - Chris
Actually, that was the best review of the contestants I've read yet. Very snarky - good job. I get tired of rampant political correctness.
3 - chancelucky
One thing I like about blogcritics is that it's a forum that serves widely different tastes and different politics.
Sharon, I do apologize if I offended you or anyone else. If you watch the AI audition shows, it's pretty clear to me that the spirit of the show is far from gentle or polite about individual differences or "straying from any perceived norm". This was written in that spirit. I appreciate your taking the time to read it.
Chris, thanks for your kind comment.
4 - Al
I love it!...why is that nobody can say what they really think without being sent to see the Dr and people taking things so personally.
Good for you!
5 - Jewels
Great Snark; spot on! I enjoyed your review immensely. Written in the vein of the AI contest.
6 - Jackie
Heehee, someone else came up with the Jackie Gleason/Bobby Bennett bit, too. At least I know now it wasn't in my own twisted little mind when I wrote it.
As for personal attacks, I believe that wouldn't include performers in the public eye and reviews. If they're going to be up on stage or in politics, whatever... they're opening themselves to the public for review. My personal understanding regarding no personal attacks would be amongst the commenters, not the review material.
Good one, Chance! (Even if I don't agree with ALL you wrote!)
7 - Natalie Davis
" I know Stonewall supposedly help break down those prejudices..."
Obviously not, given the tone of this posting.
Save the flaming; I'll do it for you: "Oh - how dare people be offended!!! Something must be wrong with YOU to be upset about seeing the rampant stereotyping on AI and in this essay. Lighten up. Oh, and how dare you express your opinion!"
NR Davis
8 - chancelucky
BAcking up a little bit, yes I plead very guilty to rampant stereotyping here. If I'd written somethinga little more serious in tone about the "sexual politics" in America's current most popular television show, I'd likely have been much more careful not to risk offending readers or anyone mentioned in the blog.
It's fascinating to me that AI has such a strongly gay subtext. (sort of similar to Frank Rich's analysis of Top Gun) Of course, American pop music always has from Cole Porter, through Billie Holiday, Boy George, John Lennon (at least in part of his life), on forward. At the same time, AI also pays homage or also features a number of individuals who claim to be fervent Christians. The show picks up on a lot of the tension between these two "pop" Cultures and I've never had any idea whether or not it's intentional.
When I joke about Ace Young singing George Michael, I'm aware that there are a lot of people who'll think I'm insulting Ace Young by bringing it up. I don't care if Ace Young simply likes George Michael because he's a straight guy who simply likes George Michael (there are many but fewer than say 20 years ago or after the arrest) or if he was slyly telling America something. I do care that AI tries so hard to sell us on the "heart throb" thing.
I don't think strong athletic women are lesbians, in fact, I also mentioned that the bulk of this year's women are "babes" to the "conventional" eye. There's nothing wrong with women being better at football than guys in my mind either.
As for Mandisa, she can clearly defend herself perfectly well.
For the most part, AI has been both subtly and overtly gay friendly. When I referenced Stonewall, I was talking about the historical dividing line between Matachine Society gays and the drag queens who first forced the topic into the public eye. I think Simon's comments to the more "out" singers in the auditions reflect an unfortunate prejudice that Stonewall helped to break down but that never really went away.
Humor often skirts the line between tasteless, offensive, and with the case of the Danish cartoons even blasphemous. I don't mind being told which side of the line I might have fallen to some commenters. I did write what I wrote to be funny, though I clearly understood that it could be offensive (as I mentioned up front).
I have no interest in flaming anyone back. I probably did enough of it in my post.
9 - Gray Charles
Gray Charles?
Here it is