I’ve heard a lot of grumbling to the effect that many people couldn’t imagine ever wanting to buy a CD featuring a number of this season's American Idol semifinalists, particularly the males. Let me cut to the chase.
Last year I had the good fortune to have secret sources come forward to tell me about the animatronic Taylor Hicks dolls being made in China, the peculiar influence of the Church of Scientology on the competition, and most notably Elvis’s role in getting Chris Daughtry voted off the show. This year, I’ve been getting e-mail from an anonymous source called “Dunklepal” and I feel it's my duty to cut my usual review short and share e-mails culled from the server used by the show’s producers.
12/12/06 To CD:
Whoo! Thank God for last year’s strategy of you don’t have to be the “winner” to still win on AI. Whoo, whoo... geez Cowell’s a pita, but he was right the first time. America didn’t want to buy that ticky, blues singing, loser’s music. Instead, we signed Chris, Kellie (can you believe that her first single went double D.. I mean, platinum?) and maybe McPhee (did she really have to let Tyra Banks treat her like a roll of Charmin?).
But what happens if we break out five new singers every year? The market’s going to saturate. I say horizontal marketing. Who says we have to limit ourselves to cranking out singers or even music? Kellie could certainly do well on a sitcom and Kevin Covais already looks like a cartoon character. Paris Bennett could have done some of the voices.
12/13/06 To NL:
Right, I guess I’m the only one around here who remembers Kelly Loves Justin. We fired everyone who thought it was a remotely good idea. Except us of course.
12/13/06 To NL and CD:
Hey guys, I had to comment. I thought America’s Got Talent did pretty well.
Regards,
Hoff12/14/06 To CD:
Freaking “Reply to all”…. Fire your secretary! You remember last year when that clown wanted to sing in the finale? By the way, I never thanked you for diverting him to that judging gig on that piece of *&%*$ show. So what was that horizontal marketing talk again?
12/15/06 To NL:I think the difference is that those were afterthoughts. This time we do it from the beginning.
12/16/06 To CD:
Article comments
1 - jones
I don't understand what this is. Is it supposedly real emails or a joke? Between who??
2 - chancelucky
Jones,
thanks for reading. I had the story marked "satire" instead of "review" for a reason. Any resemblance between Nigel Lythgoe and Clive Davis is purely coincidental. Anyway, hope that helps.
3 - jones
Ah, I see. I figured i was missing something. Funny ;)
4 - chancelucky
Jones,
thanks. It worried me some to think that people might be reading this and thinking it was on the level.
5 - betsy
blunker? Is that a British word or something? Never heard of it. Anyway, Blake is not a "second-line entertainer" - he has already proven he can sing a variety of songs very well. Can't wait to see what he does with other genres! But I agree that the character he did was stupid.
6 - betsy
Sorry, I meant to type busker, not blunker! Anyway, I don't know the word.
7 - chancelucky
busker is the British term for street musician or entertainer who performs in public and essentially leaves a hat out for tips. I actually think Blake Lewis is pretty good, it's just that his bit with the character set off that vibe and that's all I was refering to.
fwiw, there's a Joni Mitchell song "plays real good for free" that's vaguely about how a street musician is more of an artist than she is...
8 - betsy
Okay, so do you agree with Joni? To me it sounded like you thought Simon should CRITICIZE Blake for sounding or looking like a street performer. I think "buskers" are usually very cool! And yes, often more talented than what is put on TV and radio (Britney Spears, K-fed, etc..). But Blake's dumb character would not be respected by other buskers and the street crowd, so Simon could have criticized him for acting like a BAD street performer.
9 - chancelucky
Yeah, in some cases I do sort of agree with Joni. A lot of street musicians are really good. I still remember the New York city subway guy. An Asian man in one of the Brooklyn stations with a CAsio keyboard singing Italian Opera.
I was really more just noting that Simon never mentions street performers in his cavalcade of so called "second line" acts. Of course, maybe that's out of respect or maybe it's because all the street performers were on America's Got Talent last summer.
10 - betsy
The only performers who get Simon's respect are ones that are "big enough" to become slaves to the recording corporations/industry. Remember how he scoffed at Blake's answer during auditions for why he didn't make it big yet? That he was in Seattle, not in LA? If Simon was the type to respect street performers he would not have skoffed like that. Whether or not you have a record contract or sell bazillions or records should not be the measurement for respect.
11 - chancelucky
Betsy,
The show makes no bones about looking for a "pop" idol. iirc Simon's background is completely in A&R., it's always been his job to worry about marketability and virtually little else.
He's good at it, but I don't think he's John Hammond.
12 - Michelle
Buskers are actually much better performers than stage performers - you have to be really great to make people give you money on the street when they don't HAVE to. A lot of buskers were asked to be on American Idol and refused to be on it (it doesn't pay, so it's like the network exploits the musicians. It's OK for beginner musicians who need exposure, but for professional musicians it's exploitation). I follow the blog of this busker in NYC (she has a blog about playing the saw in the subway - www.SawLady.com/blog ) she was asked to be in American Idol when they had the subway musicians in it and she was not interested.
13 - chancelucky
You know, I've never been sure how compensation works on the show. Certainly if you make the top ten, they pay you for the tour. I've assumed you don't get paid for going to Hollywood.
Really interesting story about the Sawlady. I'll have to check out her blog.
be a really fun challenge.....Have the best street musicians take on the AI finalists. Show would never do it, but it would be really interesting.
A few years ago, Oprah did a show of unknown singers who didn't meet the age requirements. Most though not all were better than the finalists.
14 - Jewels
So far this year I"m seeing this talent pool more shallow than my daughter's wading pool. Stand outs with good voices have been Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha. Melinda seems almost a "plant" she's so different from the rest, plus that entire "I'm so humble and grateful to be here" schtick beginning to rankle false.
I'm enjoying the Simon drama, threatening to quit the show if Sanjaya gets much farther or egads! wins. This season is all about the drama.
Since the first show whenever Stacey sings I hold a wooden cross; I have heard Nosferatu can transcend television frequencies...via satellite.
15 - chancelucky
Jewels,
thanks for reading and commenting. My take is a little different. I think the men definitely are weak, but I think the talent pool may seem shallow because a couple of the women are really good, at least so far. Melinda may be much more polished than anyone they've had and so I sort of agree with what you're saying. There've always been singers out there better than the ones who appear on the final.
Phil Stacy maybe doesn't do well on a tv camera. Last show though, it was the hat that I found really weird.