TV Recap: Gossip Girl - "Chuck in Real Life"

Vizzini in The Princess Bride: "You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

Now we can add another to the list -- if you are Vanessa, what in the world could you possibly be thinking in blackmailing Blair? Couldn’t you just amuse yourself harmlessly by bathing with venomous snakes or snorting anthrax? 

Vanessa stupidly tempted fate in order to save an old vintage New York speakeasy. I know that every teen on this show downs liquor like its bottled water, even Eric, but if you’re trying to save a dingy old bar, should your point person really be a 17 year old girl?

Here’s how Blair reacted to being blackmailed... she promised Chuck Bass, the devil incarnate (or at least his son), sex in return for the seduction and humiliation of said Vanessa, or you know, what Chuck calls a Tuesday.  Nevertheless, in her haste to get back at Vanessa, Blair made a serious error. One would think that she could have dealt with Vanessa without pulling out the nuclear option. For Blair, who seems to miss being in Chuck’s bed, this must have seemed like killing two birds with one stone, but instead she found herself upsetting the very delicate Blair/Chuck mutually assured destruction arms race.

So yeah, Vanessa wound up humiliated, but in a way so did Blair.

The Devil comes to collect

Gossip Girl came very close to becoming the Red Shoe Diaries this week.

Blair: What took you so long?
Chuck: If you thought that was long you have no idea what you're in for.

But wait...

Despite what Eric said about nobody watching TV on TV anymore, this is still sort of network fare and no boots were knocked. Besides, sex is a secondary concern to both Chuck and Blair. They both want each other, but they both share the need for the complete and unconditional surrender of their adversary.   Chuck wants Blair to admit her love.

Blair: I will never say those words to you
Chuck: Then you will never have me

Sexual Heat Level

Dan/Serena – Tepid at best
Chuck/Blair – Volcanic

I’m usually in favor of the romance, but is there anyone who isn’t over whining Serena and wet blanket Dan. It’s time for Blair and Chuck to finally team up and give Austin Powers someone challenging to battle.

Article Author: Brad Laidman

Brad Laidman writes on pop, politics, and other less than vital issues. He blogs at Brad Laidman.com and is desperate for comments so that he will feel truly loved.

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