Well, color me a masochist when it comes to the Academy Awards. Every year I shake my fist at the television, cursing the Oscar gods for their ignorance, and vowing never to watch again. A monkey will learn to not go for the electrified banana after he's been shocked a few times, but like clockwork every year, I return to get my annual zap-o-agony. But at least with my lifetime of being electrified, I've learned a thing or two about how these guys work. So without further adieu, here's who's going to be nominated in the top six categories.
Best Picture: Million Dollar Baby, The Aviator, and Sideways are like a bagel's favorite sidekick: lox. The only question is who's going to nab the final two spots between Finding Neverland, Kinsey, Incredibles, Ray, and Hotel Rwanda? Incredibles ain't gonna happen; Finding Nemo getting snubbed pretty much confirmed that the Best Animated Feature category has killed the chances of any animated flick sneaking in. Kinsey's chances of getting nominated are about as small as Peter S-...I can't finish that sentence or Jen will beat me to death. So what have we got left? Neverland, Ray, Rwanda. The Academy likes films with large black casts about as Michael Moore digs Fox News, so there ain't no way they're nominating two of 'em. So Finding Neverland gets in by default; besides, they dig schmaltz. And in the last slot, I'm going to go with Ray since people generally prefer grooving to good tunes as opposed to thinking about preventable genocide.
The final 5: Million Dollar Baby, The Aviator, Sideways, Finding Neverland, Ray.
Director: You can always count on at least one nom for a director whose film got snubbed. But besides Eastwood, Scorsese, Payne, Forster, and Hackford, does anybody really have a shot? Yeah, there's my beloved Michel Gondry for Eternal and Yimou for Hero or Flying Daggers. But I think Yimou's screwed since he has two flicks out this year, so he'll probably split his own vote. So why won't they nominate Gondry? Just to spite me. So I'm sticking with the five I've got. Maybe that's the ballsy move! Or perhaps it's just a cop out by a wuss.