masochism n. 1. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
Well, color me a masochist when it comes to the Academy Awards. Every year I shake my fist at the television, cursing the Oscar gods for their ignorance, and vowing never to watch again. A monkey will learn to not go for the electrified banana after he's been shocked a few times, but like clockwork every year, I return to get my annual zap-o-agony. But at least with my lifetime of being electrified, I've learned a thing or two about how these guys work. So without further adieu, here's who's going to be nominated in the top six categories.
Best Picture: Million Dollar Baby, The Aviator, and Sideways are like a bagel's favorite sidekick: lox. The only question is who's going to nab the final two spots between Finding Neverland, Kinsey, Incredibles, Ray, and Hotel Rwanda? Incredibles ain't gonna happen; Finding Nemo getting snubbed pretty much confirmed that the Best Animated Feature category has killed the chances of any animated flick sneaking in. Kinsey's chances of getting nominated are about as small as Peter S-...I can't finish that sentence or Jen will beat me to death. So what have we got left? Neverland, Ray, Rwanda. The Academy likes films with large black casts about as Michael Moore digs Fox News, so there ain't no way they're nominating two of 'em. So Finding Neverland gets in by default; besides, they dig schmaltz. And in the last slot, I'm going to go with Ray since people generally prefer grooving to good tunes as opposed to thinking about preventable genocide.
The final 5: Million Dollar Baby, The Aviator, Sideways, Finding Neverland, Ray.
Director: You can always count on at least one nom for a director whose film got snubbed. But besides Eastwood, Scorsese, Payne, Forster, and Hackford, does anybody really have a shot? Yeah, there's my beloved Michel Gondry for Eternal and Yimou for Hero or Flying Daggers. But I think Yimou's screwed since he has two flicks out this year, so he'll probably split his own vote. So why won't they nominate Gondry? Just to spite me. So I'm sticking with the five I've got. Maybe that's the ballsy move! Or perhaps it's just a cop out by a wuss.
.jpg?t=20130517094513)
Article comments
1 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
drew, i think you're accurate as all hell. but that ain't the duke agreeing with these choices, just noting that probably thats what they're gonna be. i ain't seen hotel rwanda yet, but it'd be a motherfucking travesty if kevin bacon didn't get nominated for The Woodsman. Or Chris Bale for The Machinist. Ain't gonna happen for bale, but i would have thought bacon should have walked that right there. but no, i doubt it.
Supporting actress should have spouted wings and flew directly to kirsten dunst, maybe with a little note saying "By the way, we know the duke's adoration means more than this shitty bitta whateverthehell, but what can we do? we've included the udke's phone number just under the bald fellas chin, just so as this maybe gets to mean something, if only by association. the duke thinks you're just swell kirsten. you fucking divine miracle. as in celestial in origin, and not a fat transvestite eating dog shit from off of the pavement."
Something like that.
Johnny Depp deserves the best actor, but you're right i think. i dont think he'll get it. Seed Of Chucky should get best actrss for jennifer tilly. Again, probably not very likely.
Best foreign flick should swim directly to In My Skin. And best screenplay should be written all over Charlie Kaufman's wire-headed head.
Incidentally, a good friend and myself were debating starting a three piece band called the kaufmans, and naming ourselves lloyd, andy and charlie. We'd need a third friend for this to occur, though, sadly.
2 - DrPat
Thanks, man! This is the first year in (mumbles) Idunno howmany that I haven't seen one - not one of the prospects for best picture.
Not even Incredibles...
3 - Eric Olsen
man, that's some interesting and intricate tea leaf-reading Drew, thanks!
I'm dong better than usual, having seen THREE of the movies you mention: Incredibles, Eternal Sunshine, and Kill Bill 2. As you can tell: it's kid's movies in teh theater and DVD for everything else.