Tom the Dog's Completely Unfair Preview of the Fall 2005 TV Season, Part 2

Part 1.

More looking ahead at the worst of the new TV season, according to nothing more than the shows' websites and my mean-spirited nature.

Part 2: The Netlets

FOX

-I love how Kitchen Confidential is "based on renowned chef Anthony Bourdain's best-selling autobiography," yet the main character's name has been changed to Jack Bourdain. What the? What is the point of that? TV is weird. And check out Nicholas Brendon in the cast picture. Now, I don't want to go making snap judgments on a show I haven't even seen yet,* but if his character isn't gay, I will give each one of you a shiny new nickel.**

-I find it telling that in the show description for The Loop, we learn that main characters Sam's "roommate, PIPER, is a medical student, Sam's college pal and - unbeknownst to her - his longtime crush." Yet, in the cast photo: no Piper. You know what that means? The actress who played Piper in the pilot episode: canned. Sacked. Shown the door. Escorted by security from the premises. Ouch. Also: surely Philip Baker Hall can do better than this.

-Killer Instinct (previously known as The Gate), which will surely be the finest crime drama set in San Francisco since Nash Bridges, centers on Detective Graham Hale of "the S.F.P.D.'s Deviant Crime Unit." I'll see you a Special Victims Unit, Law & Order, and I'll raise you a Deviant Crime Unit! Coming in 2006: Minneapolis Blue: Fucked-Up Pervo Freakazoid Shitfit Unit***.

WB

-Just Legal has to be a temporary title. It has to be. Are they seriously thinking of airing a show whose title is strongly reminiscent of almost-underage porn? Oh, wait, it's the WB. Maybe they are. As for the show itself: sounds like Doogie Howser, Esq.

-Supernatural follows Carlos Santana as he teams up with a different musical guest star each week to create a Latin-flavored pop song. Wait — wrong Supernatural. This Supernatural was pitched as Route 66 meets The X-Files, I imagine. It stars Rory's doormat boyfriend from Gilmore Girls and Lana's tool boyfriend from Smallville. Let me show you exactly where this show lost me.

Article Author: Tom the Dog

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