There's just too much TV.
No, not in the it's a crap wastoid lost culture soulless crunch of inevitable biosphere husked out cortex shutdown kind of way. Or even the I really need to have a really real life and not spend time picking corn chips out of the nethers while couch sores ripple across long neglected and now seriously afflicted castoff flesh kind of way.
I mean there's too many good shows, too many shows I've heard I have to see that I haven't seen, and too many shows that I've caught bits and pieces of and would love to see more of but things like having to "talk to other humans" and "putting food down my throat" and the weekend work-release furlough "ending" keep getting in the way.
For you see, there's just too much TV.
Take, for example, Herc's Top 10 Scripted Hourlongs of 2005, from Ain't It Cool News. These list-things help to eat away at the soul linings, like acid dripped from vials held by squash-headed aliens with hazy-shaped auras made of fire and reeking of barbeque sauce.
If for no other reason than to let it burn, let's run down the list and have a little dance:
#10 – The O.C.
I've not seen very much of The O.C. (while in real life, ironically, I see quite a bit of it), but I can live with that. What I've seen was melodramatic and teenybopper friendly. Hoorah for them and theirs and their non-corroded soul masses. However, something deep within says: maybe you should be watching this. The terror!
#9 – Everwood
Now, this is truly perplexing. Surely such a program gets safely filed away under the same file as 7th Heaven and Hope & Faith and Leave It to Jim (my favorite example of Must Not See TV) and such guff, correct? Do I need to live with monks on a windswept hill for 14 years of vowed silence and intensive study and irrevocably shift my life-paradigm?
#8 – The Inside
Ah ha! This one I can truly get down with. Saw every episode and sulked and wept messily when it was put on hiatus. And then I cried and rejoiced and self-flogged even more gratuitously after bearing witness recently to Tim Minear's even more brilliant yet equally short-lived Wonderfalls.
#7 – Six Feet Under
I stopped watching after the Season Four episode where Michael got car jacked. That hour of television scarred me. I'm serious – I couldn't go back for more real-hurt after that one. Well, maybe one day… but you know what I'm saying.
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Article comments
1 - Bliffle
"...and such guff,..."
Guff? Guff? Now there's a word out of the past. Why does it pop up now? Noone in western civilization has used 'guff' in 30 years.
Next thing you know people will be putting guffers knobs on their steering wheels. Oops, they've all got power steering: don't need a guffers knob. I should have invested in guffers knobs: They're $10 at the antique shop and they used to be $0.59 at the autostore. Better investment than GM, apparently. Better product, too. Guffers knobs were cheap and lasted forever. Only time you replaced one was when you wanted a new picture of a bathing beauty. Easy to replace. Power steering cost me $2000 when I bought the car, cost me another $2500 to repair a few years later. I woulda been better off with a guffers knob.
I need a guffers knob for my truck. No power steering. But it has other virtues like gods-own-airconditioning: wing windows. Bonus: pillar is great place to grip with lefthand while tanning forearm blasting down 101. Improves leverage while cranking wheels out of tight parking. Need pack of Camels rolled up in my tee shirt cuff.
Anybody know an antique shop where I can get a guffers knob for my truck?
2 - Eric Berlin
Guff is still good 'nuff for me !
3 - Scott Butki
Great piece, Eric. Bookmarking this to read again later when more alert.