I watched the first episode of the third season of The Surreal Life last Sunday. I know I should be embarrassed for watching that janky shit, but it truly turned out to be comedy at its best (or worst, but in a funny way). When it comes to putting together the cast of a reality television show, few have been quite as disturbingly interesting as this pathetic mix of has-been’s.
First of all, the house they put the has-been’s in is just plain weird. There weren’t enough bedrooms to accommodate the three men and three women, and the rooms were occupied on a first come, first served basis. At least one of the rooms had no door, and another didn’t even have walls. It was just stuck in the middle of everything else. So already you knew the stage was set for conflict.
But forget the scenery…let’s get to the has-been’s.
You’ve got the infamous Flava Flav, who still sports the same ugly-ass gold teeth he did when Fight the Power was a hit. He also still drapes that big grandfather clock around his neck. The "yeah boyee" is still in full effect, and it seems like any second he might bust out with an old played-out family reunion-type rendition of 911 is a Joke.
Flava seems to have this “thing” for Wonder Ho…oops, I mean Brigitte Nielsen, whose drunk ass couldn’t hardly stay awake long enough to complete the one-hour segment.
And talk about a skeez! Wonder Ho…damn, I keep saying that…I mean Brigitte Nielsen…kept running around the house naked. Now, perhaps during her days of Red Sonja fame, many dudes might have found that ideal. But all the folks watching the show with me nearly lost their buffalo wings when her flat, flabby ass came jiggling across the screen like bowl of way-too-old Jell-O.
She told everybody she likes to be nude, and I can appreciate that. But what she fails to understand is that not everybody else wants such an intimate view of her maybe-I-used-to-be-sexy-back-in-the-day-but-those-days-are-long-gone body. It just ain’t cute. Not even a little bit.
This bitch was so trifling, she was cooking food for the people in the house, and all she was wearing was a thong and an apron. Now, I don’t know about the other folks in that house, but if it were me, Wonder Ho and I would have a serious problem. Nudity is all cool in the neighborhood when you know the folks around you or when you're by your damn self. But to be walking around a bunch of strange people in a thong when your ass is about 12 steps away from achieving success in a 12-step sexy program just ain’t right. Shit…what am I saying? To be walking around on national television in a thong when your ass is about 12 steps away from achieving success in a 12-step sexy program just ain’t right. Some people don’t need to be naked in public. And she’s one of them.
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