I didn't watch the Academy Awards the other night. My wife and I rented a couple of movies instead: Lost In Translation and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The former was immensely better than the latter. I have no idea what could have been going through the minds of the producers, let alone the writers, of The League. But if I had to guess, I'd say it was something like, "Let's make a really lame movie and dig up some old cinematic fossil to star in it in order to sucker people into spending their retirement money on tickets."
To be fair, though, I'm sure it's the kind of dopey crap that would appeal to the very young and the addle-minded; people either too immature or too dumb to know any better than to waste two hours of their precious lives on something about as interesting as midget wrestling.
Sunday morning, my wife Liz was watching My Cousin Vinny on television. This movie is astoundingly stupid and predictable. Yet, for some reason, Marisa Tomei (playing the role of Mona Lisa Vito, Joe Pesci's girlfriend) won an Academy Award for her lack-luster performance as a ditzy Italian numbskull (think Fran Drescher, who's idiocy comes naturally).
I think it's obvious to even the casual observer that Marisa Tomei has no soul. If she had an ounce of humanity in her, a sense of decency and ethics, she would have declined the Oscar. How she managed to wrangle that coveted award from those far more deserving will surely remain as mysterious as the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa.
Without a doubt, Marisa Tomei is the type of person who would force-feed a Hershey bar to a diabetic, if she thought she stood to profit from doing so.
I'm not one to make a public display of my emotions, but when I heard she'd won the Oscar for Best Actress, I cried. I cried for her, for the poor sap who should have won it, and for the revelation that there is no God; that all my years of Christian upbringing were swept away like fallen leaves on a brisk October day. I didn't just lose hope in humanity. I lost faith in it, as well.
Article comments
1 - Michael
"Remember back when the movie Shakespeare In Love won Best Picture over Saving Private Ryan? How is that possible?"
Because not everybody liked SPR. Hype for SPR as a great war movie with extremely realistic depictions of a battle convinced me that I really didn't want to see it. For the right movie, I could have seen it in spite of that, but the plot of actually saving the private didn't seem likely to be very interesting. I could've been dragged to it by spouse and friends, but Tom Hanks, star of Monsters and Mazes, Bosom Buddies, Dragnet, Turner and Hooch, and Joe Versus The Volcano is a box office disincentive for me.
On the other hand, SIL had a clever Stoppard script, a fine cast, exceeded my expectations and we left the theater smiling and laughing and talking about the large and small things we'd liked in the film. I'd've voted for it and was pleasantly surprised when it won.
It also probably didn't hurt the oscar voting that it had a theater setting or strong studio support, but I don't think that was the deciding factor.
2 - Chris Kent
I love Shakespeare in Love!
No wait, I have strong feelings for Shakespeare in Love!
It was kind of odd that it would win Best Picture, but I never really thought Saving Private Ryan deserved the top nod anyway. I always thought the frame of that film, the old man visiting D-Day sight, family quietly standing behind him like a fucking Hallmark card - was so putridly sweet as to be repulsive. It almost ruined the entire film for me. I also thought the film tried to have its cake and eat it too - being a revealing work about the realities of war, yet giving us a story straight out of Sgt. Rock comic books. A well-made, though agonizingly uneven film.
Spielberg's missteps in filmmaking, and he makes a surprisingly large number, are so glaring as to make you question his entire legacy.
3 - You-Ass
How dare you make fun of an actress just doing her job! What the Hell is your problem?! Are you jealous? [personal attack deleted] The Nanny and My Cousin Vinny are funny, and for entertainment.Tom Norris,it is harassment to write things like that, I've alerted police, and you are about to pay a BIG fine. You deserve it!!!!!!!! Everything you get!