Perched on the edge of her bed she parted her thighs. "Look here" she says, gesturing to yon most celestial hidey-hole.
What I saw, old chum, it near pickled the teeth pink in my skull.
There, on the crest o' the labia, a tiny screen was visible, and upon that screen an image projected from behind, from somewheres close to the cervix I dare say.
By leaning to the left-hand side Victoria set the image in motion, and soon, with the vulva glowing round about, I was watching Sympathy For The Devil by that aforementioned Frenchman flickerin' from twixt her legs.
Victoria, she explained it all to me thus;
"I woke up one morning when I was twelve or thirteen and found that my stomach had knotted itself in six as I had slept. Believing it to be the work of the devil I contacted my cousin, Reverend Phillips, who advised me, in turn, to instead see the doctor, for it was most likely the beginnings of menstruation, rather than the doings of any diabolical entity of any kind."
The doctor, he asked if any blood had appeared on her undergarments in synch with these pains and prangings, to which Victoria replied no, but something had appeared. Not blood, but something.
Tiny chards not unlike iron fillings had been dripping and dropping with great aplomb from out her hoo-hah for much of the six or seven days theretofore. The doctor, after having received enough of these items for to examine thoroughly under laboratory conditions, he appeared at Victoria's door later that evening in a maniacal fuss with regards the nature of the substance.
"What these are", he explained, "are minute strips of celluloid. This one here, for example, contains a scene deleted from Diary Of A Chambermaid, and this…"
He opened his palm to reveal a cluster of similar items.
"…This is the opening of Space Is The Place, starring Sun Ra."
"Well I'll be buggered tartan" said Victoria. "I've always wanted to see that."
For whatever reason, in addition to the fuzz and the fluid and the general hormonal bluster a young lass might expect in adolescence, in addition to this, says I, a small cinema had formed in the confines of Victoria's vagina.
The film being screened therein would change once a month, in accordance with the habits of any regular menstrual cycle. "Most times I hardly notice" she explains, "And only really get cramps or what have you when something shite is being shown."







Article comments
1 - Steve C.
I always knew cinema was a lifeblood of sorts, but I never expected it literally.
Awesome stuff, as always. I'm never quite sure what to make of Godard, but rarely are his films not worth a look at least.
2 - Aaron Fleming
I agree Steve, Godard's films are always at least somewhat interesting, even though some are much better than others; just compare Alphaville with The Riflemen.
And thanks!
3 - Mat Brewster
Should I comment on the cinematic hoo hah or the Fleming moth? Too hard to chooose, so I'll just say I this very noon picked up a copy of Alphaville and look forward to its cinematic graces.
Brillians stuff gents, absolutely brilliant.
4 - Aaron Fleming
Alphaville is genius Mat, you'll love it!
5 - -E
Congrats! This article has been selected as one of this week’s Editors’ Picks.