The First Rule Of Cops

I've learned a lot of things from my television. It's taught me that all of America's crime problems can be solved simply by giving a few mutated turtles karate lessons. It's taught me that there's nothing funnier than a trio of Jews poking each other in the eyes. And it's taught me that Jeff Foxworthy sucks gelatinized ass-crust. But none of these things can really be applied to everyday life on a regular basis.

Cops, however, has taught me the greatest lesson of all: it is impossible to get arrested if you have a shirt on.

This is a scientific fact, and you can't argue with science.

I honestly can't count the number of times that I've been chased by the cops for huffing paint, indecent exposure, unlawful possession of a swerving car, or jus' plain ol' bootleggin'. But just when I think that I'm done for, I always remember The First Rule Of Cops: shirts (and pants) make you invisible to law officers, and I manage to prevent my heterosexual butthole from being violated in jail. If you don't believe me, just sit, turn on your television and watch a couple of episodes of Cops. Not a single person arrested on the show is wearing a shirt. Sometimes I get the feeling that when the officers on the show aren't quite sure who to arrest at a crime scene, they simply slap cuffs on the dude without a shirt on.

But I just realized something: the opposite must be true for women, 'cause the only ones that ever seem to get out of a ticket on the show either have on a low-cut shirt, a see-through shirt that advertises their naked boobies, or no shirt at all. So I guess The First Rule Of Cops doesn't apply to the ladies.

Either way - the next time you're being chased by Roscoe and Enos with a trunk full of moonshine, you know how to make sure you don't get arrested.
ED/PUB:AK

Article Author: Timmy

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