What it is, folks, is there comes a point in a man's life when he has to admit, to accept, that he just can't fucking well do everything. When it came to flinging together my Best Of 2003 list (which, oddly, featured some of the flicks I was gonna put on here, before I noticed the overlap on account of fucked-up release dates and such), it took until April 2004 before I felt comfortable with it. This year, I strove for timeliness.
Now what I'm gonna do is take a leaf out of fellow-Blogcritic James Lars Ericson's book and just admit that there are flicks I still haven't seen, not for want of trying, and so what this is, is My Favourite Flicks Of 2004 Thus Far, Until Such Times As I See Everything.
Of course the things I still have to see (Birth and 2046 at one end of the spectrum, being the Can't-Wait's, and shit like Polar Express at the other, being a Couldn't Care Less If I Tried) might not affect the balance one way or the other. But they might, and if they do, you'll be the collective first motherfucker ever to know.
Now, this right here isn't a simple procedure, by any stretch of the imagination. For the serious cineaste, what has to be done is dozens upon dozens of lists have to made, and pie-charts consulted, and percentages deduced and probably some shit involving Pythagoras's Theorem and all sorts a nonsense before one even considers jotting down the numbers 1-14 and allocating flicks to said numerical positions.
Shit like this right here, in fact;
The Year In Statistics
Number Of Flicks Witnessed In Inappropriate Conditions, I.E, Creepy Asian Horror Watched In Daylight As Kids Ran About The Place Hollering And Throwing Chocolate : 7
Toilet Breaks Per Home-Viewing Average: 1.5
Average Length Of Opening Credits, Post-Studio Logo Until "Directed By" Or Similar: 4 minutes.
Number Of Arguments Occurring During Flick-Observing: 3.6
Rewind Average, I.E, Scene Missed Because Of Argument / Daydream / Kirsten Dunst Walks Past Window: 54%
Cannibals, On Average, Per Minute In Selected Flicks: 0.02
Sex-Acts Witnessed During Screening In Multiplex (Non-Film-Related): 1
So anyway, before we get to the list proper, there's a few prologues to wade through, i.e., this shit right here.
The Mondo Awards 2005 (Awarded To Flicks Released During 2004)
Performance Of The Year By Kirsten Dunst
Kirsten Dunst (The Cat's Meow)
The Golden Placenta - Awarded To Flick With Astounding Birthing Sequence
Gozu (Dir: Takashi Miike)
Best Newcomer
Various Sharks (Open Water)
Article comments
1 - Aaman
Duke, this post is worthy of printing out, framing (or rolling up, as some might) and treasuring for a brief, valued while.
Excellent characterisations - Hellboy and Collateral probably could be bumped into the main list - but a man's got only so much room, I guess.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
aw thanks Aaman. Yeah, as i said up yonder, any other year and both those flicks would've been in the main list. Just goes to show how marvellous this year was for the feature-flicks, if little else.
3 - Aaman
Actually, that was what cheesed me off in 2003 - The King flick stealing the honors from so many other excellent films, so they were overshadowed
4 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
great spider, though.
5 - Eric Berlin
Duke -
I've been waiting for a moment when I had the proper focus to dig through this amazing meal of a list you're provided.
I love all of your specialty awards, first off. Reminds me for some weird reason when I played rugby and teammates would be awarded the Hands of Stone award and such.
I think I've seen less than half of the films you've mentioned (my Netflix queue is tied up with The Shield, The Wire, The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm... I guess I am a bit of a TV-aholic, just in DVD-form) so I've found a good many additions to my Netflix list here.
I agree wholeheartedly with your takes on Eternal Sunshine, Dodgeball, and Napoleon Dynamite.
Being a bit of a comedy junkie, I'll take issue with you on a few points:
- I thought that Starsky & Hutch was, at best, very so-so. Dodgeball had a lot more life to it, and a good many more laughs
- Where's Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle at? Maybe it's an '03 release? In any event, it was the funniest movie I saw in '04. Maybe it's because I grew up around a bunch of hipster Asian kids in New York (many of whom are my bestest friends), but it was a hilarious ride of a film. Neal Patrick "NPH" Harris deadpanning about staining up the fellas car with "That was a dick move"? Greatness.
- I fully expected crude with Team America, and crude I got. But it was the best of Matt & Trey in song-crafting, scouring the F out of EVERYBODY (right & left & Matt Damon), and subversive messaging. And God damn if "Everybody's Got AIDS" was in my head for weeks after the showing... "Come on everybody, we're got quilting to do!"
Duke, please keep on with your filmic raging into that good night...
Eric Berlin
Dumpster Bust: Miracles from Mind Trash
6 - Eric Olsen
Dukey, Duker, DukeDuke - a rollercoaster ride of merriment and insight. Although I loved KB2 and hated 21 Grams, of the others on your list I saw, pretty much total fucking agreement: Eternal Sunshine (crazy convoluted concept AND burning emotional/relationship truth), Incredibles, Spidey 2, and Harry Potter 3 in particular. In fact our siamese twin agreement on so many issues makes the disagreements alarmingly jarring (Did he have a seizure? Is the UK version perversely different? Did I forget my medication?)
Anyway, an unvarnished pleasure.
7 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Hey folks
Eric B - (i believe someone already made the Rakim joke), thank you as always! I too am something of a telly-DVD fan, and at the minute i've got two-seasons worth of The Sopranos to catch up with. I bought em about a year ago and never got round to it yet. Also the 2nd series of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I honestly thought Starsky And Hutch was better, more consistentally funny than Dodgeball, but i stil loved the latter. Just Starsky's romantic comedy overtones were so wonderful, is all. That scene where the blonde one plays the david soul song at the party. Absoloutely stunning.
I haven't seen Harold And Kumar... although i've heard many good things about it of late. It's one of those flicks (like Birth and so on) that may well have impacted the list, but that i couldn't envision seeing in the near future, although hope to as soon as Region 2 DVD's are available. As for the Aids song in TA, i thought that was one of the lesser ditties to be honest. I've been singing America! Fuck Yeah! to myself since i saw it, though.
Eric O - I've never been called Dukey Duker Duke-Duke, and i must admit the sensation si far from unpleasant. Perhaps i will call myself such from now on. It's even got a melodic quality, like you could whistle it, almost.
You HATED 21 grams? How so? I honestly thought it was a masterpiece, a brilliant piece of work. As to KB2, that seems to be the way of it. its a love it or hate it thing. i went to see it with she who was The Duchess until the fucking gods conspired for to fuck a fellas plans up the hole, and she hated the first one. This one, though, she loved, and couldn't understand why i was grumbling on the way out.
Maybe the UK one is different after all. heh. Always one more DVD edition to be milked. After all, Shrek 2 was different over here (with Larry King's voice being replaced by our ever-wonderful Jonathan Ross, although if perchance you downloaded and saw it at the cinema also, as i did, then what happens is you get both. downlaoding flicks increases our knowledge of other cultures, is what. Or the same culture with a different accent at least.)
And to all- apologies that my DVD list isn't up yet this week. Owing to the subtle hints i dropped here and there you may or may not be aware that things have been better in The Land De Duke, so i ain't been in the proper frame of mind for to do much of anything. I'll get on it ASAP
8 - Eric Olsen
very sorry about the Duchess, I had developed an affection for her through your eyes
Not to sully the Dukedom, but I explain my 21 Grams disdain here (and am branded a philistine for my efforts), and my allegiance to Kill Bill 2 here
9 - Eric Berlin
Duke - You must bump the Sopranos up to the top of your viewing list straight away. One of the best shows (and one of the best viewing experiences) ever made. I just went through Season One again and was enthralled. I'm planning on doing a detailed break-down of the pilot episode (why? I'll quote Dave Chapelle from the classic Pop Copy sketch: "Cuz fuck 'em, that's why!") but my blasted DVD player went on the fritz* yesterday.
And then check out Harold & Kumar when you get a chance.
*(You don't hear "went on the fritz" very often these day, do you?)
10 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
eric o, alas i had too.
Eric B- i watched the first season of sopranos, thought it was marvelous. it's the next two i still have to see (i know there's more than three, but thats the only ones i have on dvd). I only ever got half-way through the first season of six feet under, too. Must give it a try again...
11 - Eric Berlin
The first season of Six Feet Under is unbelievably good if you're interested in characters. After that... it's still good, but the gloom-and-doom-and-death motif gets a bit wearing. It's get pretty strange, too (which isn't all bad, of course).
You're in for a real treat with Seasons 2 & 3 on the docket. The second season is particularly amazing, but they're all great, really. I've not yet seen Season 5 and I can't wait for it to be released.
12 - tom sherman
Wow, you liked Saw? You've got shit taste.