The Duke Watches "The Virgin Suicides"

It seems Hollywood has gone and gotten all "clued-in" with regards The Duke's viewing habits. I imagine that a whole bunch a executive types sat around in a room of some kind, maybe with an expensive table in the middle, and they most likely thought to themselves; "What in God's name do we have to do to get The Duke to sit through a flick all about girls doing girlie type things and then being real feminine and so on?"

That right there is the kinda poser I wouldn't like my career depending upon. I'm betting those executive types had to use three, four boxes of Kleenex during that meeting on account of how sweaty their palms were getting. Probably was a suicide or two, also. One of them probably realised that it was an impossible task, trying to get The Duke to sit through 90 minutes worth of touching, feeling, emoting. That one probably jumped the fuck right out of the nearest window.

But then, just as that meeting was coming to a close, some intelligent son of a bitch solved the riddle.

The answer, it seems, is to have Kirsten Dunst star in it. That right there is guaranteed to get The Duke's attention. They probably knew I was even planning on seeing that film about The Smiling Mona Lisa's for that very reason. Those malignant fucks read me like a book and then made a film from the book on account of it was the most amazing thing ever fucking written, is what.

So anyway, what happened is that a film about The Suicidal Virgins or whatever pops up on The Duke's DVD pile on account of he purchased it not a fortnight ago. It had a couple things going for it; For one, it was the debut feature of Sofia Coppola, the woman who then went on to make Lost In Translation, although that one didn't have Kirsten Dunst. For two, it stars Kirsten Dunst.

Article Author: Duke De Mondo

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