Christians, man. What a bunch a hilarious sons a bitches they can be. If they're not getting eaten by lions, or inventing The Crusades, then they're doing all sorts of wacky shit like trying to "de-fag" homosexuals and generally being all up their own arseholes.
Really, you couldn't make that kinda nonsense up, is what.
But to be at least 82% honest, I gotta admit the following; I get the notion that maybe all Christians aren't as self-righteous and full of the proverbial, ie, detestable shit, as some folks would have you believe. I get the crazy idea sometimes that, well, maybe some of them are actually very fine folks.
I even get the hint of a suggestion that maybe when folks go on about how daft those Christians are, what they really mean is, "Shit, those self-righteous folks should be more like me."
Which is the category into which we can fling Saved, a teen-comedy flick about a bunch a holier-than-thou, wacky-ass Christians. You get the notion that the flick might have something worthwhile to say, if it wasn't such a distastefully smug enterprise. Sometimes it comes across as the celluloid equivalent of the motherfucker at high school screaming "Nerd!" at a fella just because he wants to watch some Woody Allen instead of maybe roll around in a field full of shit grabbing onto folks genitals and then pretending it's a manly thing to be doing.
Every scene in Saved is dripping with "How cool are we, man, compared to these wackos?" Still, the first half-hour is pretty funny.
What the "plot", "narrative" and so on concerns itself with, is that Mary, played by Jena Malone, is a student at a deeply conservative Christian High School. She does hilarious shit like run around with Hilary Faye, a lass who loves nothing better than to "save" troublesome students, like folks who maybe go drinking and sexing instead of going to class, or perhaps some Jews.
Mary suffers something of a kick in the happiness glands when she finds out that her boyfriend, Dean, is nothing less than a gay homosexual. All sorts of crap ensues, like she tries to "fix" him by having some sexes, and then a new girl starts at the school, a Jewish lass who smokes and all sorts, and who then falls in love with none other than Macaulay Culkin, who plays Roland, a fella in a wheelchair who also happens to be Hilary's brother.
Article comments
1 - Tom Johnson
Something I picked up on but didn't see others commenting on: the people who do the truly, really bad, actually illegal things are the handicapped kid and the Jewish girl, while those who seem to do the truly "immoral" things are the ones who say they possess the most Christianly values. I was kind of surprised there wasn't a reaction out of the JDL or from handicapped people, but maybe it was just me being overly sensitive . . . ?
2 - Jim Carruthers
What I really liked was the scene where Jacob asks them if they are mean motherfucking servants of God. Oh, wait, that was "From Dawn Til Dusk".
I haven't seen this movie, and probably won't since I don't really have much interest in high school stew-dents, or Xians (unless it involves Father Jack Hackett teaching girls sports).
3 - Jim Carruthers
As everybody knows, "From Dawn Til Dusk" is the Dutch soft-core version starring Ushi Digard of "From Dusk Til Dawn". My bad.
I did think of a high school comedy I liked, which is "The New Guy", mostly for having Lyle Lovett featured as the title character's dad. And Eliza Dushku in very skimpy, tight clothes.