Anyway, The Duke's frustration at this objectionable nonsense was kicked aside somewhat by the fact that the film as a whole is such a heap of fun. Del Toro hasn't really made a bad film yet, from the indie charms of Cronos right up to the mega-budget epic Wesley Snipes Versus Bros. There's a sense of sheer fanboy abandon running throughout much of his work, and even the slightly underwhelming Mimic had a few highly effective scenes and images. However ridiculous the stories he chooses to relate, he always treats them with respect, be it haunted orphanages a la The Devils Backbone, or about how a motherfucker makes a car fly over his head on account of punching it.
Which is the kind of nonsense Hellboy gets up to.
60 years after all that WW2 conjuring affair, Hellboy is no longer the tiny, mischievously cute blob of red CGI we encounter pre-credits, and has grown up to become a cigar-chompin', horn-filing pony-tailed mean son-of-a-bitch, working for the FBI on account of they use to him to beat the fuck out of various demons, monsters, archangels and so on.
At first, the whole thing seems a tad Men In Black, with a naive young rookie being transferred to this demon-hunting wing of the FBI, as both a partner of sorts for Hellboy, and also to be the eyes of the audience, everything being conveniently explained to our young Padawan and, consequently to us.
Who's the motherfucker in the fish-tank, we're thinking, and then it is explained that he is in fact Abe Sapien, a bizarre psychic fish-man so named on account of he was discovered on the day Lincoln was shot.
Abe is just one of the many wonderful characters one encounters via these two hours of explosions, punching, breaking heads, various other "action".
Hellboy himself is something of a loner, an urban legend in the world-at-large, a notion reiterated by the barrage of newspaper reports and witty Bigfoot-esque video footage which serves as the creditless opening credits. He wants to get out in the world, drink beer, throw up, do a sex or two, but can't, on account of he's a seven foot tall bright-red hunk of muscle with a great bloody chunk of rock for a right hand.
Hurt's Bruttenholm has become something of a surrogate father to the bloke with the square-jaw and the big forehead, and is on the cusp of popping his clogs on account of some heart trouble or other. He fondles a rosary in most every scene, a nod to Catholicism that is echoed in the many examples of Christian Iconography peppering the screen on occasion.
Article comments
1 - Jim Carruthers
I was looking forward to "Hellboy", though I hadn't read any of the comix (I've been in a "meh" phase the last while), but had reasonably enjoyed Del Toro's stuff (Especially The Giant Cucharachas Who Ride the Toronto Transit Commission Subway).
I saw a screener, and it was okay, but at the end, well, at least I don't feel cheated. But the characters are shallow, and the villains don't make any sense. They have no motivation other than they are eeevvvviiiilllllll!!!!!! And that makes for a piss-poor villain.
And on the other side, well, they're the good guys, and you don't get much more than that.
"Hellboy" was better than most comic book movies, but almost any two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel would kick his big red ass.
For a good take on the Cthulhu mythos as applied to post-WW II, check Charlie Stross' "A Colder War".
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Jim, thanks for the comments and for the recommendation there. I'll be clicking once i finish here.
I agree with most of what you just said, about how the "evil" characters seem to have very little motivation, or if they do, it's not really related in much of a way other than yacking on about some "Eden" or other, but i dunno, i couldn't see an apple anywhere, and i don't remember the bible having a scene with giant octopi.
Overall though, i thought it was a lot of fun, and it'll probably end up like X-Men 1 is now, an above-average warm-up for a much more involving sequel.
Hopefully, anyroad.
3 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Oh, and totally agree with the Buffy thing. In fact, at various points in the film i was thinking how such a meagre storyline would be better served in a double-part Angel or something.
4 - Jim Carruthers
Actually Joss Whedon already did the treatment for a better story, but instead of calling it "Hellboy", he called it "Fray".
Mysterious gurl with special powers? Check
Horned demon from hell who aides her in fighting some sort of world-ending evil? Check
A fish-like guy who lives in an apartment sized aquarium? Check
Really long-lived evil bugger who wants to bring about the end of said world by bringing back an Elder Ghod? Check
Basket full of kittens? Shit, no way. (Time, Mr. Spike is what turns kittens into tabbies).
"Fray" is also from Dark-horse, and it has an ending which doesn't require "To Be Continued, honestly the next one will be better".
5 - Vic
That was a helluva review. :-)
Vic
6 - Vic
That was a helluva review. :-)
Vic
7 - Shark
And now for something completely different...
Shark watched Hellboy in early April
8 - Shark
"...Incidentally, this final showdown is directly preceded by a scene which climaxes with 45 seconds of silent black-screen."
...meaning "we didn't have a fucking clue what to do here, but figured a theater full of retarded window-lickin' comix and action figure fans won't notice..."
9 - Jim Carruthers
Or the 45 second clip could be the actual work-print (where they leave blank leader while waiting for the CGI to be done) which on release resulted in a hearty round of "I thought you were taking care of _that_" and much ass-kicking.
10 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Jim, its possible. But it does give the impression of much time having passed, meaning the transition from the explosion to the tied-up carry-ons makes slightly more sense.
Shark, thats a tad harsh, dont you think? I don't think i like being classed as a "retarded window-lickin' comix and action figure fan". although i do like comics and action figures, and am probably retarded, but i havent licked a window in at least two months.
11 - Shark
Duke, that wasn't necessarily aimed at you, but um... you did kinda like the movie:
"...It's a bit shallow, a tad overlong, and really, lose the motherfucking Nazi's, but it's still a superior blockbuster with enough heart to justify the occasional lapses in taste or narrative."
Shallow? Overlong? Lose the main drive of the 'plot'?
But it's a superior blockbuster?
Jeesus. What does it take for you to NOT like a movie? What's your friggin' criteria, man?
Oh, wait -- "jawdropping" effects.
No plot.
No characters.
Just jawdropping effects.
hell, you can get that with any commercial on TV.
For free!
Shark's
12 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Shark, PMSL
I guess it just won me over is all, it had a lot of heart, and it didn't feel cynical or calculated to me. It just seemed like a hell of a lot of fun, and really, it was the imagery that won me over in the end. I still say that final scene has some of the most arresting fantasy imagery in a mainstream film in a long time.
I guess its like spiderman. It didn't have much plot going on besides Pete tryin to find himself and what not, and the villain was fairly crud (not to take anything away from willem dafoes energetic gurning) but overall the thing was so much damn fun that you came away with a smile on your face, or at least i did, anyhow.
I just liked the damn thing, man, but that don't mean its flawless. I mean, shit, i think Amytiville II is amazing. What the hell do i know?