That Roland Emmerich, man. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but I don't think I'd invite him over for dinner, to be brutally honest.
"Hey, Roland, shit, man, what are you doing? Why are you smashing all the windows? Why are you hammering my plumbing system into blazes? Yeah, I know that's a real pretty ornament, Roland Emmerich, and no, I don't think it looks even better now that you've smashed it the fuck up."
He likes nothing better than to smash stuff. He's like that kid next door in The Story Of The Toys or whatever, that little malcontent that rips the heads off teddy bears and sticks them onto some abomination he's concocted from Lego and chewing gum.
That cost a lot of money, Roland Emmerich, and look what you just done. You've smashed it to buggery, is what.
But good for those Employment Opportunities people or whoever, since they found him the perfect job. He doesn't have to do his smashing in a car-park, cordoned off by the cops who are scared he's gonna throw a brick against a window and it's gonna smash and cut the heads off folks. He gets to do his destruction on the cinema, on account of he is a very successful director who gets paid lots and lots of money, and more importantly, gets plenty of money to play with, that his explosions, fires, snowstorms, might be ever more spectacular.
Following on from the seminal The Aliens What Killed The World and the less-successful The Giant Lizard What Killed The World, comes his latest blowing things up film, The Weather What Killed The World.
This one pretty much follows the path from a to b to c to d in an identical fashion to the earlier numbers. We have the star of many eighties films who knows what's going on but no motherfucker believes a damn thing he says. This time, it's not Jeff Goldblum or Ferris Bueller, but is in fact Dennis Quaid, star of Jaws 3-D, Dreamscape and Innerspace, about a man gets injected into a rabbit.
Also, we have the half-hour of tense build-up, where folks find big footprints in the ground, or maybe their cable TV goes all fuzzy, or maybe Will Smith arrives.
Then, there's the bout of destruction what has famous landmarks being mishandled in a most amusing manner. And then there's stuff about "What can we do to stop this aliens / lizard / snow?"
This time around though, the build-up isn't so tense. In fact, it's fairly poor for the first twenty minutes or so. Sure, there's a load of nonsense about giant CGI hailstones and so on, but it's nowhere near as white-knuckle as, say, that bit in Independence Day about "Oh, you're fighting aliens, huh?" and you're thinking, oh God, Will Smith, don't you dare turn around.
Article comments
1 - Chris Kent
LOL...El Senor Duke, you have indeed topped yourself. One of the most hilarious posts I have ever read! Does it bother you some of your obscure pop cultural references are going to fly over some of these folks heads?!
Nice job! I saw this flick on the Mexican border, of all places, and can personally vouch for the scene when American folks are trying to cross the Rio Grande into Mexico to escape the approaching Snow What Kills People. The scene brought cheers, laughs and roars that lasted for 30 seconds. When this here flick ended, these folks were giving it a fucking standing ovation - and this was a 2:00 matinee!
Me personally thinks this here Roland Emmerich be as bad a director as I ever did see, but must admit I enjoyed The Weather What Killed the World. The wolves left me shaking me head. Hell, was half expecting Chaka to make an appearance any second.....Now that's an obscure pop reference!.....;)
Great work on a fun, though furiously flawed, film.......Cheers to Manchester United!
2 - Bob A. Booey
Get a room, funboys.
Duke, I don't think you've said anything interesting. I find your writing interesting because it's energetic but you really don't say much. I'm not sure how you manage that. I expect something each time I read one of your posts because you're enthusiastic, but you're decidely uncontroversial.
The one thing you said that I thought about was the Jake Gyllenhall casting. I do think he was cast wrong, but I'm not sure if I think he looks too old for the part. Dennis Quaid is too good for this movie, but his career isn't. Emmerich really went out of his way to create the most token, pandering, paint-by-numbers minority characters possible in this film as well.
I'm convinced that Emmerich is profoundly childish. I mean, who writes stories like these? To his credit and to his detriment, his childish appreciation of "boom boom smash" and wild apocalyptic heroism is simply unwilling to yield to adult logic.
I think one interesting political aspect of the movie is that it reverses the immigrant/invasion subtext to Independence Day. A few critics back then remarked that the lines about "they go from planet to planet, sucking away the resources, leaving nothing" combined with the imagery of America fighting back against its most sacred traditions (like the White House) being destroyed was a metaphor for illegal immigration. In The Day After Tomorrow, Emmerich's convoluted politics seem to reverse that subtext on immigration. This is definitely a more "Left" film if you want to read politics into it.
I do, however, think that the end of the movie is a huge cop-out. The astronauts on space remark how they've never seen the atmosphere so clear, and all the happy survivors (including the token black homeless guy and his zany dog) go on to a happy ending. This really blunts the film's political and ethical voice because it absolves the viewer of ALL responsibility for global warming. The movie never really discusses the reasons for global warming (fossil fuel emissions, corporate pollution) to begin with -- it just sort of HAPPENS to us. We get our moment of contrition from the Cheney stand-in (what an absurd, childish fantasy that is) and the world is right again. This takes away any viewer's individual responsibility for global warming and lets us forget all about the serious problem of the environment. The end of Emmerich's movie makes sure that we forget all about the movie and the issue. It becomes just another empty piece of Hollywood summer popcorn crap that we can drive away from in our big, polluting SUVs while talking about how cool the special effects were. An Ice Age isn't survivable or happy. Obla di obla da, life doesn't go on. Yet we're somehow satisfied with the ending and our own consumption and pollution practices. Pussies. What a pussy film.
Oh, and you can't have a friggin tornado in Los Angeles. It's coastal. Retards. Try hurricane.
Someone needs to make a real film about the environment for once.
That is all.
3 - Bob A. Booey
Let me add lest there be any confusion:
This is an awful, awful film and Emmerich is a terrible, terrible director. So perhaps it's silly to expect that his movie would have the ability to move anyone to care about the environment and change their practices.
4 - Chris Kent
Thanks BABs for essentially saying what everyone in this room has been saying for weeks......only in more creative and concise terms than you were able to muster.....;)
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Bob, thank you for the comments. You're right, man, most times i say absoloutely nothing. You've just gone ahead and given a great analysis of this here film, and kudos to you. I happen to agree with most everything you said (some critics have also saw Signs as being on some level anti-immigration). The thing is, i try to write these things as entertaining as i can. The nicest thing for me is when someone says "oh, i couldn't care less about this, but that was fun". I try to make it that even if a film is decidedly dull or something folks couldn't care less about, that they still might get a laugh or pick something up. There's a lot of political specualtion to be done regarding not just this, but Emmerichs entire hollywood career, but i didn't feel like this was the time for me to do it. Maybe i should have, who knows? The bottom line is that i try to be entertaining, and if i feel like a point is worth making, i go for it, like in my reviews of the two aileen wuornos films by Nick Broomfield. You are perfectly right to say that theres no controversy here, but theres plenty of critiques on this very site about this very film, which explore some of the ideas you mentioned, and also do it incredibly well. I guess on films like this, were there is an abundance of commentrary already easily-accesible, i tend to be even-more "daft" in my approach than when something is maybe a little less high-profile.
I do thank you a lot for the comments, and for the compliment about The Duke's enthusiasm, which i would say is very accurate on your part. Congratulations.
And Chris, i missed you, friend. Good to have your zany self back.
6 - Chris Kent
Thank you El Senor Duke,
Was on vacation with my girlfriend.....Hope to put together some posts this week. Keep up the great work.
7 - el mexicano
theres just one thing i agree with completely, and its that El Duque writes for fun and fun is a very relevant thing for anyone, anywhere. of course, social commentary and so on is as important, but fun, ahhh, thats something we must strive for, man.
espero que sigas escribiendo, felicidades
8 - Mark Sahm
Yet another facet of Blogcritics is that occasionally the comments reveal an older post that has redeeming qualities in later weeks, even years.
This was a funny read, Duke. Thanks.
9 - DJRadiohead
I agree with Sahm. Good read. Bad film.
10 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
el mexicano, mark an DJ, thank you. but my GOD i cannot hope to express in anythin as vulgar as words how much i'm cringin right now. cringin myself in five, i dare say.
11 - Mark Sahm
Careful Duke, I've heard that too much cringing can cause premature metamorphosis into werewolvian or similar earth bound critter.
12 - Bennett
Early Duke? I thought "it was all of 18 months ago, how crass, how juvinile..." but then it snared me. Great man, funny as hell.
I remember this movie well and no, I'll never see it again.
Salut!