The Five Scariest Films What You Ever Did See
Some of you may know a thing or two about The Duke's viewing habits, and that he is very fond of the old documentaries and also the comedy what makes you laugh. But there's another genre what gets him all uppity in the excitement department, and that genre is not pornography, as you might assume, but is in fact the horrors.
What The Duke likes in the horrors depends on what Guru Of Filmic Affairs has been pointing the cameras. For example, if The Duke goes to see a Hideo Nakata flick like The Ringu, he expects a fair amount of the chills, or possibly even the thrills, but especially the former, the former being the chills.
I wouldn't expect the mother in Dark Water to rip a man's guts out and throw them across a field. I would be upset if she did, because, in most cases, the gore interferes with the chills as far as the horrors are concerned.
Similarly, if The Duke went to see an early-period Peter Jackson, like Bad Taste or Braindead (Recipient of the Mondo Irlando Lifetime Achievement Award With Regards Lawnmowers), The Duke wants gore aplenty, and has no time for someone trying to shout BOO at him, thus getting in the way of the jokes and the innards.
So this right here is not a list of the goriest of the horrors, or the funniest of the horrors, or even necessarily the best of the horrors. This is the scariest of the horrors, films which even a diehard mercenary with a chip on his shoulder like The Duke can be sent running under the sheets in fear of, like a Santa Claus that not only arrives on Christmas Eve, but a couple nights a week, and threatens to beat The Duke asunder if he don't accommodate his reindeers.
These are the five scariest horrors what The Duke ever did see, and they are presented in no particular order.
GHOSTWATCH (1992)
Back in the day, the BBC decided the thing to do was to show something scary on Halloween night. They spent hours considering what they could show. Some suggested Halloween, still others suggested Halloween Part 2 - Holy Shit, She Was His Sister, but eventually one of these executives decided to show something what they just pulled out of their arse.
Article comments
1 - Jim Carruthers
The scariest movie I've ever seen is "The Rapture" (great soundtrack too) since it is open to interpretation, neither good - either the world will end just like in Revelations or the heroine went nuts and murdered her daughter.
There is also "Werewolves on Wheels" -- bikers, Satanists and werewolves, but what I really remember are the bare-breasted biker chicks, but maybe first seeing it at 14 has a lot to do with that.
2 - sheri
Good list Duke. I never see any mention of The Legend of Hellhouse.It frightened me much the first time what I ever did saw it.Something like that. :0)
3 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Argh, i meant to mention Hell House, Sheri. It was due to go into the Honorable Mentions bit, on account of it was very scary for 3/4's of its running time, but suffered Ridiculous Conclusion Syndrome. As to Jim's comments, where has Werewolves On Wheels been all my life? It sounds like the best film what ever has been made by any motherfucker. I must investigate. Oh, and Sheri, Kudos on the grammar ;)
4 - HW Saxton Jr.
Duke,You mentioned the Wes Craven movie:
"The Mountains With Eyes". This flick is
actually called "The Hills Have Eyes".
"Werewolves On Wheels" = Just Horrible.
You don't get a peek at the "Werewolf" in question until the very end of the flick. Very 1950's.The dialogue is worse
than an Ed Wood movie but it isn't half
as entertaining.
One of the scariest movies I have ever seen is "Martin" by George Romero. This
is a modern day vampire (at least the psycho kid namesake of the movie thinks he is anyway)flick.Real low key and real
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEPY.The second creepiest
movie would have to be this one here:
"Perfect" w/John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis.Travolta spends most all of his
on screen time running around in a spandex unitard.Guaranteed puke fest.
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Stupid, stupid Duke. Apologies to Wes Craven, and i only hope he will be consoled by my love of The House At The End Of The Street, Just To The Left. Martin is one of those especially quirky early-Romero numbers, and its a shame it doesnt get more acclaim. Good for you, HW, for redressing the balance. I also like Romero's The Crazies from the same period. Good stuff all round. His films of this period kind of remind me of early Cronenberg, especially Rabid and Shivers.
6 - Jim Carruthers
One really scary movie has recently been issued on DVD. "Seconds" stars Rock Hudson, and Wil Geer as the anti-grampa.
A businessman having a late-life crisis goes to a firm which gives him a whole new identity as Rock Hudson, but there is a terrible secret, and it doesn't involve Doris Day (or Gomer Pyle).
And all I really remember from "Werewolves On Wheels" was the naked biker hippy chicks, really if you're 14 and you have to choose between boobies and werewolves, the werewolves would be dead last. G'wan do a poll of adolescent boys, if you need to, which do they prefer, boobies or werewolves?
7 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Cant we reach a compromise? What about Lyncanthropic nipples? No?
8 - Chris Kent
As usual, excellent Duke. Cannot argue with selections except Jeepers Creepers. Just wasn't my cup of tea, though was glad the whining kid eventually got his just do......
Sheri, love Legend of Hell House! The Richard Matheson novel it is based on is equally good.
Bought the ghost flick Woman in Black a few months ago and am still scared to watch it a second time. Someone please check it out!
Glad to see The Exorcist, The Haunting and Halloween mentioned. I will throw in a few others for digestion:
Blair Witch Project - really gave me the creeps.
The Changeling - that damn rubber ball!
Wicker Man - get off that damn island you fool!
9 - HW Saxton Jr.
Duke,You did mean the Wes Craven movie
"Last House On The Left", didn't you???
10 - Chris Kent
HW, he did.
Duke enjoys twisting a few names around now and then. He has his own skewed way of seeing things.....
11 - Jim Carruthers
It's like 668 Neighbour of the Beast.
And while I think about it, when will Mary-Kate and Ashley star in a really good horror movie?
(Geez, I really should start on that script, but it's a bad idea to write scripts based on actors).
12 - Jonathan
I can't believe you didn't put Gigli on this list.
13 - Jim Carruthers
Haven't seen it, but I think "Gigli" is classified as an abomination rather than horror.
14 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Thanks all! Chris, nice to hear from your good self. Blair Witch is one of the best horrors of recent times, as far as The Duke is concerned, and i was debating wether or not to include it. Thing is, whilst i love it to freshly carved pieces, i just didnt think it was that scary. I think it somehow had the completely opossite effect on me, the whole realism. It was so realistic that i was constantly thinking, "wow, this is really realistic", thus completely distancing myself from the events. or something. Incidently, the doc that was made in conjunction with the flick, Curse Of The Blair Witch i believe, was brilliant. I haven't saw The Changeling, but have been meaning to do so for some time. That wheelchair on the cover just looks evil. The Wicker Man is great, but i can't remember being scared. It is unutterably brilliant tho, and Chris Lee says its the best film he's ever been in, even though he was in a Jesus Franco film.
Gigli. Thats a tough one. I think under the laws stated in the EU Guide On Horror Malarky, anything with Ben Affleck is immediately disqualified, which is why Phantoms isn't on the list, or, indeed, The Return Of Silent Jay And His Buddy Bob, which had truly terrifying bouts of self indulgence.
15 - Jim Carruthers
Oh, you disrespect "Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back"? That is, just, I barely have the words, so like watching Fox.
They have a word for you on "Deadwood". And it is similar to rooster and negative ventilation.
16 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
(shocked gasp) Are you calling me a goose inhaler? Well i have never been so motherfucking insulted.
I actually like The Adventures Of Silent Jay And His Pal Bob Part 5, but one must admit it does ascend to some new, hitherto unhinted at, plateau of self-indulgance. Which is part of its charm, i suposse.
Good for you, Silent Jay
17 - Jim Carruthers
Look, you don't want me hooking up Rufus, the 13th apostle and his booty call the Scottish Sistah McDiva to get all identity on your ass. So lay off Jay and Silent Bob.
After all, they did a cameo in "Scream 3".
And the "tiger face" scene was really funny.
18 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heh. I'd forgotten about their appearance in The Scream Part 3. As for Rufus, he lost all cred when he became president. Incidently, have you read Kevin Smith's comics? (IE Graphic Novels for us grown up types, since they have fuckwords and all) The Clerks one in particular is highly reccomended by The Duke.
19 - Jim Carruthers
The best part about "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" was that it was bridged by four comic books which explained what Jay and Silent Bob were doing between "Chasing Amy" and "Dogma" -- making porn with Doogie Howser and faster than Walt Flannigan's dog.
Hot monkey love and a happy finish.
20 - ivortengine
i dont know dudes, Amityville Horror 2 is very scary, be careful......
21 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
ivor, i'd forgotten all about this list. thank you for bringing it back to the duke's attention. it really is quite entertaining. good work, the duke.
Amytiville 2 is actually one of my favourite flicks. That right there is a seriously underrated number.
22 - Eric Olsen
Duker, if you haven't done so, check out Dawn's scary movie list and the verdant verbiage that follows it
Last Halloween we had any number of scary movie reviews and lists - you can find them through the master post here
I'm sure we'll do more this year - time to start gearing up!
23 - Toto
Nice list.
Check out my list, too.
24 - Duke De Mondo
thank you Toto, and a fine list on your own site, there. i meant to do an update type carry-on for this in time for The Upcoming Halloween And So On, but wouldn't you know it, i didn't get a chance. still, amazingly, i stick by this list, except i'd probably have flung The Descent in there and kicked The Eye to the Honourable Mentions. And also, i'd have had an honourable mention for the bit in 3 Men And A Baby when the "ghost" appears, on account of it scared me shitless as a youngster.