Goldblum couldn't have known that a fly would get in there, and that he'd be joined at the molecules with the filthy shit-eating insect. Also, he had even less of an idea that sitting at the back of the hall was a young fella out of his face on the amphetamine, racing around the aisles in hyper-motion, poking at rotten boils on his face.
The last thing Goldblum would've done, had he known, would be get angry at how he's gone and turned himself into a fly beast, and then fling the pod across the auditorium, hitting the speed-riddled fella and causing the metal to merge with his demented being.
The crowd gasp as Tetsuo does Brundlefly up the hole with a metal dildo. They cheer as Brundlefly looks like he isn't gonna be able to finish that Super Sized Meal, and then it's ok, he just pukes over it and sucks it up through a straw. Morgan Spurlock takes notes.
Hilarity ensues.
Kevin Bacon in Sleepers Versus Kevin Bacon In The Woodsman
Following the shameful revelations that Kevin Bacon In Sleepers has been taking advantage of young boys via his guard position at a juvenile offenders institution, he leaves his job and heads off to find work in a proper penitentiary.
By way of fantastic coincidence, Kevin Bacon In The Woodsman has just been arrested for similar antics, and has been sent along to the very prison in which Kevin Bacon In Sleepers has found work.
Before anyone knows what the hell's going on, Kevin Bacon In The Woodsman has beaten Kevin Bacon In Sleepers unconscious, on account of he sees himself in the foul-mouthed attendant, and doesn't like it one bit.
Hilarity ensues.
Ju-On VS Ringu
Sam Raimi was just an average kid, is all. Sure, he hung out with Kirsten Dunst, he made films about Bruce Campbell's hand runs around the place, but he was just like you or me, or those folks over there.
When a friend lends him this great Japanese horror flick, he can't wait to check it out, and runs home that he might put it in the old VCR.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Aaman
Brilliant stuff, Duke - I especially like Ju-On VS Ringu
2 - Jim Carruthers
Oh, you filthy little bastard! You made me shoot painful carbonated bevvies out my nose with "The Creature from the Blue Lagoon".
3 - Mark Saleski
what's weird is that up until this morning (when i finally listened to the duke's phone call thingy) my mind heard the duke's voice as a southern (united states, that is) kinda thing.
now it's all changed.
and even funnier.
the duke needs a radio show.
4 - Aaman
The BC Podcast cries out to be commenced:)
5 - Jim Carruthers
"Sid and Nancy and Jay and Silent Bob's Empire Strikes Back"
Well, at least the merchandising is taken care of.
Hilarity ensues
"Breakfast Fight Club"
John Hughes regrets producing a movie directed by David Fincher from a screen-play by Abel Ferrera. Starring Harvey Keitel, Lili Taylor, Christopher Walken and Ally Sheedy .
Hilarity ensues.
6 - Aaman
More! More!
7 - Jim Carruthers
David Cronenburg's "Teletubbies vs. Andrea True: The Movie"
The critics rave: "More! More!" - Aaman
Hilarity ensues.
8 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
hey guys. Mark, you don't wanna go making silly sugestions like that, i'd wager. it's all fun and games till the duke starts thinking "hmmm, maybe what i'll do is some more of those things"...
jim - The Breakfast Fight Club!!!! BRILLIANT!! Im gutted i didn't think of that!!! Although, i did start working on a sequel to this post as soon as i put it up, so many great ideas are there.
personally, i was proudest of 8 1/2 mile.
and mark, again, seriously, i have been toying a lot with the notion of a radio thingy every fortnight or so, say twenty minutes of music and swearing. who knows...
The Breakfast Fight Club. hahahah
One i had intended for the follow-up
La Bambi
A young deer is so upset by the death of his mother he heads off to the city for to make it big in the latin pop scene.
Hilarity ensues.
9 - Jim Carruthers
"From Dusk to Dawn to Sunset Boulevard"
Juliette Lewis tries to use her contacts with George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino to maintain her career, and assassinates any motherfucker who gets in her way, Honey Bunny.
Hilarity ensues.
10 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"before sunset boulevard"
Ethan Hawke is making his way across hollywood by train when he bumps into a silent movie star who's been on the skids since things went all "talkie". They chat about god and Griffith.
Hilarity ensues.
11 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"The Hills Have Eyes Without A Face"
A french doctor attempts to reconstruct the face of his disfigured daughter using the flesh of murderous hillbillies.
Hilarity ensues.
12 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"Public Enemy Of The State"
Will Smith tells Jazzy Jeff to go fuck himself and hooks up with Chuck D for to make a hip-hop concept record about Fuck Tha Man.
Hilarity Ensues.
13 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"The Paris, Texas Chain Saw Massacre"
Harry Dean Stanton tries to recover his memory, discovering that he once killed a buncha teenagers in his folks house.
Hilarity ensues.
14 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"Night Of The Living Dead Man"
A buncha folks are trapped in a farmhouse by reams of cowboy poets wanting to yack about love. In black and white.
Hilarity ensues.
15 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"Suicide Circle Of Friends"
Minnie Driver and friends decide to throw themselves off of buildings in downtown tokyo.
Hilarity ensues.
16 - Jim Carruthers
"Apocalyse Now That's What I Call Entertainment!"
Dead celebrities tour Vietnam, all singing, all dancing, they just hope they don't bomb. With your hosts, Bob Hope and Robert MacNamara.
17 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
hahahahahhah
18 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
that was fucking inspired, man.
19 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"Vanilla Ice Sky"
Vanilla Ice stars as a hip-hop type who is brutally disfigured after being flung out a window by Suge Knight, allegedly.
Hilarity ensues
20 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"Some Kind Of Little Monsters"
Fred Savage discovers a buncha rock stars living under his bed.
Hilarity Ensues
21 - Jim Carruthers
"Life Is Sweet Charity"
Mike Leigh's musical about the working class and prostitution, with every tune beginning on the downbeat.
And the misery is really miserable. However ...
Hilarity Ensues!!!
22 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"Taxi Driving Mrs Daisy"
Robert De Niro tries to save Jessica Tandy from her pimp.
Hilarity Ensues.
23 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"American Pi"
Jason Biggs tries to uncover the mathematical secret behind the stock exchange in between fucking pastry.
Hilarity ensues.
24 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"A Town Called Dirty Ol' Bastard"
A buncha Wu Tang Clan members wander into town and lay down the lay, in the wild wild westside.
Hilarity Ensues.
25 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"My Bez Friend's Wedding"
Julia Roberts attends Shaun Ryders wedding, getting cracked to the teeth with bez.
hilarity ensues.