We all know how fantastic Freddy Vs Jason was, and we all know how unspeakably cack Aliens Vs Predator was, but let's be honest here. If it boils down to it, which it inevitably will sooner or later, what we really wanna be seeing is this sorta shit right here;
The Duke Presents;
FACE-OFF'S I WANNA BE SEEING, MOTHERFUCKERS
Old Boy Versus Begbie
Dae-Su Oh has been locked up for fifteen years, with no idea why, or who might even be behind it all. One thing's for sure, it wasn't Begbie, since he was all the way over in Scotland kickin fuck outtae schemers and the like.
Still, Begbie's gonna pretend it was him anyway, since ain't no way in hell little matters like The Truth or Geography are gonna keep him from getting all Dali with a claw-hammer.
"Right, ye cunt, hear yir lookin fir the cunt locked ye up? Here ah am, then, eh? Fuckin gies us it, then, eh?"
Ichi The Killer Versus Violent Cop
Beat Takeshi's had a rough day, man, no doubt about it. He's been round the whole motherfucking block up and down, and slapped a couple teenagers for giving him shit, but he's no closer to finding out who's been running around ripping the guts out of Yakuza all the live-long day.
Then, just as he's about to slap this quivering masturbation-obsessed teenager, the whining little shit jumps the hell into the air and starts kicking the sweet home Alabama's outta Beat with boots that have blades on the end.
You shouldn't a touched those Bright Eyes albums, Beat Takeshi. Now what's gonna happen is Ichi The Killer is gonna kill you upside the teeth, you fucking rogue copper.
Tetsuo Versus Brundlefly
A science demonstration in downtown Tokyo leads to unbridled orgasmic destruction when Jeff Goldblum decides to let the world in on his new invention, a pod thing that makes him go from here to way over there without even walking. And naked, too.