But then I lost interest. It was all fairly dull, if truth be told, unless you liked the costumes and the fireworks. Being raised in Northern Ireland, though, costumes and fireworks weren't that big a novelty to be honest, and the violence was too obviously fake to hold any lasting interest.
Holy shit, though. I've been missing out like a motherfucker.
It turns out this whole Wrestling tomfoolery has got mighty interesting in the intervening decade or so. Nowadays, the videos released of Royal Rumble In The Bronx or Wrestle Dementia IX are rated 18, and are filled with teeth being knocked out of gums and breasts being exposed with little or no regard for social etiquette.
Thank Zeus, then, that this Documentarian by the name of Barry Blaustein went ahead and made a film by the name of Beyond The Mat, which is filled to the gills with chairs slapping off heads and folks saying "motherfucker" and spitting on people's faces.
You'd think that Vince McMahon fella would be all the happy in the world that this Beyond The Mat was made, what with it being a motherfucking masterpiece and all, and how it's filled with the bleeding and the screaming and all that carry-on. You'd be wrong though, if that's what you thought. I mean, if you thought Vince McMahon was pleased. That's the bit you'd be wrong about.
McMahon offered to buy the film on many occasions. He was refused repeatedly. It seems, however, that old Vince isn't a man who is used to refusal. I dunno, maybe he was dumped by some girl in high school who broke his heart and Sandy, Baby, I Sit, I Wonder Why-Ie-Ie, and he ain't never gonna let no stone-cold harpy get the better of him ever again. Maybe something like that happened, cause he made sure no-one would ever say no to his demands ever again. Unless the demand was "Say "no" motherfucker!" In any other circumstances, he would be surrounded by yes men, some of whom had no front teeth on account of being smacked in the jaw with barbed wire.
Thing is, this Beyond The Mat affair hasn't got very much of a negative tone about it. What it does that seemed so damn villainous to McMahon, apart from not being owned by him and all, is that it shows these wrestling individuals to be real people. Y'know, people with families, and hopes, and career ambitions, and maybe a crack-habit or two.
Article comments
1 - Ricky Vandal
Let's make one thing clear, Buster, there is only one Duke. OK. I thought this segment was about John Wayne. It isn't. You should be ashamed of yourself.
2 - Stately Wayne Manor
RV, You must've forgot about The Duke Of Earl...
3 - Eric Olsen
And Duke Kahanamoku
4 - Stately Wayne Manor
Kahanamoku was the surfing champ,right?
5 - Eric Olsen
right, haole
6 - HW Saxton Jr.
Haole??? OUCH!
7 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
What about the grand ol duke of york, man, he marched ten thousand motherfuckers up a hill and then marched them straight back down again. Doesn't that count for somethin? Certainly more than John Wayne ever done, apart from, y'know, be all right-wing and call folks "hippy faggots" and so on.
8 - Jim Carruthers
Well, there's also Raoul Duke and Duke Nukem, but je digress.
How could you not mention "Barton Fink", all he had to do was write a wrasslin' movie, but no, wound up with a John Goodman on a rampage and possibly a head in a box.
And of course, there is also "Ready to Rumble" which improbably stars Oliver Platt as a wrestler.
9 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Jim, obviously if The Duke were to do an article with regards the wrestle films, then Baton Finks About Wrestling would be in there. And Man On The Moon, where Jim Carrey starred as Charlie Kaufman or something. Good for you Jim.
Wrestling films don't get no better than No Holds Barred though, according to the decree of wrestelised pictures of 1897. Hulk Hogan didn't have no truck with the "acting" or the "humanity", brother, hell no. Hulk gon' beat up a big bald fella for a couple hours, is what, brother!