Any the hell how.
Soon as the adverts appeared onscreen, I knew this was to be a glorious occasion.
A sense of community was being instilled in us from the motherfucking get-go is the facts of the truth of it all, every advert being about some event that was bringing all sortsa disparate people together. There was the beer one with the Franz Ferdinand performance. There was the one with folks going to work on giant space-hoppers, which I wished to the heavens would be an advert for giant space-hoppers, but no, turns out it was about phones or something. Over and over, loads of people in these adverts find themselves as part of something greater, and smiles are passed to folks the smilee ain't ever seen, and smiles returned. I figured I should look round and smile at the really rather attractive lady sat behind me, but no doubt her partner would interpret this as something other than a flicker of solidarity amidst this space-hopping adventure, and so I figured no, fuck it.
Still, I looked at her arse when she went for a piss a little bit later.
Even before the adverts, though, I knew this was to be a special moment in the lives of every human being sat in this cinema.
How the fuck couldn't it be, when, with the black screen still looming up ahead like the big diamond thing hanging over the labyrinths of Hell in Hellbound - Hellraiser 2, our ears pricked up as one, a whole roomful of pointy-up ears, as nothing less than the theme-tune to Bucky O'Hare blared from out the speakers.
"Holy Shit", I hollered, "It's Bucky O' Hare!"
Nobody paid any heed. Fuck that maniac yackin on about the space-rabbits, they maybe thought. Fuck his O'Hare talk, fuck its hole.
But I took it as an omen of great things to come. Vast, unimaginable happenings would happen.
The trailers for War Of The Worlds and the new Batman only increased my enthusiasm, until I thought I might pass the fuck out, like the time I had a panic attack during my fourth cinema viewing of Attack Of The Clones.
"Call a damn doctor, the fella in screen 3's having himself some kind of demented fit of some kind. Sweet Jesus, he's purple!"
I was in screen 2. They didn't give two fucks for The Duke.
Episode V - Attack Of The Very, Very Mild Spoilers
There are plenty thrills a man can get in a picture-cinema, plenty of ways for to inspire the head-sauce to bubble its way out the cracks tween grinding teeth. Maybe he takes a sip of his actually really rather reasonably priced beverage, and finds that holy fuck, he's just had a throatful of pure ether. Maybe he accidentally takes a handkerchief from the pocket of the person sitting next to him, instead of his own pocket, and finds that he's wiping his nose with a tissue soaked in poppers set to have the eyes boiling in his head in 20, 30 seconds time. Maybe he even receives a hand-job during a screening of Shrek.
Article comments
1 - Bennett
Stunned silence, like at the end of a great Cyrano.
"Skinny arsehole I see. Bumping around, it is. Not long it took."
:-]
Thanks, for all of it, Duke.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heh, thanks Bennet. god, this is very long-winded.
3 - Bennett
Yeah, you really let the fingers fly, hell, they damn near migrated south!
Did you catch my post on Simple Tasteful Nudes? I ask because, even in your abruptly single state of mind, a bit more torture won't kill you.
A gal they had up three days ago damn near broke my heart, so pretty she was.
Enjoy!
4 - Eric Olsen
Duker, a novel in "review" form, a walk through our very civilization at the near-beginning of the 21st century; a series of guffaws, chortles, belly-laughs, and snickers, interspersed a with slight welling of moisture in empathy with the profound sadness and death-grief without the satisfaction of death to support it.
I swear to God you will get over this woman, and she never appreciated you anyway.
I think I WILL go see the flick this weekend.
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
EO, thank you. I'm glad you dug it. I was a bit unsure about posting it to be honest, it is really very long-winded and self-absorbed.
And you MUST go see it this weekend. Society would stand for nothing less, i'd wager.
And Bennett, i can scarsely thank you enough for alerting me to said post. Excellently written, it was, too. And obviously welcome in these trying times...
6 - Mark Saleski
i will balance out society by not seeing this movie this weekend.
or ever.
oh, and duke, we count on you to be long-winded and self-absorbed.
7 - Mat
My lord, Duke, the length. The Length!
I've had sex in less time than it took me to read that.
I've read Tolstoy in less time.
Ok, so there were a good number of chuckles, a lot of big smiles, and a couple of hearty guffaws too.
Truth be known I just skimmed the cliff notes on Tolstoy. And I've had sex in less time than it takes to read a haiku.
8 - Eric Berlin
Duke, I've been holding off on reading this sure masterpiece as I've not yet seen the latest S Wars. I actually sat through the entirety of Attack of the Clones on network TV, no less, in prep... but it looks like it will be at least several days.
Anyway, just glancing through the comments makes me want to see the damned thing so I can get to the main course right here at the old BC stomping grounds...
9 - Temple Stark
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