"I did piss, man! It's the pressure! Risen fuckin' Lazarus, it's the pressure of it all!!"
Sometimes during this the only thing you can do to take your mind off the horror is raise your arms and do a comedy dance for the privilege of the folks sat at home watching the charade on some bootleg CAM-TS version of the flick. Maybe you even got a wee routine about Vietnamese Mosh Pits or wanking.
Maybe you might get noticed by some high-flying talent scout who ended up with this on account of a maliciously uploaded file purporting to be War Of The Worlds 2005.
Any the fuck way, when the fella with the torch leads me to the seat (B-O1, I believe, which subtly hints that maybe one of your overweight comedy Star Wars fans should be sat there, and also, I just realized, is almost O-B1, which would've been much better, given the circumstances), I find it is indeed the last one on the row, but, as luck would have it, the seat is next to the bastard wall.
So, in conclusion, I couldn't have picked a seat on this row further from the aisle unless I got all Woody Allen in Zelig and sat my arsehole up vertically on the fucking paint.
Still, fuck it. I had a couple pisses a while back. More important is who has the seats next to me? A couple parents and their children? One parent and his / her children? One vagrant and a couple children he helped get in since it was 12a? A romantic couple of some kind, who'll keep looking over and thinking about "Hmm. Not really surprised he's sat on his own, to be honest."
Or, sweet God, my ex and her new fella? How wretched a scene this would be.
No way they'd be here, though, tonight of all nights.
And yet what better night for a date-flick than Friday? And what better date-flick than a film about the dehumanizing voyage of degradation endured by a young fella with hope in his eyes and a couple sprogs on the way?
Before long, it stood to reason that it could ONLY be my ex and her fella who had booked these seats. It all made sense. They'd come in, there'd be an awkward smile and then I'd be subjected to all manner of soul-scarring slurping, or worse, and all throughout this virgin airing of Revenge Of The Sith. I was about to demand a change of seat, but then three fellas sat down. I'm fairly sure none of them was my ex, but who knows? In this light, and with a fellas thoughts driving him all shadesa psychedelic, Trotsky himself could sit his arse down to my right and I wouldn't notice for a second.
Article comments
1 - Bennett
Stunned silence, like at the end of a great Cyrano.
"Skinny arsehole I see. Bumping around, it is. Not long it took."
:-]
Thanks, for all of it, Duke.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heh, thanks Bennet. god, this is very long-winded.
3 - Bennett
Yeah, you really let the fingers fly, hell, they damn near migrated south!
Did you catch my post on Simple Tasteful Nudes? I ask because, even in your abruptly single state of mind, a bit more torture won't kill you.
A gal they had up three days ago damn near broke my heart, so pretty she was.
Enjoy!
4 - Eric Olsen
Duker, a novel in "review" form, a walk through our very civilization at the near-beginning of the 21st century; a series of guffaws, chortles, belly-laughs, and snickers, interspersed a with slight welling of moisture in empathy with the profound sadness and death-grief without the satisfaction of death to support it.
I swear to God you will get over this woman, and she never appreciated you anyway.
I think I WILL go see the flick this weekend.
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
EO, thank you. I'm glad you dug it. I was a bit unsure about posting it to be honest, it is really very long-winded and self-absorbed.
And you MUST go see it this weekend. Society would stand for nothing less, i'd wager.
And Bennett, i can scarsely thank you enough for alerting me to said post. Excellently written, it was, too. And obviously welcome in these trying times...
6 - Mark Saleski
i will balance out society by not seeing this movie this weekend.
or ever.
oh, and duke, we count on you to be long-winded and self-absorbed.
7 - Mat
My lord, Duke, the length. The Length!
I've had sex in less time than it took me to read that.
I've read Tolstoy in less time.
Ok, so there were a good number of chuckles, a lot of big smiles, and a couple of hearty guffaws too.
Truth be known I just skimmed the cliff notes on Tolstoy. And I've had sex in less time than it takes to read a haiku.
8 - Eric Berlin
Duke, I've been holding off on reading this sure masterpiece as I've not yet seen the latest S Wars. I actually sat through the entirety of Attack of the Clones on network TV, no less, in prep... but it looks like it will be at least several days.
Anyway, just glancing through the comments makes me want to see the damned thing so I can get to the main course right here at the old BC stomping grounds...
9 - Temple Stark
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