"Get the fuck off my forehead", you find yourself having to holler. "He's turning, sweet Jesus, he's turning, and there's a ten-year-old with Satan in his smile tearing my motherfucking eyes out!"
But anyway, owing to a buncha balls, I ended up seeing Star Wars Episode III for the first time on just such a Friday evening, almost two days after it had gone on general release. The fuck kinda voodoo leads to this sorta bullshit, you're thinking? All sortsa voodoo, to be related via a hotly debated prequel trilogy of some kind.
But no matter.
I was at least a day behind The Schedule, but fuck it, the mood's good, a fella got a reasonable night's kip, and I gotta say, I could feel the good-will seeping through my every fuck-gland in that damn cinema, that's for sure.
Most of the seats were booked well in advance, but being something of a Rebel Without A Pause Motherfucker, I decided to take a chance on just walkin in and demanding a damn seat right the fuck now, in exchange for a couple quid flung at your tyrannical teeth.
Now here's a horror story for to have you screaming yourself blind and nauseous every night of the week from now till doomsday;
I picked what folks in the business might call "an aisle seat", because let's face it, no matter how many jars a piss a man forces out his bladder prior to the screening, there's always gonna be that niggling thought about "Did I do enough pissin? Should I have gone through the thirty minutes of adverts? Maybe I should go during this advert right here, just to be sure. What if I go through an advert and it turns out it was the last one, though? I'd miss the motherfucking opening scrawl. Screw that upside the ball-holes."
A fella's prone to doin' so much thinking about pissing, in fact, that next thing he knows he has convinced himself he has to piss, and the last thing you want is to be stuck in the middle of a row stretching from here to Golgotha when it becomes apparent that "Sweet Sweetback, looks like I'm gonna have to go piss after all". Next thing a fella knows he's struggling to get past half a zillion sets of awkwardly raised knees and inconveniently placed cups a stuff, needing to think about that whole "arse or crotch" thing from Fight Club, needing to apologize ninety times over, "sorry, 'scuse me, sorry, cheers, sorry" till before you know it you've annoyed the fuck outta not just your row, but the three rows behind who had to contort their necks in all sortsa zany directions just to get a glimpse of the screen past the silhouette of a motherfucker couldn't piss before the picture started, and worse, takes half an hour to get to the damn aisle, stuttering and apologizing and causing no end a fucked-up disruption.
Article comments
1 - Bennett
Stunned silence, like at the end of a great Cyrano.
"Skinny arsehole I see. Bumping around, it is. Not long it took."
:-]
Thanks, for all of it, Duke.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heh, thanks Bennet. god, this is very long-winded.
3 - Bennett
Yeah, you really let the fingers fly, hell, they damn near migrated south!
Did you catch my post on Simple Tasteful Nudes? I ask because, even in your abruptly single state of mind, a bit more torture won't kill you.
A gal they had up three days ago damn near broke my heart, so pretty she was.
Enjoy!
4 - Eric Olsen
Duker, a novel in "review" form, a walk through our very civilization at the near-beginning of the 21st century; a series of guffaws, chortles, belly-laughs, and snickers, interspersed a with slight welling of moisture in empathy with the profound sadness and death-grief without the satisfaction of death to support it.
I swear to God you will get over this woman, and she never appreciated you anyway.
I think I WILL go see the flick this weekend.
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
EO, thank you. I'm glad you dug it. I was a bit unsure about posting it to be honest, it is really very long-winded and self-absorbed.
And you MUST go see it this weekend. Society would stand for nothing less, i'd wager.
And Bennett, i can scarsely thank you enough for alerting me to said post. Excellently written, it was, too. And obviously welcome in these trying times...
6 - Mark Saleski
i will balance out society by not seeing this movie this weekend.
or ever.
oh, and duke, we count on you to be long-winded and self-absorbed.
7 - Mat
My lord, Duke, the length. The Length!
I've had sex in less time than it took me to read that.
I've read Tolstoy in less time.
Ok, so there were a good number of chuckles, a lot of big smiles, and a couple of hearty guffaws too.
Truth be known I just skimmed the cliff notes on Tolstoy. And I've had sex in less time than it takes to read a haiku.
8 - Eric Berlin
Duke, I've been holding off on reading this sure masterpiece as I've not yet seen the latest S Wars. I actually sat through the entirety of Attack of the Clones on network TV, no less, in prep... but it looks like it will be at least several days.
Anyway, just glancing through the comments makes me want to see the damned thing so I can get to the main course right here at the old BC stomping grounds...
9 - Temple Stark
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