The Duke And Star Wars Episode III - An Epic Journey Of Some Kind - Page 12

I realized that, if I was to in any way aspire to becoming some sort of astronaut or linguist, I had no option but to proposition said lass from a couple sentences ago, a request along the lines of some shit about my local cinema closed, and the only way I can imagine I might ever see Episode III is if I see it in the cinema closest to you, and therefore, perhaps you might accompany a foul-mouthed motherfucker with Jabba in his dreams.

Of course there's cinemas much closer, but fuck them, they ain't nothing but bastard fronts, satanic meeting grounds masquerading as picture-nickelodeons.

But she couldn't.

What could I do but write a song about "Oh, I wanted her to go see Star Wars with me / She couldn't / I'm very blue / Navy, almost".

I sat for a while listening to Adam Green singing about Choke On A Cock, took a walk about the place, met up with a couple rent-boys needed me to man the gates whilst they went off on some sort of buggery and espionage mission of some sort.

And all the while thinkin' about cute noses.

They came back a couple hours later soaked in blood and semen. I didn't ask, they didn't tell. The night was young.

Episode II - Possible Addictions #114-118

Sometimes a man gets to thinking about maybe what he should be doing is devoting his life to some kind of free-form poetry read out in clubs the size of matchboxes, maybe some motherfucker beating a bongo by the bar, maybe the atmosphere coated in sickly sweet crack-smoke.

Surely this would make his sleeplessness and general paranoia and neurotic disposition all the more acceptable. Course I ain't slept in a week, I been coked to the balls on the speedy-ganjas.

How pathetic, this son of a bitch sat tossing and turning and no hint of sleep on the cards, and all because of something so slight and socially acceptable that he can't even remember what it was.

It's Wednesday. At midnight, Star Wars Episode III will grace every screen fit to hold it. Already there's been a buncha malcontents in London sitting through all five flicks thus far in preparation for Revenge Of The Sith.

Why aren't I out there, dressed like a Jedi and calling folks Padawans? Why? I'll tell you why, because I ain't slept in days and the thought of attempting to digest Star Wars Episode III in this state would've probably got a motherfucker killed in Stalinist Russia.

Continued on the next page Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11 — Page 12 — Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16

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  • 1 - Bennett

    May 23, 2005 at 5:07 pm

    Stunned silence, like at the end of a great Cyrano.

    "Skinny arsehole I see. Bumping around, it is. Not long it took."

    :-]

    Thanks, for all of it, Duke.

  • 2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    May 23, 2005 at 6:52 pm

    heh, thanks Bennet. god, this is very long-winded.

  • 3 - Bennett

    May 23, 2005 at 7:24 pm

    Yeah, you really let the fingers fly, hell, they damn near migrated south!

    Did you catch my post on Simple Tasteful Nudes? I ask because, even in your abruptly single state of mind, a bit more torture won't kill you.

    A gal they had up three days ago damn near broke my heart, so pretty she was.

    Enjoy!

  • 4 - Eric Olsen

    May 24, 2005 at 1:17 pm

    Duker, a novel in "review" form, a walk through our very civilization at the near-beginning of the 21st century; a series of guffaws, chortles, belly-laughs, and snickers, interspersed a with slight welling of moisture in empathy with the profound sadness and death-grief without the satisfaction of death to support it.

    I swear to God you will get over this woman, and she never appreciated you anyway.

    I think I WILL go see the flick this weekend.

  • 5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    May 24, 2005 at 2:11 pm

    EO, thank you. I'm glad you dug it. I was a bit unsure about posting it to be honest, it is really very long-winded and self-absorbed.

    And you MUST go see it this weekend. Society would stand for nothing less, i'd wager.

    And Bennett, i can scarsely thank you enough for alerting me to said post. Excellently written, it was, too. And obviously welcome in these trying times...

  • 6 - Mark Saleski

    May 24, 2005 at 2:23 pm

    i will balance out society by not seeing this movie this weekend.

    or ever.


    oh, and duke, we count on you to be long-winded and self-absorbed.

  • 7 - Mat

    May 25, 2005 at 3:46 am

    My lord, Duke, the length. The Length!

    I've had sex in less time than it took me to read that.

    I've read Tolstoy in less time.

    Ok, so there were a good number of chuckles, a lot of big smiles, and a couple of hearty guffaws too.

    Truth be known I just skimmed the cliff notes on Tolstoy. And I've had sex in less time than it takes to read a haiku.

  • 8 - Eric Berlin

    May 25, 2005 at 4:09 am

    Duke, I've been holding off on reading this sure masterpiece as I've not yet seen the latest S Wars. I actually sat through the entirety of Attack of the Clones on network TV, no less, in prep... but it looks like it will be at least several days.

    Anyway, just glancing through the comments makes me want to see the damned thing so I can get to the main course right here at the old BC stomping grounds...

  • 9 - Temple Stark

    May 31, 2005 at 12:45 am

    Blogcritics' editors liked this one. It's a pick of the week. Congrats. Put the news up proudly on your site.

    Here's a link to the rest of this week's picks

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