Some of them said truly outrageous nonsense like "It makes The Phantom Menace better", but I can't get behind that kinda talk for even half a second.
I'd sooner pay attention to the ravings of the drunken priest sat on my doorstep witling about The Apocalypse than I'd listen to a motherfucker trying to convince me of the worth of The Phantom Menace.
I sooner shit me all the Ewoks in Endor.
What's a man to do in light of all this crazy Star Wars tomfoolery, if not douse himself in caffeine and sit up till the morning light contemplating what the fuck's just gone on.
I had to think about a whole swirling array of Bantha bullshit. I had to think about how some folks didn't like Star Wars Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith one little ounce. There were plenty hostile reviews, folks yacking about the horrific dialogue, the wooden delivery, the suckiness sucking every suck-gland from a fellas suck-holes.
Outside the theater, for example, there were two fellas dressed up as Wookies fucking each other behind a skip. I distinctly heard talk of "It was awful. What was that shit about "Will to live?" That was some cack on my ears, that right there."
I think the other one was just yacking on about "Fuck me like a Gungan" or something.
What could I do but lay back on the kitchen floor with The Band singing Across The Great Divide, a couple Dali numbers stuck to the ceiling above me, the one with Lenin's arse held up by a crutch and the one about The Great Masturbator, and thinking thoughts along the lines of "I really dug it, man."
Fuck these critics, I found myself hissing, and then a second hiss more in tune with "No, they're entitled to their opinion, even if it's wrong."
But what if I'm wrong? What if holy shit, it's almost five in the morning, the song's long since moved on to an Outake Stereo-Mix of Get Up Jake, the Dali's have come unstuck and ended up all bent over and disgraced in the sink, and maybe there ain't even a glimmer of critical integrity left in my head for to make it all even a notch less degrading.
I'm thinking about White Noise, how I loved that flick, and yet it was undeniably a loada wank. Was Star Wars Episode III a loada wank that just happened to spray my face at the right time?
No. How many bouncy robot maniacs did White Noise have? About three, and they sucked in comparison to the Episode III variants.
Article comments
1 - Bennett
Stunned silence, like at the end of a great Cyrano.
"Skinny arsehole I see. Bumping around, it is. Not long it took."
:-]
Thanks, for all of it, Duke.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heh, thanks Bennet. god, this is very long-winded.
3 - Bennett
Yeah, you really let the fingers fly, hell, they damn near migrated south!
Did you catch my post on Simple Tasteful Nudes? I ask because, even in your abruptly single state of mind, a bit more torture won't kill you.
A gal they had up three days ago damn near broke my heart, so pretty she was.
Enjoy!
4 - Eric Olsen
Duker, a novel in "review" form, a walk through our very civilization at the near-beginning of the 21st century; a series of guffaws, chortles, belly-laughs, and snickers, interspersed a with slight welling of moisture in empathy with the profound sadness and death-grief without the satisfaction of death to support it.
I swear to God you will get over this woman, and she never appreciated you anyway.
I think I WILL go see the flick this weekend.
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
EO, thank you. I'm glad you dug it. I was a bit unsure about posting it to be honest, it is really very long-winded and self-absorbed.
And you MUST go see it this weekend. Society would stand for nothing less, i'd wager.
And Bennett, i can scarsely thank you enough for alerting me to said post. Excellently written, it was, too. And obviously welcome in these trying times...
6 - Mark Saleski
i will balance out society by not seeing this movie this weekend.
or ever.
oh, and duke, we count on you to be long-winded and self-absorbed.
7 - Mat
My lord, Duke, the length. The Length!
I've had sex in less time than it took me to read that.
I've read Tolstoy in less time.
Ok, so there were a good number of chuckles, a lot of big smiles, and a couple of hearty guffaws too.
Truth be known I just skimmed the cliff notes on Tolstoy. And I've had sex in less time than it takes to read a haiku.
8 - Eric Berlin
Duke, I've been holding off on reading this sure masterpiece as I've not yet seen the latest S Wars. I actually sat through the entirety of Attack of the Clones on network TV, no less, in prep... but it looks like it will be at least several days.
Anyway, just glancing through the comments makes me want to see the damned thing so I can get to the main course right here at the old BC stomping grounds...
9 - Temple Stark
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