2004 Oscar Diary
To start, a few ground rules: We will keep a running tally of how many awards Lord of the Rings wins; on my ballot, it's got nine.
Also, I will continue my long-running policy of not talking about what people wear, except for two exceptions: to point out females who look uncommonly hot, and to point out people of either gender who look laughably ridiculous.
And what's the over/under on Janet's boob jokes, and/or lesbian kiss jokes?
Here we go:
8:30: We start with Sean Connery. "Suck It, Trebek."
8:32: Time for the Billy Crystal-in-the-movies montage- he's a lot better at these than Steve Martin or Whoopi would've been. Billy as Golem, that's cute - and Weinsteins-as-Orcs, that's even better. Crystal dragging out his Sammy Davis, Jr. after two decades is enough to make me forgive the appearance by Michael Moore.
Still, it would've been nice if they'd gone with my idea of letting Bill Kristol host, or at least given him and Crystal a song-and-dance number together.
8:37: The musical monologue. Does Crystal look any different today than he did in City Slickers? LOTR had "11 nominations- one for each ending" - hah.
I don't know how Crystal resisted the urge to set the Mystic River song to "Moon River." And the Seabiscuit's-head-in-someone's-bed joke sort of wrote itself, didn't it?
8:48: The orchestra this evening is conducted by Marc Shaiman who wrote, among other songs, "Blame Canada," "Uncle Fucka," and "What Would Brian Boitano Do?"
8:49: Best Supporting Actor time - and it's Tim Robbins. After a clip was shown of the most nonsensical scene of the movie, in which his previously dumb-as-rocks character suddenly becomes smart and calculating. In the speech, Robbins reaches out to victims of child molestation, rather than bash Bush; Robbins may practice cockamamie politics, but he's a very talented actor and director, and I'm proud of him for finally winning.
9:00: LOTR wins Best Art Direction (1)
9:03: Crystal starts into "Quien Es Mas Macho," providing further grist for those nostalgiac for the Saturday Night Live of 1982. Then Robin Williams appears and makes the second Janet joke of the evening; there was one in Crystal's song.
9:06: Finding Nemo wins Best Animated Feature. I liked the beginning and end, though the middle dragged a bit, and Ellen bugged me.