Teen People Asks - "What Hollywood Celebs Are Set To Wed?"

Crazy times in the world of the Hollywood teen idol types, crazy bed-hopping, ring-giving, ring-flinging times. Movie stars, pop sensations, reality TV alumni, all of them swapping husbands and wives and mortgages like there's no tomorrow, maybe on account of for some of them there ain't.

For some of them, see, t'is a fairly wretched road they wander, out their minds with terror night and day, knowing that they're less than one slip, one bad record, one crappy flick, one shitty performance, less than half of that away from the useless novelty album nobody buys, from the presenting stint on a show nobody watches even though last week someone said they had Devendra Banhardt on singin bout his beard, I dunno, I didn't see it.

All that attention, all that pressure for to be ON 24-7, whether on the screen or wanderin cross the road from the pub you threw up in just now, all that scrutiny and the like, what it all boils down to is that you end up looking for someone who knows that kinda horror, someone who can identify with the mania in the eyes, who knows that if you're out your last gut with paranoia, it's not cause it's your "bad week", it's cause most likely you woke up and found ninety-three reporters tween the sheets of the King Size, scribbling down every half-uttered dream-spiel, taking pictures of every inch of the thighs for a spread concerning "Oh My God - Celebrities What Let Themselves Go Somethin Awful".

So what we find is that these folks with the sides of the faces all roasted orange with the spotlight glare, they wanna wake up beside folks who also know that no, I need to lay on this side, on account of the photos are always taken from the other.

To cut a long story short I lost my mind. To cut it shorter still, these young white-hot celeb types are never happier than when getting hitched to one another, everyone marrying into each other's circle, a whole big Amish love-in.

And what a man notices is that I know folks who been married 64 years and never so much as thought of an erotic verse concerning someone else they maybe saw on a train one day, and yet these young celeb types, so high on one another according to the papers and the magazines and the wretched appearances on talk-shows, they can't go from here to there without picking up sixteen divorce suits on the way.

Article Author: Duke De Mondo

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