In the race to the bottom of the reality show barrel, the WB took a huge leap downward last night with the premiere of its American Idol parody, Superstar USA. For this latest travesty, the producers have assembled all of the elements that make AI one of the most popular television programs in America.
There's the smarmy host, MTV VJ vee-jay Brian McFayden, a virtual clone of the omnipresent Ryan Seacrest in everything from his faux retro wardrobe to his deadpan interviews with the hopeful contestants.
There's the expert panel of judges: R&B star Tone-Loc, pop singer Vitamin C, and television producer Briggs. When lined up side-by-side, they evoke a bizarro universe version of American Idol's Randy, Paula, and Simon.
There's even the sets, which likewise appear to be cloned from an earlier, more garish version Fox's hit show.
Then there are the contestants: some are talented, most are not. And here is where Superstar USA differs from other televised talent shows. In this contest, the good singers are send home and the bad ones remain. The stated goal is to find the twelve worst singers, pit them against each other, and eliminate them one by one until the worst of the worst is crowned the Superstar. Only then will the show's secret be revealed to the contestants.
Much of the first installment was an absolute laugh riot. Watching Vitamin C and Tone-Loc heap praise on the awful singers while visibly gritting their teeth, while painful, was actually quite a bit of fun. Most of the contestants seemed surprised at first, but they quickly bought in to the compliments.
Briggs was the best of the bunch. He lobbed truly off-the-wall critiques at the contestants while they all simply stood there nodding. One highlight included him telling one woman he had been too distracted by her large breasts to pay attention to her singing, leaving it up to the other judges to make the decision.
Article comments
1 - Matt Paprocki
Ya know, I feel no sympathy for these people. If they honestly believe they can sing, that's their fault. It's the same thing over on Idol for the first few weeks. "But I can sing!! Wa!! Waaa!!" Too bad. If your that stupid that you can't figure out that your voice is worse than a horses, it's your own fault. You deserve it.
2 - Tom Johnson
It was truly mean as hell, but I have to agree - I think you're asking for it when you seek this kind of attention with such an obvious lack of talent. I have to admit, I felt a little slimy watching it, knowing I was only supporting more endeavors like this. But damn, it was funny. I really got a kick out of the singer who claimed he could actually get inside the minds of those watching him, and how Briggs just played right into that by fortifying his belief. But the "Born To Be Wild" guy really had that ellusive it. As Briggs said, "You are a rock god."
3 - Iva-Marie Palmer
Okay, I'm watching the replays right now and I have to say, it's damn funny. This coming from someone who cannot stand the reality TV trend (that I hope is not here to stay...)
I felt dirty at first. And then I realized something: I wouldn't go on this show. I know I have a pretty awful voice, and even so, mine is still smashing compared to some of the "winners'" voices here.
How did these talent-free people acquire so much confidence in their ability to entertain? I think it's a side effect of the change in schools, children's teams and activities: We're teaching kids that everyone is good enough to make the team, to make the choir. There's no tryouts for anything and teachers trying to instill self-esteem are probably forced to praise kids at everything they try. I didn't make choir in sixth grade. I was the only girl of a 48-student grade to not make it. I felt bad, but I got over it. I still sing in the shower, but I sure as hell know better than to get up on stage. These people evidently were told they're good at everything. These screeching voiced hacks are strutting on stage like they're already superstars.
So maybe this will be a lesson to some people: Find a talent that you can truly own up to. Or, just entertain the rest of us with how bad you are at what you think you can do.
4 - Alan Chan
I think the judges provide 50% of the amusement. Their ability to keep their faces straight while the rest of us grimaced in horror was entertaining enough. They took it one step further, Vitamin C actually bopped her head to the songs. And at one point, the camera took a shot at Briggs and Vitamin C playing air-drums in unison, pretending to appreciate the performance and the energy of one contestant. My girlfriend said that they should go to hell. But I did't feel sorry for most of the performers. They were dilusional enough to refer to themselves in third person, and how they assumed that superstardom was their birthright.
5 - Bob A. Booey
I was a big fan of this show, but tonight's finale was such a cop-out.
First of all, Jamie didn't even deserve to win since she was clearly the best singer out of the final 3, not the worst. Perhaps they were thinking they could market her and tour her around as a novelty act and that influenced the judging. If that's the case, they should have let Mario win. Rosa was the worst singer, but that just seemed cruel since she doesn't even speak English. The show kind of refused to continue its cruelty toward the nice, young, deluded, super-femme gay kids like Frank and Ross as well who probably got picked on their whole lives as well.
Mario's such an uber-geek you feel bad that he didn't win. Hearing about his internet/mail-order bride in Germany is sad -- I'm sure some of you studs can relate personally.
Secondly, the show got soft and lost its mean edge. The host dude (McFaden whatever) hinted at a "lousy singing voice" and told her they lied about finding the best singer in America, but they didn't tell her she was the WORST. That dumb broad ended the show still thinking she'd be a good singer because the show pussed out and McFaden asked "are you willing to do the work to become a true superstar? all these people here love you." Jamie's bubble never got burst and she left the show as happy as she was entering the finale -- why'd such a vicious show decide to pull its punches at the payoff moment?
You could sort of tell she knew she sucked when she watched the video recap and heard herself sing for the first time. You could see her face kind of scrunch up like "Is that me?" But the show ended up re-confirming her ridiculous self-confidence and paying her for being a slightly less-than-hot, annoying girl from Minnesota. This is what happens when you kiss up to girls who aren't hot in places like Minnesota. They believe they're special.
I hated this ending.
The judges didn't even comment on the performances so you had no idea why they made the decision they did. The duet idea was clever, but they actually sang a little too well and conservatively.
Great show, horrible ending. Someone needed to spoof American Idol and this show did very well, but it ended on such a sappy, crappy note. Cruelty should be consistent and this show was evil from start until right before the finish.
Vitamin C was clearly funnier than Briggs, who tried too hard but had his moments. Tone Loc barely woke up long enough to talk most of the time.
I'm just disappointed the "McFaden Gone" sign-off didn't continue. Maybe they didn't want to give any more material for the lawsuit.
That is all.
Booey Gone!
6 - Baron
I agree with the Booey. I couldn't even talk about it until now, I was so disgusted by the ending that they went with here.
Don't get me wrong, the show was insanely mean to a LOT of people along the way, and at times I felt truly bad for the people on the show...but to do that, and drive it right up until the end, and then come up with "...we were looking for someone who THOUGHT they were the best singer in America...". Weak. Cheap. Cop-out.
As I'm watching the last episode I knew something was amiss when the comments from the 'judges' were extremely limited, especially when it came to the last two (did Tone Loc say more than five words in the episode at all?), what should we take from that, just like the Booey implies?
I think that the fix was in for marketing reasons and totally got away from what the show promised from the start.
Since they went the way they did, I want my eight hours of my life back.
One last thing, I don't think that Jamie did realize she was terrible, I did for a minute, but then she started smiling and I think they were tears of Joy!?! Sad, I know but I think it'll take her a few times to review the series before she gets it.