Aside from writing movie reviews and opining on the random topic of the day, I'm here to provide a service to you, the reader. As a rampant moviegoer, I must (obviously) enjoy the experience of going to the movies. That said, there are people (or groups of people) that serve as potential minefields to your experience. They are there to irritate you, frustrate you, pester you — whatever it takes to show you that they are passively-aggressively more important than you. So watch out for them...
Hearing-Aid Couple
I would never dare prejudge all senior citizens who attend the theater (at a discount, mind you). After all, many seniors have great hearing and are typically amongst the quietest in the building. Unfortunately, it only takes one half of a hearing-impaired couple for them both to drive you nuts. This is because the spouse with the better hearing of the two ends up serving as a closed-captioning service to the hearing impaired. "What'd they say?" says one, with the other recapping the action onscreen. Folks, they have headphones available at the counters of many theaters. They also have open captioning at many theaters. Look into it.
300-Pound Man
In and of itself, being heavy is not a crime at the movies. But with the advent of rocking chair-style seating, having a heavy-set fellow in the row in front of you will give you flashbacks to your latest airplane trip. It should be noted also that it need not necessarily be all that heavy of a person in front of you to make you miserable; it could just be someone who enjoys rocking a bit too much or who purposefully sits way back in their seat. Buddy, I like my knees. Do you mind?
The MST3K Fan
Hey, I love to kick back and make fun of the action as much as the next fellow — cracking wise at this or that, getting the folks around you going. But while this practice is encouraged when watching the tube with some buddies, it makes me want to shoot you at the theater. It's not your living room; shut your trap and keep your comments to yourself. Or at least whisper to those around you. No one else cares. (Note: this position is often held by persons under the age of 16, who most likely did not pay for their own ticket. Now I hate you and your parents.) Oh, and for those unaware - read up on MST3K.
Article comments
1 - Kaonashi
You forgot idiot parents who bring rowdy young children or screaming babies to movie theaters. If you can't have someone babysit your kid while you go to the movies, then just stay home and make it a Blockbuster night.
2 - Robert
[COPY]
Folks, they have headphones available at the counters of many theaters. They also have open captioning at many theaters. Look into it.
[End copy]
Well, great. But where?? Not within seven hours of where I live. At my last count, there are only eight theaters that offer closed captioning. And there are only 17 theaters that offer headphones. Eight plus 17 is only 25 theaters, that out of the more than 65,000 theaters in the United States. I would say those services are basically NOT available yet almost everywhere.
Just being able to tell a hearing impaired person that service is there does not mean it is. It is there at one of the 25 theaters, a far cry 65,000 theaters.
Theaters want the movie industry to move first, put the ability to use the closed captioning out there first before going to closed captioning, and the theater industry wants the theaters to move first, prove there are theaters available that will utilize that before making closed captions. It falls down to the chicken and egg problem. Which is first?
And non-obtrusive means are there. Movies can closed captioned (that is NOT open captioned where everyone sees it), and the hearing impaired person wears special goggles that allow him to see the closed captioning. That is less clumsy than the cup-holder method. I would buy the goggles, if the theaters will guarantee the movie I am buying a ticker for is closed captioned. This would free the cup-holder for my drink.
Robert